[ Rules ] [ ot / g / m ] [ pt / snow / w ] [ meta ] [ Server Status ]

/g/ - girl talk

File(20 MB max)
Password (For post deletion)

The site maintenance is completed but lingering issues are expected, please report any bugs here

File: 1687976422878.jpg (107.21 KB, 720x960, tumblr_6bac9ffef71c55e573864f7…)

No. 338016

No. 338121

Advice for when you aren't feeling attracted to your boyfriend? I posted about this in the confessions thread and realised I would like to hear more from others here.

No. 338129

are you the Notebook anon with the super sweet good guy, but he isn't handsome?

if so, I'm kinda in a similar boat, except he's poly and I'm noncommittal (tbh might be a cheater if it was a closed relationship…)
so I figure i can just get a second bf who is actually handsome lmao…

I guess this isn't much help

No. 338131

Are you honest with your long term partners about your "bodycount"? Do they know your whole sexual history?
I don't know what's normal to keep to myself and what's not

No. 338132

Don't even fall for a guy when he asks for your "body count", it is a stupid bullshit incel concept, no man that is mentally normal will ever ask you for this type of information. Dodge any that do.

No. 338135

He hasn't asked but we had a conversation similar to the topic and I was curious what other nonas felt

He hasn't used the word bodycount either
I just didn't know how else to word it

No. 338141

Yes but he didn’t really want to know or hear about it. We had this conversation like 10 years ago I barely remember it.

No. 338147

Yes because I only had one partner before him and we were both virgins, and I would dump a man with a high body count too (I don't want HPV).

No. 338152

If they ask for anything other than conversation/curiosity then no, I wouldn't talk about it, why do you want me to sit and remember other partners whilst with you?

No. 338163

Personally I think this is important to talk about because I would never date a manwhore and I think a relationship where one person has a lot more experience than the other person can not work out cause the one with less experience will always feel insecure about it. Both me and my bf had one partner before getting together and both were really bad relationships that taught us what we don't want in a partner, which imo is ideal because I know a virgin guy would be more tempted to cheat just to experience sex with a woman who is not you and a manwhore is disgusting and has different views on sex than me that are incompatible.

No. 338182

I've mentioned to my past bfs that I've had a "slut phase" and kept it at that. Didn't mention a number or anything and they didn't ask. I think they felt like they'd rather not know more, while I feel like I've been honest without oversharing. All my bfs have started as casual hook-ups, so I think it'd be hypocritical of them to feel scandalized by me having had casual sex before them. I think how much it matters to someone depends on a person's values and how many people they themself have slept with. I think the older you get, the less people generally care. I live in a country where hook-up culture is extremly normalized though.

No. 338184

Nope, I've always lied. Don't care if that's not honest. But no one has ever wanted details or the exact number, that'd be pretty weird of them.

No. 338201

What bodycount? I thought we were all virgins here.

No. 338248

This isn't relevant unless you have stds. Don't engage with this kind of question. Only insecure men care about something as retarded as body count.

No. 338263

I never actually told my husband I had an uncomfortable blowjob with my second boyfriend but I did tell him about losing my virginity since it was a 3 year long relationship after all. If he asked me about the former I'd go into detail but he never pried because he doesn't really care, it was long before we met anyway.
I think it's good to talk about that stuff because you can find out a lot from such convos, for example I wouldn't want to be with someone that's too jealous to hear about stuff like that at all, nor would I be with someone that's too demanding. I wouldn't want to be with someone that has a huge "bodycount" either because it usually comes with specific type of baggage and so on.

No. 338561

This is just something stupid that I wanna get off my chest. It might be painfully obvious, so I’m sorry if I’m beating a dead horse.
As a terminally online autistic woman, (albeit able to pass as NT pretty well,) normie men are on average a much better bet than any man who spends time in ‘online’ spaces. I think this is a standard opinion on LC, no? However, between past relationship advice threads and the Nigel brag thread, it seems that a lot of nonas have met their bfs in these ‘online’ spaces, or are aware of their behavior in them. I’m truly happy for everyone it’s working out for — I love reading brag posts! But I want to remind every woman in this space that you have a way better chance of dating a normie than an ND/online man would, and most of them would kill for the opportunity.

Sorry if I sound like a normie shill or something. I had my first date with someone who was a lil too similar to me in understanding ‘online’ humor and happenings, and while it seemed refreshing to have a common understanding of it at first, it just became so apparent to me that most men who spend too much time in these spaces adopt parts of the sick ideologies that go around in them.

No. 338569

I want to be more understanding of my boyfriend's autism. We've been dating for over a year and it's been a struggle being disappointed and frustrated in his words that have no actions. He gets excited about one thing for a few days and then it's basically dropped, there's no follow through. My boyfriend says he knows he has a tendency to drop something once he expresses it out loud and doesn't bother to tell me his update because he forgets he made the choice until I ask what happened about this thing he was excited about. He knows he's not glad of his own unactions and he struggles changing the way he is, because it's been this way for way longer than we've been together. I want to know how I can help him view things from a different perspective, or at least put the flame under his ass before it's literally under his ass, especially for things like his paychecks from a part time job that keep stressing me out because we both pay the same amount of rent each month, but his paycheck amounts aren't consistent and he says "I'll pay half now and then half next week" which he does, but right now he's still half a paycheck behind. He knows he can't make many promises because of this flaw and he also gets frustrated when I used his words against him, letting him know that I keep track of what he says and doesn't follow through on. To me, it makes him seen unreliable, irresponsible, and lazy. I want to know how I can make plans to do things that make me happy and we follow through without his fight of "I'm gonna go and I'm not going to like it or have fun" and other excuses. Like, this year I've been begging him to go swimming with me for over a month now because last year he said he was excited to go swimming with me, but within that year, he became embarrassed with his body after gaining 30 lbs. I don't wanna give up, I really want us to go swimming together. I try to give him the perspective of "we go swimming so we can workout and lose weight" and "you can wear a shirt" but he still doesn't want to do it. I really don't want us to break up, because finding another person with similar interests as me and same life goals and values has been extremely difficult to come by. I also believe my age is making it difficult to find anyone else, because another guy my age with some similarities is single for worse reasons or already married. I asked my boyfriend how we can compromise, and he says doesn't know at the moment. I've talked to him for hours in the middle of the night trying to pry into how his though processes work and I'm glad he is open to communicating without getting upset at me for asking so much, but it's the actions that really take a blow. I'll wake up some days, crying, with my thoughts already flooding with "he's not gonna do that even though he says he would" and I think about how he gets upset at me for lying to him, especially for being upset at him for not doing things he said he was going to do. He once said I lied to him because I said I didn't want him to get another job, but I want him to have a stable job, which in his mind meant to quit his job and get another one, but all I could think of is the fact he could get a side job to do gigs here and there to make up the time when there's weeks his job doesn't require him to come in 5 days a week. I cry a lot in this relationship because things aren't being done right away, maybe they're impossible to get done as fast as I would like, maybe I have too high of expectations for him, but I want things to be okay for my future.
Before him, I was in a 8 year relationship with a man who I had no future goals with, I was too caught up in mental health issues to even develop goals for my own besides not feel like shit living with my trauma. At some point my ex said "I think it's bout time we get engaged soon, right?" Shortly after that, I realized I wanted to be a mother and I knew I wanted to homeschool them and raise them a specific way because I knew how terrible my parents raised me. I was obsessed with trying to become a foster parent, but my ex didn't want to have any children because he was so mentally unstable himself. Eventually, I just wanted biological children and I left him for good.
I shortly met my boyfriend, within a few days it felt like I just met my soulmate. He also wants to homeschool and raise children the same way and methods that I want to. He agrees with me on so much, like weird opinions I have, I felt like I haven't met someone that understood me the most until now. This wanting to have children of his own was also a recent revelation, so we were basically in similar past relationships, being with the first person who gave us some attention on whatever dating website.
Overall, I really want this to work. I want us to have a future, and he wants it too. He even reassures me through all the times I turn our conversations into arguments because of my frustration of his thought processes, he doesn't love me less and he understands why I ask certain things. He knows it's his issue, I really just want to get it into his head he needs to follow through more often than he doesn't.

No. 338570

also correction: it's either autism or ADHD something that affects his executive function. i just said autism because he knows he has it but isn't diagnosed for it

No. 338571

I agree with you. Sometimes I meet men that I have a lot of overlapping interests with that are unique to spending as much time online as I have. That can be fun to talk about as friends, but trying to get closer to men like that comes with different issues than more normal guys. They are more likely to have mental health problems that can disrupt a relationship, or these guys are too familiar with certain things that I know have concerning connotations or stereotypes surrounding it. For example, as much as I like anime and am familiar with it, I probably wouldn’t date someone that does too because I know men into anime are likely to be misogynistic, or fetishize asian women.

No. 338576

My mom is married to a diagnosed autist and they went through a long traject of bi-weekly counselling to help understand each other. Or rather her understanding him because she does most of the understanding and compromising.

I know you didn't ask for this but I say this as someone who thus has an autist for a father, I hope you know what you're signing yourself up for, but I don't think you do. It frankly pains me for your future kids to read you would knowingly have them with an autist. Regardless I stand by my opinion you need professional guidance if you insist on continueing this relationship and perhaps an official diagnosis for him, it'll be your best shot at having your relationship work out.

No. 338589

Dump the autist. Definitely do not have kids with him. Imagine how difficult it will be to baby your manbaby and several autistic real babies. Do you have any idea how exhausting kids with autism are?
Also this isn't the first time you complained about wanting to go swimming with this guy, I remember previous posts. It seems kind of a weird fixation on your part. If he is unconfortable showing his body you need to drop it. Its kind of weird and creepy how persistent you are about that when hes told you several times he doesnt want to be half naked around other people while feeling bad about his body. That should be very understandable for anyone with basic empathy.

No. 338590

This is a good point also. Forcing an autistic father onto your children is horrible. Kids will not understand why their father can't properly express emotions and empathy towards them. They will just be mistreated by him and feel unloved. Plus an autistic sperg moid will probably become jealous once he is no longer the center of attention and possibly troon out.

No. 338592

I understand not dating a turboautist but I can't grasp dating someone you have nothing in common with. How does that work? Don't both parties get bored? What's stopping these normie men from dating other normie women they have things in common with?
If he's not trying at all you need to dump him for your own sanity, anon. He sounds seriously autistic, not just a little spergy.

No. 338595

He is a grown ass man already and no matter how hard you try, you can't change his personality and habits. This who he is for the rest of his life. He sounds like a really frustrating person and sorry, you can't "fix him". Plus, he is an autist. They are extremely stubborn. I feel like his is not ready to raise children, even if it's your and his dream. He would totally suck at that and changes are high you would be left alone with earning money and caring after the family. He is not a father material.

No. 338604

Sounds like untreated adhd, not autism to be honest

No. 338614

You shouldn’t have to put up with someone who thinks they have a mystery mental illness but won’t get it diagnosed or get treatment for it. In the words of Sanic: suffering awaits.

No. 338684

if men are already children, autistic/adhd men are just toddlers. leave. them.

No. 338689

>He also wants to homeschool and raise children the same way and methods that I want to
Male and female autist and you also wanna home school your kids? Recipe for disaster

No. 338690

Why is he the one with the undiagnosed condition but you are the one actively asking for help? That's a peek into your future right there. He should get a diagnosis first and learn how to function properly with his condition. He should be the one first and foremost taking action. If he refuses to get a diagnosis that should be a dealbreaker.

No. 338712

Kek kinda sounds like me. I have ADHD not autism, so I agree with the other anon. Maybe stimulants is all he needs.
As someone like him tho I recommend that you leave this person or just learn to deal with this. My poor bf decided to stay, idk how he puts up with me.

No. 338720

The fact that your first line is saying YOU need to be more understanding of his autism and your follow up is admitting he may very well not even have it or hey maybe has something else instead??.. Sounds like he already has you eating up that vague excuse for his personal flaws. What motivation does he even have to either get himself assessed or get his act together if you're this accomodating of his non diagnosis rn? What if he doesn't have anything and this is just him. This is year one of dating. Typically the best it'll get in terms of effort or him trying his hardest to present his best self to you. He's gaining weight, breaking pretty easy promises he could fulfill for you. Offering nothing but a 'maybe I have tism' as his get out of accountability card. You've somehow decided you want kids with this man in spite of those blazing flags?

No. 339089

The first situation has probably been posted before, but I hope it is ok to vent about it here. I am currently visiting my bf of 1 year (I moved 6 hours away about 3 weeks ago) and he was showing me something on Instagram. He goes to use the search feature, and on his explore tab I see about half of the posts are women. Some of them are selfies and some of them are outfit or bikini pictures. This made me feel really insecure but I didn't bring it up at the time, because I am not sure if Instagram's algorithm targets men with pictures of women.
After this at a party, his friends were joking with me and asked me to imagine if I was "a pretty white girl with blue eyes and blonde hair who was being yelled at by a big black male teenager," with them implying I should say I would lynch him. My boyfriend just laughed at this scenario and didn't say anything to them expect for "you couldn't have conversations like this with your girlfriends." I was the only girl there, as well as being brown. As much as I hate hanging out with drunk guys in their 20s, I felt incredibly disrespected and that my boyfriend didn't see a problem with me being talked to like that. I am usually sheltered from this kind of thing due to being a shut-in who only interacts with 2 friends, family, and my boyfriend, but right now I feel like women just get fucked over and disrespected in so many ways that we're expected to deal with or get over.
My boyfriend and I have an agreement that he can't look at porn but that hentai is okay because they're not real girls (and he isn't contributing to the horrible porn industry), but what happened with his Instagram makes me believe that he doesn't respect those boundaries. I know the hentai thing might be weird for some nonnas but I do think that it's fine because I used to be a fujoshi and I always felt less disgusted with myself if I read/watched ecchi things compared to "real stuff." I'm at a loss about what to do now and feel like withdrawing from him but it'd be unfair to do so in what has been an otherwise healthy and loving relationship. He says that he wants to marry me and I think I want to also, but I cannot be in a relationship with someone who watches porn or uses the Internet to ogle women. I really respected him because he seemed like one of those rare Nigels but right now he just feels like any guy.

No. 339227

Not sure if I should post here or the breakup thread since my situation is a bit strange. I broke up with my boyfriend because I realized I rushed into it and that I'm not ready for a relationship right now. Told him he didn't have to wait for me or anything because I really couldn't guarantee that we would ever get back together (I do love him but I'm just not healthy enough for it right now and besides, it's long-distance and I don't think I would ever feel comfortable with making him uproot his life to one day close the distance). He said he was fine with that and that he was just happy to have me in his life. Then once during conversation he let it slip that he was pretty confident he could wait it out so I had to remind him that it might not ever happen, and that if it doesn't I don't want him to resent me or himself for it or feel like I was using him. He again said he was fine with it, that I don't owe him anything, that it was his choice to remain loyal and that he really doesn't think he'd find someone else that makes him feel like I do and that he's fine if he never does and we just stay friends forever. I've since accepted that I'm not responsible for what he decides to do and as such I no longer feel bad about it but I am worried that he doesn't realize what he's saying and that one day he WILL think that he wasted his time and then I'll lose one of my best friends. I guess my question is am I being stupid here? He wants to come visit me and while I do want to spend time with a friend I'm worried about it. He's a good person but I've had bad experiences with men that became obsessed with me in the past so while I don't think he'd take advantage of the situation I'm still worried that he will, I guess. I don't know. Should I not let him visit? Should I even be friends with him? He's really important to me.

No. 339230

He sounds pretty obsessed. I would not let him visit. Men aren’t capable of being “just friends,” he will be obsessively pining for you even if he keeps it to himself.

No. 339232

Maybe you're right. I had asked a friend about it while only giving surface-level details and her opinion was that if he really was okay with just being friends it might be good for me to see that not all exes have bad intentions, "but not if he's simping for you or doing that 'I'll always love yooouu' thing." I hadn't even told her about the mushy stuff he was saying to me.

No. 339234

is he european?

No. 339247

I think you already know what we're going to say. He is absolutely thirsting after women on Instagram. Probably those "pretty white blue eyed" women and probably watching BBC porn as well considering the kind of conversations he has with his friends.

No. 339252

>I am not sure if Instagram's algorithm targets men with pictures of women.
I have my hobby insta set to male purely to avoid make up/diet shit/leg shaving ads. Ime at least I def don't get rando women or any bikini pics showing up by default of that. Only really affects the ads/products rammed at you. Explore is heavily based off of your own activity.

No. 339258

Break up with him for real. “We might get back together but I don’t know” isn’t a real break up. You are still in a relationship with him.

No. 339260

Thibking about breaking up or at least going on a break with my bf of .. about 10 months. He worships the ground i walk on but the sex isnt anything steller, (i dont cum from him ever lol) hes doesnt give me any pitter pat love feelings either . Im worried im just settling because i dont wanna be single at 35. Hes my second bf but i lost my virginity to him and likes to call me his and idk is it normal for dudes to bring up marriage even though we havent been together for that long? Idk. Hes okay but i cant help bit to wonder if theres just better dick out there.

No. 339261

breaking up is for the best in that situation

No. 339263

You don't love him so end it

No. 339287

How so?

No. 339294

Don't stay with him if you don't love him, but
>i cant help bit to wonder if theres just better dick out there
If you are going to wait for a guy who is good at sex you will probably be searching a long time.

No. 339295

It’s a LDR. There already isn’t physical closeness so all you have is your words. Saying you love him and saying you might have a relationship again and him promising to wait for you is basically still being in a long distance relationship. All the same mental dynamics are there, it isn’t different enough from saying you love him and you two might meet in person one day. Same dynamics. You didn’t break up with him (definitely not in a way he understands from the sound of it)

No. 339296

Makes sense. How do I break up for real in this kind of situation then? Just say it's never happening?

No. 339310

Yeah, use your words.

No. 339354

The trick is to find a dude you're attracted to/have good chemistry with and then teach him how to please you. I know it's a scroteish thing to say, but I think women have to take some responsibility for their own pleasure by communicating clearly. If he's selfish or incapable of learning you next him. In my relationships sex have only gotten better with time, but I think the initial attraction or spark should be there. You'll know after two fucks whether you're attracted to him or not.

No. 339390

File: 1688850005384.jpg (84.43 KB, 960x640, 1680448420790.jpg)

I'm autistic af and I always miss signals when a guy is trying to flirt/ask me out. So I'm attempting to figure it out seriously this time, because I'm really attracted to this guy. He came up to me at work a couple of times (he works in a different company) and each time we talked for hours. He'd bring me some sweets and fruit. We went out on a walk after work for around an hour a few times. But the last time we did that, he asked me to link arms. I kinda thoughtlessly grabbed his hand instead and after that he's been weirdly quiet. He hasn't typed to me at all since then (it was right before his vacation), rn he is on vacation with his parents, so maybe that's why, but I'm really not sure if he just wanted to be friendly (linking arms) and I interpreted it the wrong way by grabbing his hand. Here are some things that make me worry:
>he is attractive, and usually only ugly guys show romantic interest in me
>maybe he was just being friendly and I was too forward
>should I message him or naw, he asked for my contact info before his trip, but he only typed to me once and then never again

No. 339392

Linking arms seems romantic to me, but I'm also socially stupid. I've never linked arms with friends unless it was in a silly way. Was he goofing around?

No. 339394

Anon guys don't bring sweets and fruits or ask to link arms with girls they just want to be friends with lol.

No. 339395

It doesn't seem that romantic to me?? I link arms with my (female) friends often when we go out. He wasn't really goofing around (at least that's what I think). It went like this:
>him:ohh anon the building here looks so sleek, it has this and that
>me:oh yeah, wasn't it designed by the architect who worked for your company?
>him:(sudden change of topic)may we link arms?
>me:lol this reminds me of the time I used to link arms with my dad
>him:last time I linked arms was with my mom
>I grab his hand, we walk for around 10 minutes like that, his hand is sweating and after we cross the street I let go of his hand

Thank you for the confirmation, I hope so

No. 339397

>I link arms with my (female) friends often when we go out.
He's a guy anon, guys don't think or behave like women do.

Just compare how he behaves around you vs other girls/women. Is he visiting other girls at their work? Bringing them sweets? Taking walks with them after work? Talking to them for hours? Asking to link arms with them? I highly doubt it.

No. 339402

I feel like I’m at a crossroad in life. My current boyfriend wants me to get married to him and move in with him. I do love him, but I’m not sure if I want this life. I so badly want a family and a stable comfortable life but, when I think about what really fulfills me and makes me happy, it’s acting. I’ve spent my entire life denying and having to put on hold pursuing a career in acting because of everyone around me telling me it’s not practical. I’ve felt so empty for so long and so aimless because nothing excites me like acting does. It’s what I truly want, but it’s so difficult to pursue it. So it feels more realistic to just, have a happy family life instead. I’m just unsure. I don’t know what path to take

No. 339403

I feel like I’m at a crossroad in life. My current boyfriend wants me to get married to him and move in with him. I do love him, but I’m not sure if I want this life. I so badly want a family and a stable comfortable life but, when I think about what really fulfills me and makes me happy, it’s acting. I’ve spent my entire life denying and having to put on hold pursuing a career in acting because of everyone around me telling me it’s not practical. I’ve felt so empty for so long and so aimless because nothing excites me like acting does. It’s what I truly want, but it’s so difficult to pursue it. So it feels more realistic to just, have a happy family life instead. I’m just unsure. I don’t know what path to take

No. 339405

I've mostly seen old couples link arms, it's kinda random to ask you this in a romantic context (unless it's common in your country), however guys don't do it casually with their female acquaintances, maybe he wanted to take things slowly and you went from to 0 to 100 very fast.
>usually only ugly guys show romantic interest in me
This resonated in the deepest parts of my soul kek.

No. 339412

You shouldn’t have to choose between what you want to do and marriage. Is he not on board with you trying to become an actor?

No. 339413

Sorry for the long post..I'm genuinly conficted if I'm in the wrong for feeling upset. I just had a big fight with my boyfriend. I'm a full time student (taking extra courses to graduate early) and I work part time, one paid job (retail, to make money) and one is a volunteer position at a super small nonprofit (like 5 people total) in my field. I also did a part time internship last month that was paid as well. The volunteer position is really helpful, I love my collegues and it's giving me a lot of good experience. It's probably about 2-5 hours a week plus a meeting or two a month so nothing that I can't handle. The problem is my boyfriend acts like it's totally useless and says I should get a part time paid job at a big company. I told him that I've tried to find something like that (also at the government) and I've even had interviews but nothing has come of it. If I say I'm busy, or that I have a meeting he'll be like "oh yeah but thats not work". It feels really belittling to me because yeah I'm not getting paid but there are challenges I face and it can be hard to balance everything. The fight today happened when he said my volunteer position is "fake" and won't look good on my resume. It's also complicated because money is an issue and we live together, but I really just can't work enough to cover half the rent even if I quit my volunteer position. I help out as much as I can but I'm 13k in debt to student loans. I've even thought about moving home until I graduate in one year but the moving costs alone woul be crazy. Am I wrong to feel that he's disrespecting my work? It's an organization I really connect with.

No. 339414

he sounds like a nasty person. who talks to people like that? all people i know who have 'good' jobs have volunteered at some point because it looks good on your cv as it shows you are selfless and passionate about something. wtf is he on? i assume that he uplifts you in other ways, if not why are you with someone who puts you down like this?

No. 339415

He’s being a turd. Best case he doesn’t know how to say he thinks you should be paid for your time. You’re in school so he shouldn’t be pressuring you to have a career already

No. 339417

He is normally very supportive which is why this upset me so much. He's a blue collar worker so I get that sitting on a computer doesn't seem like "work" sometimes especially if I'm not being paid for it but blah. Thanks for assuring me.

No. 339420

He seems like a selfish prick. I bet you do 90% of the chores at home and he still thinks you should get a better paying job to contribute. It's a man's job to pay the bills, your bf sounds like a total loser expecting you to work several jobs while still in school.

No. 339421

ayrt, it's good to hear the he usually is v supportive. but has he ever talked down on you like this before? like has he ever had this attitude in another setting? whether it's friends or a significant other, people should have 0 tolerance for people who exhibit this kind of behaviour.

No. 339422

He's probably insecure that you are educated and will outearn him in the future, that's why he is belittling your work to make himself feel better. He's going to only get more insecure about it in the future. Men's ego can't handle a woman who is more educated and accomplished than them.

No. 339425

Yeah that’s another thing we fight about.

No. 339431

So he doesn't value what you do in literally every aspect. He probably thinks keeping a house clean is also not work and takes everything you do for granted. Honestly men nowadays are so spoiled and entitled it's unreal. Their ancestors would be so embarrassed if they know that in the future their sons will have forgotten its their job to provide. What even are men good for if they can't do that? Emotional support and sex? Oh wait they can't so those things either.

No. 339436

I’m not sure of what to do here. My boyfriend is in his mid 20s and refuses to grow up, but I have a successful career and can support two people plus a family if I wanted. He’s so good to me outside of that though, I just can’t see myself having kids with him (and I want kids) because he doesn’t ever even care enough to be in a position to go 50/50. Im neurotic and he calms me down. I’m getting older and thinking I should leave him but I’m scared of ruining something that’s otherwise emotionally fulfilling.

No. 339452

Well it's a matter of what's more important to you, kids or your current relationship, isn't it? We can't make that decision for you. One thing I'll say is that an emotionally fulfilling relationship isn't exlusive to this one man you're with now. Personally I don't think not having kids or having kids with the wrong person when you deeply desire having kids is something you want to risk regretting later on in life but that's just my two cents.

No. 339455

could he be a house-husband? like an actual useful one who cooks and cleans and takes the children to doctors appointments and after school activities and does your taxes for you, not a manbaby. maybe you should have that discussion.

No. 339466

I don't think a guy like that could be a good househusband. If he's so thoughtless and selfish he's completely fine with her paying for everything, he's not emotionally intelligent enough to make up for it in other ways. If he actually pampered her and took good care of her, she wouldn't be posting for advice kek. He's probably the type to jerk off all day while she's at work.

No. 339494

Dubs of wisdom. That being the case, how do you convince a bf who is working and contributing financially to transition to a househusband role? I mean, besides being the breadwinner.

No. 339498

Well, I think a good bf will want to make you happy in ways that are meaningful to you. So if you sit him down and explain him taking care of the house and having a nice dinner waiting for you when you get back will make you feel loved and happy, he'll likely be on board with it unless his career is his calling and passion or something. Ask him what he thinks about being a househusband, he may need some prodding and pushing if he inherently believes men need to bring home money to be valuable.

No. 339509

i'm a 27 yo virgin, never been in a relationship and have only made out with some guys at parties. because i am socially apt, look cute and have a good career everyone assumes that i have several ex boyfriends kek.
anyway, i would like to start dating and enter a relationship in the near future as things have calmed down in my life and i have more time/energy.

however, i have severe avoidant attachment. my main issues are with myself and how uncomfortable i am with a guy having strong feelings for me. dating makes me anxious because i had a bad childhood and am not used to anyone caring for me. i am talking with a therapist about my issues, but for my own sake i would like to go on at least one date before i turn 28 kek. as a way to challenge myself kind of, so i'm trying to start this by taking baby steps. do you have any tips when it comes to dating while being like, emotionally withdrawn? have any of you who are in a relationship dealt with this?

No. 339511

> i'm a 27 yo virgin, never been in a relationship
same but i'm 26. I have super bad social anxiety and have only just made a close friend since I've gone back to uni (which I haven't been able to do since I was young) I see her outside of uni, which is a big step for me. So yes, we shoulds take baby steps, sorry for not giving a proper answer I just think we are kinda similar.. i guess in age/experience

No. 339516

Being a mother and also the breadwinner is an absolute terrible idea. Sure, there are some superhuman women who can do both, but they usually have a very very supportive family helping them out (and by that I mean women like sisters, aunts, mothers, cousins, not men) or they are just fine with paying for childcare and letting strangers raise their kids while they work.

The fact is that a man will never make a good house-husband or primary caregiver for children. Men are too selfish and lazy for that role. Being a mother means lots and lots of sacrifice and your brain literally gets restructured during pregnancy to prepare you for that and make your child the main priority in your life. Men do not go through that change. That bond a mother and child have is the only reason women do not lose their minds and chuck the baby at the wall when they have had 5 hours of sleep in 2 months, never get to sit down or have a hot meal, constantly have to care for someone else who is needy and helpless and never get a minute for yourself. This is the reality of motherhood and men just can not do it. There is no way.

This is why you should only have kids with a man who can financially support you while you take time off work to be a mother and recover from birth. Not to mention how absolutely heartbreaking it is for moms who have to go back to work and leave their baby behind. If you don't have female family members to help you out and your bf is a manbaby, absolutely DO NOT have children with him. You will regret it so so so much and your baby deserves better than some scrote who will probably leave it in the crib to cry while he plays videogames.

No. 339518

My bf's birthday is in couple of days I don't know what to get him? He makes music and has a beard. Any ideas?

No. 339521

beard grooming kits or other luxury beard products, a cute home made card, a picture collage with printed out pics of the two of you, flowers (alot of men appreciate flowers).

No. 339522

Personally I'd just ask what he wants, that's what I always do. Maybe there's something for his music hobby he'd like to have? Alternatively, make or bake something tasty? I think foods make such a good gift, it's sweet, it's personalized, you put time and effort in and it's always used up.

No. 339523

Kek anon, you sound like a younger me. As someone who went through pretty similar problems, stop overthinking and just do it. Don’t commit to anyone straight away, don’t take anything too serious, you don’t need to have sex with anyone, just enjoy yourself. Go on some dates. Having more experience in dating and relationships is always a good thing. Even if it fizzles out (which it likely will at first) you will learn something about the kind of partner you want, and how to be a better partner yourself. My first few relationships as a late bloomer were so awkward, I was so needy and didn’t recognize (now obvious) red flags. I was so eager to be loved I was a doormat. I put up with some awful behavior because I was so inexperienced. I could kick myself now but that’s life honestly. You can read all the relationship books in the world and still be real world-dumb, you need to actually live it to know what’s up and recognize good/bad relationship behavior. Some people are good “people” while still being awful partners. My personal advice, avoid online dating and go outside. Go out with friends, find local events, talk to people. There are some cool people on tinder, sure, but the whole system is passive. You can scroll and swipe from anywhere, takes no effort. Go outside and do something so your time isn’t wasted, and you’re also talking with people who aren’t just swiping on a phone. If you meet someone you like while doing something cool, all the better.

No. 339530

ayrt, aw nonnie i used to have really bad social anxiety as a kid but grew out of it. like you i struggled with friendships but after getting a close friend it got so much easier to make more friends. baby steps, as you said.

thank you so much for your advice, anon! i haven't used any dating apps, but am unable to use tinder due to something being wrong w my phone number. maybe that's a sign kek. i'm pretty sure i already know which red flags to avoid as my mom was in a bunch of messy relationships when i was a kid.

thank you for your replies. after reading what you've said i realised that my biggest 'fear' is to self destruct if i end up getting to the 'relationship' stage with someone. but i'm not going to be so relationship minded, but focus on dating and having fun instead.

No. 339550

>my biggest 'fear' is to self destruct if i end up getting to the 'relationship' stage with someone.
Ayrt, and yes, this was my fear too. It’s why it’s so helpful to have more experience in dating because you learn how to handle things (and yourself) much better. Sounds kinda dumb, a lot of people will think just because you’re a certain age that you should also have a certain amount of relationship maturity, but you definitely don’t know until you go through it firsthand. Take it slow and don’t be worried about rushing into anything! Good luck nonnie.

No. 339596

File: 1688961804954.gif (811.72 KB, 400x215, 545881bb-d30a-4be7-b724-afc931…)

Rn I'm playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes with my tinder FWB.

We have been seeing each other for 4 months, he was part of a polycule in his previous city and practices ENM but moved to my city recently and I've been the only person he has been with for several months. I didn't expect us to get into a relationship or anything. We started doing it raw bc of being dumb and horny. I will admit I was starting to catch feelings for him but neither of us have time for a relationship. Our hangouts have kind of plateau'd to just movies takeout and casual sex. I've wanted to push us to go out on dates but those plans always conveniently fall through on his end.

Then he tells me he has a new romance with this girl and he had unprotected sex with her so we should probably go back to using protection for next time. I was like yeah that's fine and congrats that sounds fun for you yada yada.

What the hell do I do with this? I don't have any right to be jealous, but I feel so discarded. I don't know if I am allowed to ask about what's going on with them. I don't have a lot of experience with this kind of thing. I have really shitty self worth so the likely outcome is me deciding to stop seeing him bc I feel like mystery girl probably deserves him more if he's calling it a "romance" already and our "friendship" is so lame even if the sex is good. I'm just really lonely and feel bad that I can't get laid as easily as he can I guess.

No. 339602

Just leave this shitter be. Touching people in a "polycule" has been the first mistake, as you found out, it's only for very self-obsessed/emotionally damaged people to have the freedon to act in a way that'd make any other type of relationship to break. And I'm not just talking about the physical act of 'cheating', but being emotionally negligent, dismissive and feeling zero responsibility for your partner. Just avoid fwb things in general, since it doesn't seem to be what you want or need, and especially avoid polyshitters.

No. 339603

Drop him, get tested, get some self esteem. He is not a fucking prize by the way, it's not that the other girl "deserves" him, but rather she has something that's more convenient for him to use and she, like you, is young and stupid to know better. But you can cut your loses and know better next time if you move on and learn from this.

No. 339630

Get tested.

No. 339634

Dump him, get tested and never have raw sex with someone who isn't exclusive with you again

No. 339635

Run. Remove him from your life right now. I was you last year i came here with the same question and everyone told me to cut him off but i didn't. Huge mistake, wasted a whole year and had to cut a bunch of people off because of him at the end. It took me a long time to forgive myself for letting myself get walked all over. There is no such thing as "ethical non-monogamy", this cunt i was seeing had a gf and i met her a bunch of times to make her feel comfortable, took extra caution not to offend her how ethical right? i was very open minded and understanding like i was the chillest and the dumbest sidepiece ever, fell straight into the cool girl trope and they abused the fact that i was agreeable. This nonna >>339602 is so right, its not really about hooking up with other people but more so about being dismissive and emotionally negligent. This couple made like a 10 point rulebook about me and i wasn't allowed to see it because it was "their business" lmao. You are already being gaslit because I was also made to believe it wasn't my place to be jealous when in fact jealousy is a very valid emotion. Don't try to drown your emotions its your body telling you something is wrong. Trust your guts. People that claim to be poly are evil evil people, they're messed up in the head and are master manipulators. You deserve better than this, anyone deserves better than this. (to end on a positive note I am in a loving, long-term, monogamous relationship right now and my bf is very attentive to my needs, extremely loyal and possessive in the best way. He never tries to gaslight me or invalidates my feelings. The poly cunt told me no man would want to be in a monogamous relationship with me because I didn't want to have penetrative sex). This whole poly thing going mainstream only serves men, its just repackaging the mistress lifestyle. We need to publicly shame these people so they don't manipulate dumbass 20 y/os who dont know any better.

No. 339639

>I don't have any right to be jealous
yeah you fucking do. fucking and hanging out builds bonds, that in normal humans forms emotions - this fucker has none or cares not. the other girl is stupid, and easier for him, or he said this purposefully to make you jealous. polyamory is supposed to be real relationships with more than 2 persons, not fucking around. he has showed he is a no effort flakey dickhead, don't entertain him. nonnas will say it's because you've had sex with him already but that wouldn't make a difference if the guy actually liked you. early sex can make moids think they've already had you and stop showing any effort in getting to know you or treating you right. the fact that this motherfucker is a sex maniac, manipulative and lazy is already in his history as you know it. don't take it personally. i wish we could hang out and drink or watch movies to forget about scrotes like this. smh people aren't scoreboards.

No. 339649

Don't touch poly guys, even if you're just looking for something casual they're the most manipulative fuckers who hone their BSing skills as part of their holier than thou jealousy free lifestyle. They're nearly always just emotionally fucked but larping as being ethical and free instead. If you can already tell that hes stringing you along about setting up dates then he fully knows hes fucking you around. That's on him but he'll never take ownership of his own mess if you try to point it out. Leave him behind and tell him the sex just isnt doing it for you. Anything else you say he'll twist into you being soo unhealthy and jealous unlike his enlightened poly friends.

Condoms aren't enough when someone is sleeping with multiple partners in a short space of time and raw half the time. Theres things that can get around a condom. Theres risk of oral transmission and even hands can spread shit. Theres an incubation period where people don't have any symptoms yet. Him telling you he fucked someone else raw as if its an afterthought and then thinking a wearing a condom this time fixes that risk isn't as cool and ethical and foolproof as these guys like to think. But again he won't accept that reality if you tell him.

No. 339673

32/f here

Went to a wedding last year and I met this guy (34/m). We knew each other through the bride for years, but we didn't formerly meet until the wedding. We were kinda of "chatty" and decided to remain in touch following the wedding by exchanging numbers. I crush him so we started to text. Well, we kept talking and I decided that I would fly to his city. Booked a hotel room so we wouldn't drive each other to the wall and went around his city. Had a lot of fun and we enjoyed each other's company.

We're still talking. When is it appropriate to move forward on this guy?(learn2integrate)

No. 339716

Need some opinions on the type of kink I engage in with my boyfriend, because I know it’s widely considered bad but maybe there can be exceptions? Unsure. Before I explain here are some things I think are important for context:
>I prefer being submissive, I always have, this has never been pushed onto me by a man
>I am a radfem, I center women’s issues in my life, I would never go against my core values for the desires of a man
>My boyfriend was a virgin when we met, I am his only partner. He does not watch porn, he didn’t know much of anything about sex, he is the furthest thing from a coomer. If he was even slightly a pornsick degenerate I would not be with him
Anyway, onto the main point. I have always had (probably related to trauma) fetishes in the sphere of cnc. Being submissive, pain, etc. I have never practiced these with another man before because it’s something I didn’t think would be healthy for me. I was skeptical of men who had the same fetishes they wanted to be giving rather than receiving, men with no trauma who just wanted to get off on hurting women. It has always been weird, and I know many other women share the same sentiment.
Now though, I’m with a man who I feel completely comfortable with. He treats me like actual gold, spoiling me in every way. He takes care of anything and everything I could ever need, he’s so gentle, patient, loving, kind. If I’m sick he’s running to the store to get me stuff to make soup, juice, he’s tucking me into bed so I can’t get out and start trying to do things around the house. He’s so attentive to me and my life, I’m so in love with him.
I met him 3+ years ago, he didn’t want to have sex with anyone he wasn’t sure about marrying. When we did eventually get to that point we were having sex, he started learning that he had cnc fetishes. He gets hard hearing me scream, pulling my hair, slapping me, hearing me cry. Not all of our sex is like this but it’s still a regular part of our sex life. I’ve practiced these things with him because I do enjoy them as well, and because he makes me feel comfortable enough to trust him fully. He has never once violated my boundaries, pushed me into something I didn’t want to do, not respected a safe word, anything like that.

Do you think this is still unhealthy?

No. 339718

Both of you like it, you both love eachother and he hasn't violated any boundaries, so what's the problem?

No. 339720

I just see often how unhealthy it is in any situation, how it’s a red flag, that these men always turn out to be abusers, women who think otherwise are just naive, etcetc
But I like to think I have a fairly decent judge of character now, after years of experiencing learning from men how terrible they can be and what to look out for

No. 339722

Its extremely unhealthy and there is something deeply wrong with a man that gets off on hurting you. Its psychopathic in nature, and him engaging in it and rewiring his brain with orgams to not feel empathy when he hurts you is very dangerous. You should both stop and you should go to therapy. Once you have unpacked and processed your trauma, that "kink"(self harm) will dissappear. Just google it, countless of people into bdsm say they stop wanting to get hurt when they get past their trauma.

Stop it before he actually harms you. I dated a man like that while not having that "kink" myself. He was just like your boyfriend, so sweet and nice…ti begin with. I now have brain damage and genital scarring.

No. 339725

Of course it's unhealthy. He gets off on hurting women (you) and the bottom line is that he enjoys it because he's misogynistic. You think a patient and loving man would get hard from play-abusing the woman he supposedly loves? Not to mention, people consent to self-harm all the time. Maybe you should dig deeper as to why you enjoy this shit, because it's always rooted in self-esteem issues or internalized misogyny.
>I am a radfem
Can you really call yourself a radfem if you enjoy a man pretend-raping you?

No. 339726

Thanks for all the advice nonnies, I'm going to try to explain some things and stop seeing him next time he reaches out. I feel really lame for letting things get like this.

No. 339730

>I have trauma
>my bf does tons of stuff for me like I'm helpless, and he only wanted to have sex if he was sure we would marry
>me and my bf frequently have sex where I'm screaming out in pain from being hit
>but it's okay cause otherwise he's nice and caring, he only acts sadistic during our scheduled agreed upon time to do it!
>uhh guys is this unhealthy?

No. 339739

> He does not watch porn, he didn’t know much of anything about sex, he is the furthest thing from a coomer.
>If he was even slightly a pornsick degenerate I would not be with him
Uh huh…
>he started learning that he had cnc fetishes. He gets hard hearing me scream, pulling my hair, slapping me, hearing me cry.
Woops there it is. Your boyfriend is a degenerate pornsick coomer, sorry. There is no normal guy who is into this shit and you are a retard for believing your bf doesnt watch violent porn. Guys who were virgins most of their life and never got to have real sex are always the worst coomers cause they watch porn to make up for lack of sex.

No. 339756

Happily in love with a man who I havent met yet - and feeling uncharacteristically sad about the whole thing. Even being in joyful love is a suffering. Before, I was peaceful.

I'm very "look at the now, look only at what is, do not think of the past or the future" and generally this brings me profound peace and acceptance of life's many difficulties.. But true love is an insurmountable force of destruction. My peace is shattered, my tranquility asunder.
The life I have spent a decade perfecting evaporates before my eyes. What am I to do with this sensation if not tear up the mountains and throw them across the sea? I hope they crush his entire town and he decides to move here instead. Say nothing to no one girlies, if ye hear it on the news it wasn't me!

No. 339757

I hope you trust your gut sweet anon, you wouldn't have asked if you weren't already aware of how you feel deep down - others approval or disapproval or deeming it healthy is irrelevant to the fact that you (seemingly) understand why this is wrong, and what it might mean for whoever comes after you, which isn't your responsibility to consider but it is worth factoring into how you approach the situation in your own mind. Sending love and peace, truly

No. 339759

>whats wrong?
Man gets erection hearing woman he ostensibly cares about screaming in suffering.

No. 339762

Thank fucking god people here have common sense. If OP posted this anywhere else you'd have braindead takes like "it's just kink! what do you do inside the bedroom doesn't define you!!"

No. 339765

It's extremely unlikely he developed his fetish without outside input as opposed to getting it from watching violent porn. Don't underestimate how wide spread and easily accessible violent porn is. The fact he was a virgin before you makes it even more likely he's lying to you because a healthy adult man is going to compensate not being able to be sexually active irl. Sorry anon but you're most likely being lied to. Even if that isn't the case, it's still unhealthy like other anons have said.

No. 339767

I'm a moron we didn't broach the getting tested talk before getting busy and in retrospect I'm not sure he was as wholesome as he pretended to be. I think a lot of it was an act so I'd fuck him. I only let him do it for a second and we did use condoms but christ what was I thinking? He said he had a vasectomy and was only with his long term ex before me so scoffed when I brought up condoms but agreed (I was only with a ltr before him so he knows I'm good). I'm really confused then why he told me he uses snapchat for thot pictures then? With who the nonexistent girls he totally isn't fucking? Also he seemed really good at sex for a guy that doesn't get any. Fuck I have an std don't I? Kill myself! How can I bring up testing with him? Say like damn we moved so fast if you really wanna make full use of your vasectomy we should both just get tested so we can be free with each other how does that sound? Don't be mean to me I'm sensitive and clearly low iq

No. 339775

I had a date with someone, I thought we had a good time, I texted him the next day (just stuff like hey how are you), he just curtly replied with how he's busy at work, so I assumed he'd text me something when he's not busy. That was five days ago. I'm reading this as a sign that he's not interested and I should move on, right?

No. 339778

How joyful or happy could it be if you're so painfully separated and haven't even met? To me it sounds torturous, do you even plan to meet or move to each other?

It sounds like you're in love with a fantasy in your own head.

No. 339780

I'm sorry anon. I hope you're alright.

No. 339783

Just get yourself tested and also stop fucking him. If anything comes up positive let him know. He sounds dishonest I wouldn't believe his about the vasectomy.
yeah you should move on.

No. 339790

If there's a running theme on here lately its that being the one flying out to see a guy sets a bad precedent for being left used and confused afterwards. You flew to him, booked a room and all. How convenient for him and now you're just left in limbo. He's 34.. if he likes you he would be doing more on his end. You wouldn't be left waiting around for a sign to move forward. He'd make it happen if he wanted.

Hes plenty capable of getting on a plane himself, could come to you, return the same effort you already made, make his own trip, set some plans, invite you back but make sure you're not out of pocket for all the trips. There'd be something happening already. Tbh I would read into his lack of action more than whatever your chats are saying. I'm the same age and ime you don't drag your feet this long if you like someone in any meaningful way.

No. 339842

We’re definitely friends. However, there were some things that we regret not doing together. He and I are keeping the door open for something in the future

No. 339914

File: 1689155941517.jpg (45.09 KB, 1024x720, ede859b0a5e6cfdbb0e6e31d1daa60…)

how do i figure out if this guy is serious? he has manchild traits, but it might be from growing up in a rich family. also people in this country are more childish than where i come from. please help. i want to know if he wants to also marry and have children, in general, not specifically already with me. i am 5 years younger than him but if he wanted to have that soon i would be happy. but i know that scrotes can lie and manipulate for a long time even just for sex in a relationship that goes nowhere. i seen this happen to women, 5+ years in relationships with no proposal or no clear idea of plans to have children, or guys "suddenly" changing their minds when the women wanted babies. also i'm sort of a sperg with trust issues.
signs of seriousness so far
>paid for drinks and food on dates unless i specifically said to split it, bought me groceries
>drove me to the dates, and home, picked me up from work, several times
>bought me small furniture items i did not even ask for because he thought i would enjoy them (i do)
>is supportive of my hobbies, came to my show, shows support in person
>cringes at me having other guys interested but shows jealousy in a respectful and funny way
>listens actively and is emotionally supportive, befriends my friends and invited me to his workplace
we met for one month then he had a long holiday, that he said he wants to update me about everyday
>texts everyday, video and phone calls almost everyday for 2 months since
>i have holidays at an overlapping time so he plans to visit me there and we bought tickets back together
>tries to help me get a better job, move to a better place, and talks about what we will do when we get back.
then there were some romantic talks and implications through music but it might just be a gesture, we are both into art and a bit shy so can be kind of confusing i guess, we are both waiting to talk out loud about commitment until the textationship proved that we like each others' personalities too and we finally meet again. but how would i bring up my future plans and wishes without sounding too pushy or scary?

No. 339916

um, I might be missing something and I hate to say something so positive about a man lol but he sounds like an amazing friend to have. I would not jump from friendship to marriage talk you'll scare him off. it doesn't sound like you're dating right now, is that correct? why don't you start with that and work your way up to "can I bear your children?" a little later.

No. 339920

sorry, i am drunk on my feelings it seems. so we met from a dating app and hit it off. i was getting over somebody and he was about to leave the country. we drank together, had laughs, wandered around and hooked up. it was good and we did it again and again… so it's not friendship. but we were not sure if it would continue by the time he came back because it was going to be a long time, i was meeting other people, he might have met someone new there, and the short time we spent together was not enough to establish much trust or commitment. also the manchild traits were such that he changed his mind at the last minute about which restaurant or event to go to (fickle mindset, could someone he sees be there?), then for one whole week after being sick (we both got a cold from going to the beach while it was windy) he came up with different dates but by the time we agreed on an actual time i either had work or the tickets ran out. or he was annoying calling them off last minute (booty call by girls?). i called him out on bad planning and then he got it together. but i thought why would i have to do that to an older man. and i did not give a flying fuck if he met others. over time though we both thought it would be gross to see other people, or at least that's what he wants me to believe. if it was only 1 month of summer fling and 2 months of e-dating in hopes of some fuckboy delusion of his then i would rather him begone. but he seems to be normal, with friends, hobbies, exes.

No. 339939

>He and I are keeping the door open for something in the future
Be careful you don't end up wasting a lot of your time (and money) on this guy if a serious and long-term relationship is what you want in the near future. That "maybe, maybe not, we'll see where it leads"-thing is basically a no strings attached get out of jail free card for him to come and go as he pleases. Disregard if that's not what you're looking for.

No. 339941

>stop fucking him
Unless? I am going to get tested though and not ever go raw again. Also he was telling the truth about his vasectomy you can see the scar and he sperged for a long time about how cheap he got it because a student performed it on him or some shit under medicaid

No. 339942

Okay why are you even asking for advice if you are just going to keep doing the same thing?

No. 339945

If you think it's wise to keep fucking a guy who, in your own words, might have very well pretended to be wholesome to get you to fuck him and doesn't like it when you want to use condoms for your own safety and health, well it's up to you what type of guys you fuck I guess.

No. 339956

Probably racebaiting and whatnot, but never date males of color. Biggest creeps and misogynists.

No. 339961

>Why ask for advice if you aren't going to do exactly what I say?
Cuz I want feedback and ideas mommy is that ok
I have no idea what his deal is yet we haven't been talking very long and I'm not used to being with such a confident guy. He had no problem using a condom it's hard to explain how it went but he wasn't pressuring me to go without it was more that he didn't care either way. We've been talking more since. Also I'm dating others as well and we aren't exclusive

No. 339963

You seem extremely retarded and the guy who is fucking you is extremely creepy for going raw with a drooling retarded womanchild like you.

No. 339964

>I only let him do it
Girl, sex is not something a man "does" to you what the fuck

No. 339965

This nonnie needs a snickers

No. 339966

I didnt even reply to your post, I just think its a waste of time for anons to reply to you if you are set in your ways and will continue doing the same things

No. 339968

Because I think the other posters who replied to you about what kind of poly guy he is are right, and when you get tested something will probably come up (although I hope I'm wrong!). He seems like someone who will give you HPV at the very least.

No. 339985

Don't know if this is appropriate thread since my issue is about a platonic relationship, but I could really use some advice. I'm thinking about reconnecting with my ex best friend. We haven't spoke two years now. It all ended after she introduced me to her two childhood friends and I started getting so close to one of them to the point of neglecting the frienship we two had. She was going through some shit and so was I, and I wasn't there enough for her. Then the friend of hers that I got very close to started acting weird and obssesive and we got into a lot of arguments. Many which my best friend and the other girl tried to stay out of. Finally we had a big fallout and this time I dumbly pressured the girls to take my side despite knowing they were friend with this girl first and that I wasn't being such a good friend to them back then too. Tbh the girl that I had a falling out with wasn't either but they knew each other for so long that they were used to her behaviors.
After that my best friend and the other girl tried to meet up with me once and get me to apologise for some stuff I said in the argument to that third girl but I tried to brush it away and just hang out. Saying goobyes that night we said it was fun and we should go out sometime soon, but after that night they haven't messaged me and I haven't messaged them. I was pissed at the time they, especially my best friend, didn't take my side so I didn't want to be the first to message them. Then her birthday happened and I didn't even wish her happy birthday. Only after that did I feel like I messed up majorly, but was too ashamed (because of silence and because I didn't talk to her on her bd) that I continued to not have contact. But ever since it happend (so two years now) I still miss her so so much. I have at least one dream a week where I ask her to forgive me etc.
Today is her birthday and I really wanna send her some wishes but I'm worried I'll ruin her day by making her remember me. I planned to send them very late, right around midnight to not disturb her celebrations. Should I just say the wishes alone or should I somehow mention that I want to reconnect with her, apologise and meet up possibly if she wants to?
I really miss her and just wanna hear her voice again and hear how she's been doing, what she's up to etc. Just want to be part of her life again, no matter how small. I know I messed up and I'm ready to own up to it but there is unfortunately chance that she's not willing to forgive me or give me a chance, so I'm really worried

No. 340048

go wish her happy birthday and include a short (1-3 sentences) lines that talk about the good times and wanting to hang out sometime. good luck, nona!

No. 340050

maybe you can get something from my story, it's pretty basic:
when I didn't talk to my friend for about 2 years I randomly sent her a text greeting that I was thinking of her which she responded to. I can't remember which one of us said we missed the other one first but that was also part of it and happened within two texts. I also said I was sorry for [thing that caused us to not speak] within a couple messages, maybe the first one. Then we made plans to meet up which involved going on a trip because we lived hours apart and we had a nice time and have stayed connected ever since even though we live far apart, we see eachother 2-3 times a year it's nice. It's the longest and currently only adult friendship I'v maintained because I make an effort to reach out and I'm honest with her. If she had not responded that would have been the end of it, I probably would have deleted her number to keep myself from being weird.

No. 340117

I have this guy friend I've been talking to on and off for years. We used to be really close when we were younger but we've both drifted away as we've grown up and moved to different states. We still chat every once in a while though.
I got dumped by my gf who I thought I was gonna spend my whole life with, and a few months later he messaged me again and we chatted for hours. While I was talking with him I realized, woah shit, this guy really has his life together. He's really grown up from the teen I used to know him as, but even back then, he always treated me nicely. Literally have no shitty man experiences with him at all. I have a huge fear of men and have had 90% bad experiences with them so I don't even feel like I have an interest in dating them. But while I was talking to him and after, I suddenly got overwhelmed with feelings for him. I can't stop thinking about him. All I want in life is stability and a safe, cozy home, and I can't stop imagining us being stable and happy together. I feel really bad because I think he liked me when we were younger (He never said it outright, but I remember some attempts at flirting. Another thing I respect about him. He stopped immediately when it seemed I wasn't interested.) I keep wondering what it would've been like if I gave him a chance. Wondering if I still have a chance now. I really don't know if this is a side-affect of getting broken up with. I don't believe I'm looking at him like a rebound, I'd genuinely be interested in pursuing a serious relationship with him. But I just don't know if this is my mind's way of attaching itself to someone new now that I don't have my gf. There's also the fact I haven't been attracted to men in years until now. I don't label my sexuality, it's mostly been women, but I still feel weird how quickly my mind turned itself around into being attracted to a man again.

No. 340202

I already posted this in a more appropriate thread, but I got memed on, so:

A boy asked me out and I’m going on my first ever date next week! With a boy I really like, even. I can’t believe it!
However, I’m kind of old to have never been on a date before, and I have no idea how dates work or how to act on one. So a general question: how do you have to act on dates? We met IRL, but we met only that one time, the rest of our conversations have been text. Should I hug him when I see him? Is it customary to kiss at the end of a nice date? What are good conversation topics for a first date and what should I avoid? Should I flirt? How do I do that? Should I tell him it’s my first date?

No. 340206

hug him, you don't have to, avoid dumping everything about yourself on the first date, yes flirt, its difficult to explain how to flirt but you'll get into it quickly once he starts being flirty with you its basically reciprocating the guy's energy and banter, never ever tell him that its your first date or that you never had a bf

No. 340216

Ask him lots of questions about him and his interests, men love to talk about themselves. Don't talk too much about yourself, remember he is a stranger. Meet in a public place and don't let him pick you up or drive you home, even if he insists. He might turn out to be a creep so tell a friend where you are going and make an exit strategy. If he leans in for a kiss when you say goodbye its up to you to kiss him back or not but you dont have to.

No. 340333

Perhaps I should note, he’s not a complete stranger, we met through mutual close friends and spent a considerable amount of time texting the past few weeks.

No. 340352

Texting doesn't mean he's not a stranger. You always have to protect yourself when meeting a man, getting murdered by a scrote is like the number 5 cause of death for women still. None of those women thought it would happen to them either. Tell your friends where you are going and maybe share your location with one of them.

No. 340411

I'm not exactly sure how to handle this: I've been with my bf for a few months and it kind of came out during a conversation that he thinks about committing suicide almost every day. I was alarmed by this but he assured me that "if [he] was going to actually do it, [he] would have done it a long time ago" and it's normal for him. When I asked if he had a specific plan, he said that he had researched how to hang himself correctly. We talked about it a little more after that, but he started trying to change the subject. What should I do nona? Other than that our relationship is fine, but I can't help but feel this intense sense of dread after hearing that.

No. 340425

If I were in your position, I would book an appointment with a therapist for myself and tell the therapist exactly what youve said here and see what advice they have to give you, and they will probably also be able to give you insight on recognizing when/if the situation becomes more serious

No. 340434

not trying to downplay it but that is normal for some people, what he says about if he was ever going to do it he would have already done it rings pretty true to me. Some people are just fucked up mentally and just have to live with those chronic thoughts and wind up living a normal life anyway.
t. (…)

No. 340444

I live in a different state than my boyfriend. We are technically long distance, but see each other for a month or two at a time, with a month or two break inbetween. He says he wants to live together before he proposes, I would honestly rather him propose and give me the commitment of that before I move states away, but it is what it is. Anyway, I plan on moving in with him at the end of the year. I have never lived with anyone else, after I moved out of my mom's house I lived right next door and I lived alone. Now I'll be further from her than I've ever been, in a city where I know no one but my boyfriend, packing up my life to try and make this relationship work.
I'm terrified, but I love him, so I'm trying. Is there anything I need to know before I move in that will help me protect myself incase something does happen to go wrong? I'm hoping and expecting the best, but I want to be prepared for the worst. I'm basically just looking for some older sister/motherly advice here. I'm scared and I want some advice that will help me make the best decisions here.

Thank you in advance for any and all advice you can give me.

No. 340456

It's clear he has mental health problems problems and he owes it to both you and himself to be actively working on it, so I'd suggest/urge for him to seek professional help. What >>340425 said sounds good too but I do think he should be actively seeking help. It's not fair to you if he doesn't try to get better because you could lose him at any moment regardless of what he says about not intending to go through with it.

No. 340484

If nothing serious, then we'll keep being friends as we're in the same social circle. He texted me before about how he should get women or wanting a gf as the same city as him. He's probably shy that a girl flew in to see him

No. 340550

Hope this is the right thread for this - so I'm pretty green with dating in general (got out of a longterm relationship last year), but a couple weeks ago I matched with a guy on Bumble and we really hit it off. We are both in our 30s, looking for a relationship, lots of similiar goals and interests. We texted pretty consistantly every day until our date on Saturday. We went out to dinner and wound up sitting and chatting for over 3 hours. Afterwards he walked me to my car, gave me a hug, said he had a nice time and to text him when I got home. I thought it went pretty well tbh. I texted him after getting home, he reiterated he had a nice time, but went unresponsive for the first time since we matched. This morning I reached out to ask about his day, he said he was planning on chilling at home, I texted back and he hasn't responded since.

Should I reach out to ask about a second date or give it some time? I really like this guy, but I kind of get the vibe he may just be trying to be nice. Like I said, pretty new to this stuff!

No. 340552

Nah dont bother, if he was interested in a second date he wouldnt have left tou kn read

No. 340649

Nonnies how do I become open to the thought of dating someone new after thinking that my previous partner was the perfect match for me? We shared so many core values and interests and I honestly feel like I won't ever find someone like this again (epecially since most moids my age, late 20's, want kids eventually but I don't want any).

No. 340658

Give it time! Why "open yourself up"? Who's forcing you? I've been through exactly what you're describing and it's been two years since it ended…and I'm not ready for another relationship. If you feel like you're ready, go for it! But if someone or multiple people are telling you what to do, then draw some boundaries. Personally, I'm trusting life to show the way. At the right time, in the right way, the right person will show! I trust this. However, don't expect a soulmate again; it's when we expect this that it doesn't happen. Just be glad you're willing to offer a moid a piece of your time, if he's the one, he will be more than glad to have that!

No. 340663

If you go through with moving in, make sure to find your own friends in the new city. I felt dependent the first time I moved to the city where my boyfriend is from because I basically shared his friend circle, but over time I started doing stuff with people without my bf. Now I'm glad I did that because the relationship isn't going well anymore and in case of a breakup I'm not completely alone because I have my own friends now (even if some of them are still mutual friends, I know they're now my friends too). This is really important nona. Don't make yourself emotionally dependent on him.

No. 340682

a proposal is just a promise so he doesn't have to be all weird about it. if it's that important to you then don't go unless he wants to be engaged. he's asking a lot by having you completely uproot yourself. if you're not excited to move away from home then don't do it. he could go to you, honestly (even if he has some excuse not to, so do you).
at the same time…if you get a proposal remember a proposal is just a promise and he could break that promise easily. keep your head on a swivel.

No. 340700

Easy for him, he wont even give you a verbal agreement bc its too much commitment for him, yet expects you to uproot your entire life and stability to depend on him.

No. 340713

So, I'm in serious shit.
Selling a property soon and I will likely not get much back from the sale, tl;dr ex is asshole.
Consequently, I have been having financial issues and have been unable to save. Lawyers and so on. My cards are maxed. I have no family to ask for help in the housing kind of way.
My only pet just had a medical emergency which cost a surprise $300..couldn't charge it to my maxed credit card(s). Had to pay shit outta bank, got less than $10 to my name til Friday. One autopayment will bounce tomorrow, earlier in the week I thought I'd get ahead and make my car payment early and be responsible with my spending thinking it would help me save more next paycheck…I should've waited until next week when it was due and my other paycheck…but the vet and now, ugh.
So I am in debt. Live paycheck to paycheck. Have no money. I don't know where to go after this property sells and it must.

I've been dating a man for about a month and a half. Someone who was always in my peripheral friend circle, we linked online one day. From the getgo he's been very empathetic, thoughtful, kind, and emotionally available. I've shit tested a few things already (seeing what his reactions are if I am unresponsive, busy, overwhelmed, upset, etc.) He just doesn't have a bad bone in his body. Always helpful, wanting to spend time with me.
He has other green flags, separate hobbies, friends, and so on. Decent career in my industry.
His apartment which he pays for alone is clean and tidy. No substance problems.
He's asked me to be his girlfriend already but I said to give me time and I gave some half-bullshit excuse about it being too soon from my ex. Truth is though, I don't know if I can see myself going with him. For one he strikes me as childfree (just not what I want when I am ready), and his personal appearance is not great. It makes me feel shitty typing that. He is willing to work on/has asked me unpromted about his appearance. Yet I wonder if I could really be happy if I settle. Not to say he has no cute features.
Also, he is just a bit too meek sometimes and he could really stand for some assertiveness.
Anyway, I did something real brash and had sex with him. Twice. Yeah, oopsie. He's pretty great/pleasey in bed and doesn't watch porn. Respectful, asking permission, decent size, used protection, and so on.

When he asked about my housing situation I explained everything. He asked if I had someplace to go, and I was honest. Without hesitation he offered his place to me. It would make my commute to work an hour each way (I may be able to work out traveling to work to be every other day). But he said he wouldn't ask me for rent or anything. Of course I would do my best in whatever way possible to do most of the domestic responsibilities in exchange, he is even getting along with and genuinely expresses care for my dog.
Do I have a relationship with him and just suck my preferences up? Should I stop trying to see other men at this point?
Neither of us has said that we love each other yet or anything.
"Beggars can't be choosers," plays on repeat in my head, but the other half of me feels I am being dishonest with both him and myself. Should I cast away the shallow and petty feelings for someone willing to do this for me?

No. 340743

This is quite the sticky situation. Im so sorry, you must be very stressed out. I personally think this sounds a tad manipulative, from both of you actually. Which makes it seem like a terrible idea to go through with. But in all honesty, if it were me in your position, and I truly had no options even a cheap studio or renting a room with roommates I could trust closer to my job, I would totally move in with month and a half dude. Id be extremely honest up front though and tell him I am uncomfortable with the idea due to the general circumstances, but if we do this then I would do my best to get on my feet and contribute to the home. Id tell him that I feel he is trustworthy and that I am very greatful for the offer too. Then I would say fuck it lets do this. Just dont combine finances and always have a backup plan. (I might ask for my own bedroom though at first, if he has the space kek and contribute financially as evenly as possible). Full disclosure, a similar thing happened to me. When covid lockdowns hit, I had literally jumped states to persue my self employed business which had started gaining traction, and it is the type of thing that the lockdowns completely obliterated my income prospects. I moved in with my male friend who I knew I was developing feelings for and that I knew had feelings for me… and we are still dating 3.5yrs later and have plans to marry. I got on my feet and we work great together. I think he is my soulmate. I dont think this type of thing happens often, be smart and watch yourself, and you will be okay. Dont feel like you owe him commitment if down the road you feel it isnt working, just because he helped you out.

No. 340969

my boyfriend has severe adhd and cannot be on time or considerate of time constraints. i've been understanding, i've offered to help him get it under control with meds/therapy, i've made it clear it's having an effect on our relationship, i've been upset, i've been sad, i've been returning "i dont have time now, i had time two hours ago". i am not getting upset over fifteen minutes, or pop-up things that are happening- i'm getting upset over hours and no communication or consideration. it's inconsiderate as hell and i have no idea what to do- i sound pathetic but i don't want to break up with him. i just don't know what to do because it is disrespectful, and i have ADHD too and took care of it with therapy, medication and behavioral changes. i adjust when there are issues and i don't get that back. right now i'm just doing "sorry, you missed your chance" and hoping it sinks in but i don't want to train an adult man.

No. 340973

nvm just got into it, he tried to explain it away, said it's not his fault, i said i get it but he needs to shift gears and reminded him that i've offered to help ("i've literally offered to set up appointments for you because i get it"), he said he didn't remember and was too tired to "do this" and basically hung up on me. i love him so much just set a fucking timer!!!

No. 340974

Not sure if bait, like what's the question here? You said yourself you don't want to break up. It's good that you're trying to assert boundaries. Don't offer to set up appointments for him and be his mom, that's enabling. Idk what else there is to say. He sounds like the most pathetic type of scrote and I'm sure you can do better than him.

No. 340982

oops i was too busy saying i don't know what to do- i was trying to ask if anyone has been in a similar situation or had any suggestions on what to do beyond being assertive. i feel like my understanding and forgiveness is being taken advantage of, so he's upset with me for pointing that out, and that i am refusing to allow the excuses he gets away with elsewhere.

No. 341099

To be completely blunt with you, if he is not willing to put in the effort to change and be considerate of your time and efforts, then he is not going to change period. He is not going to change. Let that sink in. He is clearly brushing you off along with the issue. It's too "tiring" for him. He does not care. So since you love him so much and don't want to break up with him, you will have to deal with this as it is. I don't know if anyone can spell it out any clearer because this situation is so stereotypical of moids, my eyeballs are rolling to the back of my head.

No. 341133

He actually apologized for last night, and made an appointment with his doctor and is on the waitlist for a therapist but going to look around to try to see someone sooner. I’m shocked he took care of it but really happy he understood and took action.

No. 341272

Hopefully easy question:
How to start date nights for fun with husband? We’ve been through a lot of transitions lately like moving and jobs and I feel like a date night would help us get closer again. He’s very asocial though (group things no good) and we live far from theaters and decent restaurants (.5-1hr drive for anything we’re interested in). Date ideas that don’t depend on larger social groups would be ideal…

No. 341279

Hi nonnies. I'm a 23 year old single autistic woman in an all female field with mostly female friends. I don't want to use dating apps and want to try meeting a bf organically. Nonnies with more experience, what do I vet for and what are some red flags? My dating skills are not great and I want to know how I can find a high value male after I had a not too hot dating experience with a mentally unstable draining ex and my other one just ended up getting bored and just wanted to be FWB. I tend to be a bit gullible and bad at noticing red flags/wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt due to my kindness.

No. 341321

>we live far from theaters and decent restaurants
>.5-1hr drive
Not to be an asshole but that's not far, are you sure you don't wanna drive for half an hour-hour? Plenty of people commute that daily, it's not unreasonable for a "special" occasion like a date night. I realize this isn't the answer you wanted but personally I'd see that as an investment into a mutually enjoyable date night and your relationship.

No. 341343

It is really stereotypical when you think about it. A lot of moids claiming to have ADHD and it's why they cancel on you last second for date nights, don't want commitment and want to break up with you to be "FWB" and don't clean up after themselves. It's been so common at this point among fellow women I've known that I wonder if it's correlated with how overdiagnosed ADHD is

No. 341376

File: 1690060322399.jpg (353.67 KB, 640x480, Tumblr_l_280964145145632.jpg)

Nonas I'm kind of losing it. My bf went home to be with family for a few days. (Did not invite me to come btw). He has changed his plans to come back like 5 times. At first the plan was that he would come back after 4 days there. Then it changed to 5 days due to him not being able to rent a car (and this is when he purchased a round trip bus ticket for). Then he told me his mom asked him to stay 3 extra days, but that he told her no because he wanted to come home. Then he told me he actually changed his mind and was gonna stay the extra 3 days, I said what about the bus ticket/his job he said his mom would rent him a car and he would talk to his boss. At this point I was pretty frustrated because this means he won't be home for plans we made unironically like 3 months ago which we would just have to postpone. (Never get in a fight over the phone shit sucks ass). Then he told me that his sister might drive him home. I was like okay. My mom asks me if his sister will stay the night because the drive is pretty long and if so I have to clean the basement and the guest room. I check with him and he asks her, and she says definitely not. I let my mom know this. Then he tells me he has to stay an extra day because the event he was staying for was postponed. Then the night before he tells me his sister said to someone else she might "possibly" stay. I ask him to get a straight answer from her, he texts her and just says she still says "possibly". Then he tells me that she may bring a friend, I say then surely that friend can drive the way back since they should get here early enough to get back there at a reasonable time. He agrees and says if she can get a friend to come with her she won't stay the night, which means I won't have to spend hours cleaning. In the morning I let my mom know about the change of plans and the time they will be here. Then around when they are supposed to be on the way, he tells me she doesn't have anyone to come so she's going to have to stay over. Then much later, 3 hours after they were supposed to be on the way, he tells me they've only just started driving and also she is bringing a friend but ALSO her AND her friend are going to stay over unless I tell them to buzz off and get a hotel. I talk to my mom about this and it turns into this half conversation half argument because my mom doesn't want anyone to smoke in the house or fuckin' (His sister was arrested for weed smoking recently which for the record idgaf about but it's not my house & her friend is a moid even though I told her that they are not a couple although I don't know much else about either his sister or her friend). My mom ends up saying to just not say anything and let them stay here so I don't ruin my reputation with their family and leaves. Tbh I don't know if I just want to vent or what because this situation is really stupid. But I'm really frustrated my mentally retarded brain can't handle all the changes. I wish my bf would just stick with one damn thing I mean I understand one or two changes but shit just KEPT happening and he kept promising that such and such thing was definitely the plan now etc idk I fr cannot take it

No. 341381

Sorry you had an argument with your mum but she sounds pretty cool. If they show up you might try to make the best of it and just tell them no smoking and hopefully if they have humility and take into account all the delays they'll be nice guests and you'll have a nice time. My family sounds a bit like your bfs, they flip flop over plans right until the deadline and it's annoying af.

No. 341387

I wouldn't be able to handle this. I would have absolutely flipped my shit.

No. 341391

He and his family sound trashy af, dump him.

No. 341406

Your bf and his sister are extremely disrespectful. I couldn't ever imagine treating anyone like this or valuing their time so little. It's so inconsiderate to be this fickle and not realize the impact it has on other people. I hope these people are very young because it's immature af and if they are older than 20 then they are total trash.

No. 341411

She is really cool, we cleaned together which made a 6 hour job into like a 3 hour job. (It's very messy because of three other family members who have stayed here temporarily and trashed it fr poop stains on wall level. Inhumane. But that's a different tangent). We shot the shit and I think things are basically cool with us. She did keep emphasizing no smoking however, because we have some expensive stuff down there. She talked about putting a camera down there but I felt like that would offend them, so if they get burns on my beanbag, pillows, or quilts I'll just kms lol.
Yeah I did flip my shit a little and tell him I didn't want to be disrespected this way (the aforementioned phone fight). And he said it's not a crime to want to spend time with his family. After that I kind of felt evil but I was and am still mad. Like why couldn't he have said he was going to spend a week there from the get-go and had used the transportation that was planned out in that timeframe? Why does he just flipflop and not even ask me? It's crazy because he portrayed it as being up to me to which I told him it was ultimately his decision but I think he should come home at the time he said, and then he was like okay, then a day later with very little communication he told me well Actually no I'm staying here. Idk I'm running in circles about it but that's how that fight felt. It was mainly upsetting because every single day he said he would call me that night and then forgot each time. I know I'm assigning a cruel motive where I don't know if there is one but sometimes I really wonder if he just gets off to me waiting up on him, begging him to come back, etc.
This is exactly how I feel and honestly it makes me feel so much more sane to read these anons. Also btw I am 20, my boyfriend is 21, his sister is 20. Even though we're still decently young I feel like we're past the age to know someone's time is valuable. I literally have never just dipped out on him. I'll be honest we have a lot of problems, it's a lot to get into but sometimes I just feel so frustrated and alone that in a weird way I'd rather just be single? But sometimes things are really good too. I keep thinking that if I just think my way through this and get him to understand how he's been making me feel, that we'll be happy again. Idk it's pathetic and tragic etc. I await the awkward experience when they get here in like 10 min lol

No. 341442

>Also btw I am 20, my boyfriend is 21, his sister is 20.
>I'll be honest we have a lot of problems, it's a lot to get into but sometimes I just feel so frustrated and alone that in a weird way I'd rather just be single? But sometimes things are really good too.
This sounds like the biggest cope ever. If you love him so much that you can put aside your frustrations with him and his disrespect for your time and the plans you two set out 3 months ago, then continue on with whatever this relationship is. Damn. You don't need this nonsense.

No. 341460

I think you need to set stricter boundaries with these people honestly.
>hen the night before he tells me his sister said to someone else she might "possibly" stay. I ask him to get a straight answer from her, he texts her and just says she still says "possibly".
Like at this point you should've said: I want a yes or a no and I want it now, if you can't get me a straight answer I will assume no and if she wants to stay the night after all it's up to her to figure out where she stays.

Don't let people toy with you and your time if you insist on associating with them.

No. 341465

He literally doesn't understand how rude he is being because he's too young. He's probably never hosted anyone. Someone should have taught him (his parents ideally). If he lived in his own place and had to be a host maybe he would get it (unless he's the type of man to be a bad host, many such cases).

No. 341467

Exactly, that's why you don't move in with men who have 0 experience living on their own.

No. 341848

Found my boyfriend trying to talk to moids online. Not in a friend way, more in a he has a trans fetish way. We talk about how degenerate troons are. I don't get it, we planned a future. Why would he be searching for men? What do I do? This has been ongoing before I met him, so this isn't even a me problem. I'm so fucking tired of this society being saturated by porn mindedness.

No. 341853

I hope this is bait. Why the fuck did you get involved if this was ongoing before you met him? Of course it's not a you problem, it's not even possible for this to be your fault in any universe. He straight up told you he's a degenerate and now he's talking to men online. Leave his closeted gay ass.

No. 341857

Not bait, I legitimately thought us being committed and getting together would've stopped these habits of him, which these habits did end a few days before we started talking and I discovered this finding a few months after we were together. I stayed because he didn't do those things from the timeline of us being together. I thought it was a temporary thing one would do while only single.

No. 341859

>I legitimately thought us being committed and getting together would've stopped these habits of him
Being committed doesn't stop habits like that. Full stop. It's true for both men and women. Human sexuality runs deep, and it's both unchangeable and fluid. You were being a naive summer child. Fyi, "I'm going to stop" = "I'm going to become better at hiding".

No. 341860

Sorry you didn't know that he was definitely going to keep doing it. Please don't believe that ever again, that's not how it works. Immediately distance yourself from this man, he's extremely dishonest.

No. 341877

>I legitimately thought us being committed and getting together would've stopped these habits of him
Oh anon please never assume men change with commitment, don't bet your time and energy on that. My mom too thought my fature "would mature" once they had kids, guess what he didn't. Once people reach adulthood their personality and habits are more or less set and if anything only tend to become deeper ingrained as they age.

No. 341878

If anything the two of you talking about how degen troons are.. probably plays into the kink factor for him. Plenty of men absolutely think troons are freakshows.. thats the appeal. The taboo. Idk if you expect someone to have a solution that includes you two staying together. Men into that shit will burn down every straight relationship they get into (no matter how ideal you might be) to still get their fix. He's already reaching out to them. What more do you need to gtfo?

No. 341901

Not the original nona, but it's so disheartening to read about how degenerate men are through the stories on here. Their nature sucks. Even if she's in a committed relationship, she doesn't satiate his desires, and he still has a wandering eye/penis. I always see the same "I can change him" meme going around, but the truth is that no woman can really change a man. He'll simply hide it better or try to double down and slowly show his dark side, bit by by, to get his victim to get used to it. Shit happens. I wish the best for her and hope she breaks up with that hopeless creep.

No. 341933

I am sorry if I come across as insensitive, but how could you be in a sexual situation with him twice if you weren't attracted to him? Even if you were only testing if there is chemistry. I think you find him handsome, he just doesn't make you crazy with his appearance. He sounds like a great guy, you are lucky you found him so it would be unwise to leave him because he doesn't look like some ideal you might never encounter. Just make sure you are not forcing yourself, that there is genuine attraction, and that you agree about children

No. 341937

Nonna, men are married with children for 15 years and they are fine with destroying that for 5 minutes of sex with a random gay man. I agree with others and wouldn't recommend staying with him, but maybe he could try some therapy or self-control to get rid of this degeneracy. Maybe he was unconditioned to like it by pornography, as you said.

No. 341939

>It makes me feel shitty typing that.
Good, it should
>Should I stop trying to see other men at this point?
Should have already babes
>Should I cast away the shallow and petty feelings for someone willing to do this for me?
You should examine them more closely to see how much they actually matter to you. And more importantly you need to decide, in isolation from the housing issue, if you want a relationship with him. Starting a relationship with someone for the sole reason that you would otherwise be homeless is just planting the seeds of another shitty situation like whatever you just got out of.

No. 341946

How do I tell my boyfriend I have mentally clocked out of school this term? I mentally dropped out. I feel like such shit about because he has been helping me financially (paying for groceries, my basic needs, my portion of rent, activities) while I finish this intensive course. He was so happy for me that I return to school, so was I but then I am having a mental fucking breakdown and can no longer catch up.
I don't want to disappoint him at all. He helps me so much financially and also mentally. He helps pay for my meds that cost over 400$ a month too.
I plan on working FT during the rest of the term since I am dropping out. So I'm not a leech. I just feel like shit all of it. I even thought about breaking up with him so he doesn't have a loser of a gf.

No. 341947

>I even thought about breaking up with him so he doesn't have a loser of a gf.
Nona why would you say this about yourself? I feel like this isn't coming from just anywhere.

No. 342002

>I just feel like shit all of it. I even thought about breaking up with him so he doesn't have a loser of a gf
Nonnie, are you me? I am in a similar situation except we live in different parts of the country and he visits me or gives me money so I can visit him. Even though he doesn't want someone else and never made me feel guilty, I feel like I am dragging him down.
I am sure he loves you and will be supportive, having a job instead of studying is great because you won't feel like a leech and it will keep you stable mentally. Remember that you are not living for him, it's not only his loss, you are disappointing yourself as well

No. 342003

You're not a loser, you just have a very negative view of yourself rn, so you're blind to all the positives that attracted your boyfriend in the first place and keep him with you. I would say you should just tell him how you feel, ask if you can vent to him about your mental fatigue and if he can just listen. Explain that your self-esteem is low right now and it's hard to find motivation. These are all very normal experiences btw, and you will get through them but you do need to find someway to build up your self-esteem again, ideally without your boyfriend's help, but let him cheer you on if you need it.

No. 342028

You're not a loser and women give more worth to a man simply for being with him. A man with a girlfriend has more social status than a single man.

No. 342103

Please if someone can help me. I'm so lost and confused.
My husband and I took a break because of some relationship issues. He left me because he felt like he was growing apart from me. I messaged him two months later saying I love him and miss him. I want him to come home but I know he has a life there now so I am just happy supporting him from afar.

He comes to visit me this weekend and we have a long talk about the relationship. He tells me some things he wants to change in the marriage. Basically how long it will take to sell the house to I can move to where he is staying. I tell him a year or two because the roof is damaged and I have to repaint. He agrees and says it's okay. We make up (no sex) and he even apologizes for not wearing his ring anymore.

He heads back to his city for work the next day. That night he calls me to tell me he had been seeing another girl. He says he stopped seeing her the moment I messaged him. I asked a couple of questions for reassurance that didn't sit right with me. But the conversation changes when he says that we aren't together. We are still separated. And the only way for us to fully work on our marriage is if I sell the house within a month or so and move up there.

I'm left extremely shocked and confused. I practically beg him for reassurance because I don't know what I'm doing. The house isn't ready to be sold. He says that his parents sold their house within a month so why can't I?
Eventually he says he is unable to live another year or so apart, so I need to think about what I really want. I say it's not too long. And then I beg again for reassurance. For help. I just want to know if things will be OK.
He responds with "Do you want me to tell you I love you? Do you want me to say that I want us to stay together?"

He says he is putting his phone down for the night so I respond with "Sorry for bothering you. Have a good night."

Why can't he give me emotional support? I'm literally over the moon with happiness one second and he takes it away the next. Is he playing me? I'm sorry. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm crying and emotional as I type this. Thank you for reading.

No. 342114

Nonna, do you love this man? Because I'm sorry if this is too brusque, but it sounds like you shouldn't. You put it pretty clearly yourself, you asked him for emotional support and he refused to give it, you asked for reassurance and he refused to give it. He makes it very clear that he doesn't respect or care about your emotional needs. I think you need to really ask yourself some hard questions about why you're struggling so hard to maintain your marriage with this guy, is it because there's something there of value to you or is it something else, fear of change, fear of what you might perceive as failure, fear of starting again.
A relationship is a means for two people to work together to make each other happy, if you're not happy and he is not only doing nothing to change that but instead is making further demands of you then what's the relationship worth?

No. 342116

He was with another woman while still married to you. He probably wanted this break just so he could cheat on you and claim "we were on a break". There is no break from marriage. Divorce this idiot, he does not love you and think about you the same way you think about him. If he loved you he wouldn't ne fucking other women. Wake up.

No. 342124

with kindness, he is keeping you on a string and tormenting you for what sounds like both financial and emotional gain. do not think of anything he said or what you think you saw in him this weekend- is he going to get money from the home sale? is it your home you are selling and stressing over alone, and he stands to benefit from it while you are married and divorces you after, and can say you were actively working on things? he isn't even giving you emotional support- he is tricking you into thinking he is- he. is. laughing. at. you. cut him off and laugh at him for thinking he could play you like that. i am so sorry, he does not respect you, let alone your relationship. stop apologizing for being human and see how fast he straightens up when he realizes you moved on and wised up. fuck this guy, you deserve better.

No. 342127

He sounds manipulative throughout the whole story to be honest. Sorry anon, I hope you can figure out what's best next.

No. 342151

You married, he left, he moved away, he saw someone else and carried on without
a care about you. This isn't some shit you figure out post marriage vows. Being on a break is what you do while dating and even then 9 times out of 10 it isn't a great indicator of whats to come. I've had a marriage end suddenly so I get the temptation to try and salvage it by any means but you should've accepted that a man who ups and abandons your MARRIAGE isn't someone you can just trust again all while he continues to give you a half assed 'well come and get me' effort like this.

He had the freedom to leave, he had the freedom to see others without worrying about you during that time but now he wants you at his beck and call if you want to win him back.. Is he a prize? Are you always going to treated as lesser than him? Following his orders. This is like a dignity destroying test of how much shit you'll put up while still telling yourself he's somehow worth it. By marrying he already signed up to be dependable and broke that. He's not going to change and be your support if you reward this behaviour by chasing him anf following orders. All this teaches him is that he can do the same thing again. And he most likely will as soon as you hit another rough patch. You're not a couple of teenagers taking a break. Don't anchor yourself to a man who puts you through all this testing after already signed up to marriage. Get the divorce ball rolling. Make it clear that he abandoned the marriage. This isn't reasonable spouse behaviour.

No. 342169

He doesnt love you, he want you to sell the house so he can get funds and he is stringing you along

No. 342173

I am, I cannot see myself doing another day of school. I haven't been attending normally. Briefly, and leaving mid class because I'm having a major freak out. I'm probably dealing with a bunch of self esteem issues with the terms of education and life. He comes from a good background and finished uni. His current job is insane (good) he's doing so many good projects with celebrities and stuff. While I cannot even finish because I die every time.
>I would say you should just tell him how you feel, ask if you can vent to him about your mental fatigue and if he can just listen. Explain that your self-esteem is low right now and it's hard to find motivation. These are all very normal experiences btw, and you will get through them but you do need to find someway to build up your self-esteem again, ideally without your boyfriend's help, but let him cheer you on if you need it.
I've vented, and he was willing to pay a tutor for class, but I have such shit esteem that I cannot even consider a tutor because I am about to get judge. I am so behind. I vented, he listens but I haven't mentioned dropping out. I should, and I will once he is done filming the documentary. I don't want to add to his plate.
We'll get through this, nonny.
Thank you everyone for the advice and words, it helped a lot.

No. 342176

I am sorry to be blunt but
He knows you'll get the house in the divorce but if it's money you'll only get half the funds

No. 342180

This.. I'd think twice about selling the house on a wim to appease a man who's checked out of the marriage and is ordering you around. Please seek legal assistance to double check what legally happens to the house or the funds from selling it if it comes to a divorce. Please do yourself that favour even if you're convinced right now that it won't end up in a divorce, have yourself properly informed to keep an as secure position as possible.

No. 342181

He's stringing you along for monetary reasons. Seek the council of a divorce lawyer immediately. Cease all communications with him immediately. I'm sorry but he left you, he's never coming back and he just hasn't filed for divorce because he wants to personally manipulate you into giving him what he wants (which is working and he knows it).

No. 342183

lawyer the fuck up. compile any evidence of your husband seeing another woman whether that be text messages, photos etc, and any evidence of his mistreatment of you in general. do not contact him anymore and do not sell the house.

No. 342191

Before I got married to my husband, he seemed confident with me and would never get jealous of other men. Now that he has me married, he's jealous of other men? We could be watching a video, or I could bring up something about a man and he suddenly gets irked out that I even acknowledged a male presence. I call him out on it every time and he denies it sometimes, but feels the need to spaz out and go on a tangent about said male about how awful he actually is for breathing. He doesn't accuse me of wanting them, but he dislikes that I care enough to bring up a guy. He only does this with men I guess he considers a threat. He doesn't care that I talk about fugly men and how unkempt they are and shouldn't be allowed to be in public. Can somebody make sense out of this?

No. 342198

File: 1690485478459.gif (283.35 KB, 220x162, red-flag.gif)

DIVORCE, NOW. There are so many red flags here, anon. DO NOT SELL THE HOUSE and do not speak to him again without a lawyer.

No. 342200

This is a redflag, he’s definitely acting overly possessive and insecure for no reason. It reminds me of some passages in Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft where she describes how men seem okay, but after marriage some signs start to appear of him acting overly possessive, and potentially to the point of being suspicious of any man you interact with. He may make you feel more isolated and like you can’t exist without him monitoring your every move. Look out for more redflags and read the book I mentioned it’s available as a pdf online if you just search it. It will help you realize if he’s turning more abusive.

No. 342204

No. 342208

Don't sell the house, he's worthless and so is his sidewhore. You deserve a person that loves you, I hope you find someone who values you the way you deserve to be valued.

No. 342269

I'm back with an update. The relationship is over. I'm mentally numb right now. I'm now seen as this evil person by him.

No. 342279

Good for you. You can be seen as evil all he wants, but what matters is that you stood by your principles and decided not to entertain this scumbag. Talking with moids in a fetish type of way, get the fuck out of here. He'll get what's coming for him, and you'll feel better being away from him too.

No. 342291

I just came here to say this. Men only grow when in the presence of high vibration, strong women (which is almost all of us.) WOMEN grow best in solitude, where we dont have to feel responsible for others feelings. We can be, freely. Men will always try to smother you, both physically and emotionally. They want to take everything from you and they will get jealous when you want to give to yourself. Especially if they cant give you what you need or want, they will pity themselves and expect you to pity them too. Do NOT pity them. Men are helpless without women. Do not let them smother you. You are absolutely everything alone. The only function of man is to provide, and protect women. If he isnt doing that, PLEASE for the love of God ignore him and do not validate his need for pity. You are the universe, he is but a pedestal for you to stand on. If he isnt lifting you up, IGNORE HIM!

That is all, I love you nonnies please remember your worth

No. 342293

>high vibration
stopped reading

No. 342295

I want to add to this, this is very important. Learn how to emotionally support yourself, entirely. I mean COMPLETELY. Spend time alone and get yourself to a point where you dont need ANYONE, no matter how you may feel. This is the most important thing you could ever do for yourself, genuinely. please take care of yourselves and remember that you are the universe. You are a creative force full of love. You deserve nothing short of limitless devotion, loyalty, respect, and a constant stream of abundance. You deserve everything you want and more. Safety, comfort, love. Provide those things for yourself and you will never need a man, and he will know it. As he should. Know your worth!!! You're the most valuable thing in the world!

No. 342296

love you for posting an encouraging message but I really don't believe in vibrational bs.

No. 342297

>The only function of man is to provide, and protect women.
But that means you depend on him for survival…

No. 342298


I try to help you bitches all the time, but you prove time and again that you just want to nitpick and judge. Take my advice or dont, i dont care. I'm just trying to help you. Try practicing discernment once in a while.

No. 342299

Where did she imply that? Men can't function without a woman taking care of them. Women can still excel perfectly on their own, and should only accept a man into their lives if he contributes in some way (rare).
You're right; they're just nitpicky about the wording.

No. 342300

>Where did she imply that?
If someone else provides for you and protects you, that means you depend on him for survival and he has power over you.

No. 342302

>Especially if they cant give you what you need or want, they will pity themselves and expect you to pity them too.
Can we talk about this real quick? I swear, every time I've told any man in my life that they aren't meeting my needs and we need to work on things, they immediately break down and try to fight me on it, instead of just listening and being a better partner. I've had almost all of them mention suicide. So then I have to drop whatever problem I have and then comfort them or else I'm an awful person. It reminds me when I was growing up, I told my father I was depressed and needed help and he told me "well I want to blow my brains out" and made it about him and his baby feelings. So then I had to care for and comfort him. Why the fuck are men like this? Has anyone else dealt with this?

Just because you get a moid to pay for your shit doesn't mean you don't work and have your own money saved. She's not implying to stay with a moid because you don't have your own life together.

No. 342304

Men want you to comfort them in their inadequacy. They feel insecure and dont want to change. If they display this behavior LEAVE and IGNORE. Its the only way to get them to stop. They either level up or you stay gone. Men never learn from words, only example. Speak with your actions. Comfort and care for your inner child. I'm sorry your father did that to you, i experienced the same. When we have emotionally immature parents, we dont learn how to protect ourselves, they manipulate us as children to provide. Never let guilt cloud your judgement. Every person is responsible for their own safety and feelings first. Parents are supposed to give unconditionally, while filling their own cup. They dont learn to do that before having children, and we suffer. We MUST give to ourselves
Learn to read. If you are providing for yourself entirely, what a man offers is EXTRA. You do understand that you can be given what you dont need right? If you emotionally provide for yourself, you should have no problem using your natural gifts, skills and abilities to provide tangible safety and comfort for yourself. Always provide for yourself first.

No. 342305

Good on you. I'm sorry that must have been emotionally draining. You didn't do anything evil, he he ended things with his actions.
>Has anyone else dealt with this?
Yeah. Doing all the housework and cleaning makes me hate his guts, so I tried to talk to him about him sharing the load and he said something like it doesn't matter if the house is dirty because it's never really clean anyway and why do we even have to eat every day? It's not easy for him to do those things, especially cooking, so he doesn't do them (was basically the sum of the argument). What do I even say to that? Really makes me want to give up.

No. 342306

Cook and clean only for yourself. When he whines or gets angry that you didnt make anything for him or clean up his mess, ignore him. If this doesnt force him to take responsibility for himself, leave. He doesnt care about your feelings and you deserve better.

No. 342309

>When he whines or gets angry that you didnt make anything for him or clean up his mess
He would never. He genuinely doesn't care if the house is dirty or there's no dinner made. I've done that before to see if it would change anything, it doesn't. It's not about what he wants it's about what I want. I care a lot if the house is dirty and there's no meal to share. He does not seem to care that it's important to me which is why I'm upset.
I'm not interested in having a private little solo dinner and pretending I can't see his messes, I might as well leave him if that's how it's gonna be. That's like having a shitty roommate. I'd rather live alone.

No. 342310

nta but from experience the "only clean for yourself" part doesn't work because (some) men are totally fine just living in dirt. What are you going to clean just for yourself if you live together anyway? If you clean after yourself in the kitchen but he doesn't, you still end up using a dirty kitchen. So either you don't clean the kitchen and you have to use a dirty kitchen or you do clean the kitchen and he freeloads. Either you vacuum the living room and both enjoy a clean room or no one does because he refuses and you both sit in dirt etc. He migth be different ofc but it's risky because it may just show him if he holds out on cleaning long enough you'll end up cleaning all shared spaces by yourself. It's really tough to deal with someone like that and I think it comes down to a lack or respect for you at it's core. I don't know how to deal with it better though, I've never personally figured it out either.

No. 342311

yeah, basically this. he would happily live in filth. I can't.

No. 342312

Then you need to leave him and find someone who has respect and care for you.

No. 342314

I know.
I'm so frustrated because it's so basic. Cooking and cleaning are literally basic requirements for life, everyone has to do them. (Actually he doesn't even have to cook, I've said many times premade food or going out to eat are both fine too, but those are too expensive and/or not good quality to him so he won't.) I've been to his childhood home and met his parents, he grew up in a clean house with lots of very good food every day. I'm puzzled how he did not learn the importance, that it makes life pleasant. I've been to his sister's house, it's clean and she cooks fun delicious things like his parents. Honestly seeing her house really got under my skin, it just reminded me how he had all the same opportunities she did… I grew up in a hoarder house covered in fleas and cat shit, how the fuck am I the one who cleans now?

No. 342315

Make him pay all the bills and in return you do all the cleaning. Easy. If he can't afford that then he needs to live alone in his filth.

No. 342317

I know. I've already left men like this because they are broken and are not worth our love. Thanks for the sympathy, nonna, the best thing we can do now is save other women from this same bullshit.
I'm surprised you haven't killed him yet. You're wasting all your patience on him. I hope you can find a wonderful man who cleans for you because he wants to make you as comfortable and happy as possible.
That doesn't solve the problem of him disregarding her needs to begin with. Money doesn't solve everything and telling him to pay for everything while she does all the actual work is just an easy way out for him.

No. 342321

Dump him if he doesn't agree

You will never solve the problem tho. You can't turn a slob into a househusband.

No. 342322

Over time that's what has happened. He works, I don't work now. I actually hate it. I thought it would make me not mind so much or make things more "even" but it doesn't. At the end of the day he would go to work and pay his bills wether I was there or not. It's not something he does for me, plus I could do it myself and I have before and I like working. When we both worked I still did all the housework. Now I don't have to work but I'm not allowed to spend money on fun things because we don't have as much, he has an opinion on every purchase (even if it's from my savings) which is just a new annoying thing to deal with. It's a bad trade and involves him doing nothing he wouldn't do already. I basically have more free time to stare at the empty house and think about what to make for dinner (kind of a separate me-problem I don't know what to do with my time, I would honestly rather be at work doing something.) I tried the arrangement you're suggesting and I don't like it.

No. 342353

Bit of some backstory for context. And this may be long but I would really appreciate some opinions on this
>My dad killed himself when I was young, leaving my mother single raising a child by herself
>Her parents died when I was young also, and they left her with immense debt
>Complicated to explain but when they died there was a lot of debt that legally became her responsibility
>She quit her business she owned, a brick and mortar store, her Dream Job to end up working 2 very laborious jobs my entire childhood
>Hard jobs that had her on her feet all day, my entire childhood, every day. Constantly exhausted, like falling asleep while driving level of exhaustion
>She ends up being diagnosed with sleep apnea after years of this, so for at least a decade she was working like this and getting no sleep, existing as a zombie
>Add in an abusive boyfriend to the mix and you can see how my mother has lived a very hard life
Anyway, I went to college that I worked hard to pay for. My mother ended up getting a comfier job working from home, it doesn’t pay the best but she’s not struggling as much financially now that she doesn’t have al that debt anymore. Her life is fine, I guess. I have found good work working for myself, but it’s not consistent. Like I’ve made really great money especially this year, but it may not be like this every year. For now I have a lot of money in savings and good expected income for the rest of the year
With this money I have spent a lot on my mother, to even try and begin to improve her life and chip away at some sort of thank you for everything she sacrificed for me. This year I’ve bought her a new computer and a laptop, I took her on a $4k cruise, I buy a lot of her groceries, I’m going to take her on a short vacation soon that’ll be like another $1k, at the end of the year we have a concert that’s about $1k, and then I’m going to end up getting her a riding lawn mower soon that’s like $3k. So a bit over $10k let’s say on my mother this year for mostly luxuries.
I’m in a long term relationship, about to move to be with my boyfriend in his house rather than my own. We want to start planning for a family soon and saving for our future. So my main question is, am I selfish and irresponsible for spending money on my mother like this knowing I’m going to start a really serious future with my boyfriend soon?

No. 342377

We don't have insight in your financial situation, only you and your bf can judge accurately if you're spending responsibly. You should discuss this with him.

No. 342390

I agree with the other nona that we can't judge your situation accurately with the info we have, but I wanted to say that you taking care of your mom like that really warmed my heart fwiw. I'm in a similar situation with a mom who divorced my alcoholic dad to take care of me and my sister on her own, and paying her back and spoiling her is one of my bigger motivations in life so I understand the feeling.

No. 342422

A message to you and all other women in this thread, YOU CANT RAISE A GROWN ASS MAN. You cant mother him into changing, its too late, his own parents should have done that but they didnt, and now he is a useless man child. HE IS YOUR PARTNER, NOT YOUR CHILD. If he doesnt act like an adult and takes care of adult responsibilities, LEAVE. You cannot teach a grown man, nor should you even if you could.

No. 342428

I have cptsd very clingy. annoying, whatever. been with this great guy 5 years he knows how I am. guy I was with before him constantly cheated watched porn gas lighting etc. this guys never done anything besides 1 time in the first year he snuck his phone in the bathroom and I freaked out and we never talked about it again (im assuming porn but whatever) we havent had any problems since then we dont argue and he is the sweetest but today i ask him to get the laundry from upstairs I wait about 10 minutes and then go find him just standing in the middle of the room on his phone on the home screen he had no apps open but I was already freaking out internally. theres been no signs of him cheating or looking at porn or whatever but just the whole situation immediately triggered me into thinking he was doing something. we talked about it and he said he wasn't doing anything even offered for me to look at his phone (i didnt) at this point do you guys think i need to even be upset? I know mental health makes you blind to reality in these situations and 'worst' case he was looking at other girls but still i dont want to be obsessing over this one thing.. (I am getting help for my mental illness' just need outsider pov)

No. 342448

You’re writing this like you think you’re crazy so it’s hard to tell from the story if you are “just being crazy” or if he’s acting suspicious. Personally I would have looked at his phone if I were you. Was he really just staring at his Home Screen for ten minutes? What was he doing, spacing out?

No. 342451

Not sure if this will be unpopular, but even though you sound unhinged enough that you don’t sounds like you should be dating anyone, I would never tell someone to not trust their gut. You may be mentally ill but you need to try to parse through it, and ask yourself what you’re actually seeing beyond your illness, and if it’s actually setting off real instincts and why if so. From what you described, he could have just gotten distracted with his phone, and he heard you coming and didn’t want to deal with you grilling him over nothing, so it’s easier to have a blank screen than risk you freaking out for the seventeenth time today because he read a news article that had a picture of a woman on the page.

No. 342476

>Personally I would have looked at his phone if I were you.
Pointless, close one incognito tab and any trace of him watching porn is gone if he's smart enough not to download shit directly on his phone. Going through a phone with permission is useless unless said person didn't think you'd actually take him up on the offer.

No. 342492

Maybe she should come back from therapy one day and pretend to have had a “breakthrough” about porn being totes fine! Let’s watch some right now! And see how fast he pulls it up. (I’m not really suggesting this, but I’m not against mind games to find out what he’s really doing…)

No. 342493

You could find out if he is talking to someone else for starters, just to rule it out. If he is talking then he isn't doing that in the incognito mode because logging in each time can be annoying. While looking at his phone is pointless, you can see how he reacts when you unexpectedly touch his phone, to see the time or battery.
Also, if it's of any consolation, maybe he is simply embarrassed about what he is doing, maybe some stupid game or watches something you wouldn't approve. It's also not very worrying to me that it happened twice (so not something habitual)

No. 342584

Here's my situation
>26, have always lived with my mom or lived alone
>Never dealt with living with a roommate, definitely never lived with a partner
>Moving in with my boyfriend of 2+ years at the end of this year. It's his house that he owns not rents, solely in his name
>He works from home making pretty good money, I work from home making just enough money to support myself
>Ask him how he expects finances to be split, he seems confused
>Tells me he already pays the bills and the house payment, says he doesn't want money to be an issue within our relationship
>Tells me he's taking care of the money already, he makes enough to cover everything and he has plenty of savings
>Explain how I worry I wouldn't be contributing an equal amount to our relationship, since we aren't married with kids, we're just dating and I wouldn't be paying for anything
>He says I cook for him and help with the dog and the garden and that's plenty. That he contributes financially, and I contribute in other ways
>Ask what I'm supposed to do with my small amount of income I make
>He half-jokingly tells me to save it for grandkids college funds

Why am I so conflicted right now? Is this situation okay? Why do I feel so weird about moving in with a boyfriend and contributing nothing financially to our living situation together? What would you guys think/do if you were me? I've never had to deal with anything like this so I don't know what's normal, but this feels weird. I'm so confused

No. 342585

Tell him you'd like to pay X amount towards rent. This is to maintain landlord-tenant history. You don't need to tell him this, nona, but if you ever need to move out, having that documented monthly payment is important to have. Rental history is sort of like employment history… gaps in the resume raise an eyebrow (and in this case, it would increase the security deposit.)

This situation sounds nice, but he may be overestimating how much he is willing to "help". Financial imbalances in relationships can lead to resentment. No matter how nice he seems, you do not want him to eventually hold his "help" over your head.

Hope it works out nona! Wishing you the best.

No. 342587

Well that's the issue, if it were just rent that's exactly what I would do. I'd split the rent 50/50 with him. But it's his house payment that he's paying monthly to own his house
And I'd have no issue paying on the house as well, if my name were on it. It feels weird paying anything towards his house payment when my name isn't currently on the house. Plus it's a pretty expensive house, the payment is like $5k a month I'm pretty sure.

Also what you said about eventual resentment, that's my biggest fear. He says he hates money being an issue, that I'm so much more important than money, etcetc. But I doubt any man that has ever thrown that up to a woman told her ahead of time "Hey I will resent you for this years from now". It's scary to think about.
That said, I do appreciate you taking the time to give me advice and wishing me well. I don't have any friends really so I come here a lot just scared and totally on my own with things and you guys always help me so much.

No. 342612

File: 1690716690560.jpg (115.59 KB, 1200x1599, Cursed images_3c2f6c_6607173-3…)

should i try to find the girl from my date's social media in real life? we share some interests and i wanted to go out and do things to socialize. i feel like a stalker, but he has liked every insta post she put up for the past year, they follow each other on another app where she likes almost all of his posts and comments occasionally, and on fb he does not have her family added so they possibly know each other from tinder. i also have had a fake joke profile on tinder before where i put that i am 20 and seen his 30 year old ass there before i made a real profile. the app only shows the age range you select. i feel sick to my stomach, the girl is almost 10 years younger. i am scared he is a manipulative disgusting scrote and groomed her and is trying to fuck with me too. i saw her insta and fb. this girl seems sweet and have lost a family member 2 years ago. i know it is stupid making assumptions based on social media. yet when he was showing someone's message on his phone, i saw her added to his chats and the last message was a heart there. this was 3 months ago. he is away for work now and we have been messaging consistently. i think we are exclusive but i doubt moids make friends with young girls just for platonic reasons, and otherwise they share a hobby or two, so then i am wondering why the fuck are they not dating then? she is pretty and smart. is he stringing us both along? am i the retarded one? i am socially isolated so i see things differently, and i was also groomed as a pre-teen so this is triggering to me. sorry for sperging. from my experience scrotes can befriend for shared hobbies but they would only autistically discuss that, and only that & ignore you everywhere else, or become infatuated and hit on you constantly. what should i do, wiser nonnies?

No. 342613

So is wanting to contact her about the shared interests or about the scrote? If it's for the latter, why are you still with a guy who you strongly suspect is contacting a young woman for the wrong reasons? It's a bit intrusive/creepy to stalk down a girl you only know from a guy's social media imho.

No. 342614

i would just show up to the event and talk about the interests and if we chat with her then try to steer the convo to the hobbies, things that could remind her of the guy. i am paranoid about scrotes since two previous dates have drugged me with sleepers and poppers.

No. 342632

You're right, you shouldn't be paying into his mortgage. It would be weird if he wanted you to.
I do not think he will ever resent you for this, he's not actually spending more money because you're there (not a meaningful amount). The amount you increase the utilities by living there is going to be next to nothing. He would be paying the mortgage with or without you. The grocery bill is the only thing that really goes up by adding you to the home, and he sounds rich enough that he would barely notice the cost of feeding one person. I would let him pay for things if I was you, it sounds like a rare case where it doesn't affect him because he is living very comfortably. You should take this opportunity the breathe easy and better your own financial situation without having to worry about how to make ends meet. Like seriously this is so lucky! You could quit your job and get a degree, or ask him to hook you up with a higher paying job in a related field to his work if he can.
You actually like him / love him, right? Because sometimes feeling of hesitation and discomfort like this are due to not really being serious about a guy and not wanting to feel you owe him anything and get more embroiled than you have to because you know deep down he's not the one…. Hopefully that's not the case here? Do you feel like you're walking into a situation where he wants you to be a stay at home girlfriend? Does he clean his own house or are you gonna do the cleaning and the cooking?

No. 342633

Don't do any weird deceptions wtf. Be upfront and honest with her (maybe not the online stalking stuff). As soon as you see her smile and say hello and that you recognize her from your bfs social media. Then have a normal conversation with her. She's a woman, you can be honest you've been burned before and you get scared he could deceive you like the others. Then you could ask her for reassurance he's not like that, that he's not two-timing you both. Always make sure to say you're just being very careful with your heart. Do not act suspicious of her or aggressive towards her, if anything is going on it's most likely his fault and she might not even know you're dating him.

No. 342636

Do as he says, save your money. Thats your security if things dont work out. He is actually looking out for your wellbeing, which is rare for moids.

No. 342665

If you know that in a worst case scenario middle of the night fight with him kicking you out saying its his house.. that you have somewhere to go right away (like your moms) and that you're not stuck hours away from a fallback option like that then I'd take the offer of free rent for now and treat this as a trial period. Because its really early days rn if its your first time even living together. You learn alot about someone in the first while of fully living together. Even if you're already in the habit of staying over alot or you've been on holidays together.. living together is getting a feel for how you two will work. One step at a time. You can address longer term plans with the mortgage later when the time comes. Signing up for too much too soon can be a hell of a costly headache if shit doesn't go as planned. I wouldn't want to be on a mortgage with someone if I hadn't already had a good run of living together beforehand. You're not just protected by your name being on there. You're liable.

Put money aside in your own personal account. Not for grandkids (you both need to slow down lol) but for yourself as your 'in case we don't work out' fund. For now its a good deal because it gives you a good buffer of savings if living together reveals any cracks.

No. 342698

I do really love him, and I look forward to a future with him. I think about our serious future together every day, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I just grew up poor, like really poor, so the financial situation I’m in now is fantastic for me even though it’s like very average to everyone else. So that’s where this comes from, having insecurity about my finances, knowing what it’s like for someone to hold money over you
And like, this is the only man who has ever been good to me. Like actually, genuinely good to me in every way. So I have a hard time accepting that it doesn’t come with s catch I guess
Thank you both, I always have my mom to go back to. Her and I are very close, but I’ll be moving a state away from her by moving in with him so I’ve just been overthinking every little thing

You all have made me think about this in a more positive but still realistic way. It’s not like this has to be permanent, if something goes bad and he starts trying to manipulate me financially I should have my own fallback savings just to be safe. And if I’m helping out around the house, with his plants, his dog, cooking, cleaning alongside him, then I shouldn’t feel bad about not paying bills he would be paying anyway. I sincerely appreciate all of the help and reassurance

No. 342717

File: 1690787698439.jpeg (42.6 KB, 640x480, IMG_1279.jpeg)

I met this amazing guy while travelling, we have very similar tastes and interests, we work in the same industry, he thinks I’m beautiful and interesting, he has a third leg and he lives in a country I’ve always wanted to move to. But there would be a lot of hurdles if we were to pursue each other. Long distance would be almost impossible, so one of us would have to move, the only problem is I live in a boring backwater and he lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I’m worried the only reason I want him is because he wanted me first and deep down I’m scared I’ll never find someone else like him or better, and it’s safer to settle down now than keep looking and risk being “left on the shelf”. How do I keep myself grounded while trying to work out my feelings for him?

No. 342718

My opinion is to listen to him, let him pay the house and bills and take care of your personal stuff (phone, whatever) and DON’T let him hold it over your head in a fight. Start an emergency fund savings account.

No. 342721

i wouldn't trust the guy to be the same as when he isn't travelling. heavily consider how much you would want to live in the expensive city, far away from your friends and family. how long did you spend together? everyone can be cool, friendly, interesting and easygoing when they are on holiday. they have no worries at that time, no obligations, and many moids use vacations as sex tourism, trying to sleep with as many women as they can and playing macho and faking themselves. would he already be committed enough to help you find an affordable place and recommend you at a job? how much have you talked about serious things?

No. 342729

Something about this is setting off alarm bells in my head. You don't have enough to go off to move to an expensive city in another country. Tell him he can come visit you if you both want to explore this relationship, then go from there. If he doesn't come see you, there's your answer. Nice vacation memory nothing more.

No. 342744

You can't move to a different country for a guy you've only just met on vacation anon, if that's what you meant by not being able to do long distance.

No. 342800

I'm engaged to a guy I've been with for 5 years. We have a pretty toxic relationship at times where we fight a lot, mainly due to him having anger issues and flying off the handle over little things and taking it out on me. Over the years, I've gotten tired of this and I've started getting irate when he takes his anger out on me. I have to admit I've added fuel to the fire by yelling at him. The other night, he got angry over something our neighbor did and started telling me I had to deal with him next time and that I never have his back about things and that it's my responsibility to deal with this "bullshit," all because I sat quietly in our bedroom and tried to just let him rant it out. I didn't want to get involved and make him more mad by telling him he was overreacting. So I got up and started yelling at him because I was livid, asking him what the fuck I did to deserve to be berated over something I didn't even do, I was just sitting there, he was nuts, etc. etc. He started turning up the TV to drown me out. I turned the TV off as I was standing next to it. He then got up, yelled at me to leave him alone, and physically pushed me back into the open threshold of the bedroom. He didn't hurt me, but he did use his entire body weight to move me and attempted to close the door onto my body when I resisted moving. This is when things spiraled and it ended with me staying at my coworker's house over the weekend.

He seems to think that it isn't that big of a deal. Am I crazy here? Isn't it really fucked up to literally push somebody you're in a relationship with?

No. 342802

You're clearly aware that you're in a toxic relationship, and everyone else here would agree. Make a plan to leave, and get out as soon as possible.

No. 342806

Shoving is often considered domestic violence and it's a strong indicator that he will escalate. Right now, it's shoving, but soon it very well may escalate to something more aggressive and you need to get the fuck out of dodge before it gets to that point. What are you waiting for? He's shown you he's willing to get physical and then play it off like it's no big deal. If you let this go, you'll just be showing him he can get away with it.

No. 342808

I was shoved once many years ago and landed on my tailbone and it causes me major pain to this day. Fuck that guy. He hates you.

No. 342821

Wake up and break up, like other anon says, he hates you, he just thinks its worse to break it off.

No. 342831

Realistically, can it work between people whose background/family are totally different?

His background family is wealthy, normal, not dysfunctional
Mine is the opposite.
We're fine, my mother and some of the siblings really love him and think he's great but then I hear shit and drama that happened in the past with my family that I never heard of until I reached my mid 20s and it sucks lol.

No. 342834

are you sure they're totally "normal"? I thought my husband's family was normal but turns out they're also dysfunctional. people like to hide their family weirdness.
I think you shouldn't be so self conscious about it. If you can both meet eachother's parents then both your families and you two are functional enough for the relationship to work.

No. 342854

Nonnies, my boyfriend and I are deciding on an extended break to better ourselves. He's had a big issue with letting fear stop him doing a lot of things, including wanting to propose to me because he felt he wasn't ready. He's been too hesitant to propose to me for half a year. Would it be farfetched to suggest to him to actually propose to me and I take it as a sign he's able to overcome his fears and we can fall back on the idea of us going on a long break and instead us giving ourselves more distance?

No. 342856

If he is uncertain about proposing it means he doesnt want to get married to you. Cut your losses, he is going to string you along for years until he finds someone to replace you with.

No. 342861

Nonnies how do I get a boyfriend? I always have to make the first move on guys and I still get no action, help. I am also a sperg so any sperg specific advice would be appreciated.

No. 342863

I think different culture or religion are more likely dealbreakers than difference in wealth, but I don't have personal experience with dating someone significantly more wealthy than myself so take with a grain of salt.

No. 342877

How does taking a break and proposing make sense together in your head? A proposal is the promise of getting married and staying together forever. A break is basically just giving a scrote the hallpass to cheat on you and you can't say anything about it because you were "on a break" srsly why does anyone do this? It sounds to me like he doesnt want to commit to you at all and is looking for excuses to fuck other people.

No. 342896

Nonnies, I don't know if this is exactly the right thread but I don't know how to assert myself in disagreements.
I have a tendency to completely shut down and just cry which my current and previous boyfriend have accused of being manipulative behavior. I genuinely do not feel like I have control over this though. It feels like pulling teeth when I try to talk during times like this. I don't know if it's autism or some other latent mento illness.
Does this sound relatable to anyone? Is there any way that I can overcome this?

No. 342918

Going on a break means it's already over.

No. 342923

I can understand why this could seem like manipulative behavior to some people, but you know it isn't like that and I don't think you necessarily have to change or fix this. I'm assuming that this happens in arguments where one or both parties are angry or emotional. It's important that you assert yourself and talk about what you want and think when there's a disagreement, but nothing says you have to assert yourself right there and then during the emotional argument. Maybe it would work better for you to just let the crying phase happen but then make a mental note to write down what your opinions and thoughts on the matter really are at a later moment when you're not stuck in that feeling anymore. That can also make it much easier to then have an open discussion with your bf about any disagreement you had without feeling frustrated or misrepresented.
Basically if the argument gets to the point where you feel overwhelmed like that, it's not the best time to have a useful discussion anyway, even if you'd learn to suppress the crying.

No. 342930

>you know it isn't like that and I don't think you necessarily have to change or fix this.
Of course she does, breaking down during an argument unable to respond and just crying is not normal ornhealthy for herself, what her bfs think of it doesn't even matter that much.

No. 342931

What kind of arguments are you having? Does this only happen with boyfriends or also happen at work and in casual social settings if there’s a disagreement? Because it could be totally reasonable depending on what kind of arguments you’re having, for all we know your boyfriends are mean and manipulative and you should be crying. If this is a general life struggle then maybe you need to work on it, but you’d have to give more info for me to have an opinion on it.

No. 342932

Also just an easy rule of thumb: if you’re crying in a relationship enough for it to be a problem then the best course of action is finding a guy who doesn’t make you cry.

No. 342971

>my current and previous boyfriend have accused of being manipulative behavior
I've seen many other instances of men calling their girlfriends manipulative for crying during arguments - the fact that his first thought upon seeing you cry is that you must be faking it to make him feel bad is weird and potentially a red flag. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to overcome the issue since it will be healthier for you if you're able to generally feel more confident/assert yourself in confrontation, but it's possible that your boyfriend is contributing to that problem.

No. 342972

I am going to be meaner than the other anons. It is manipulative and immature to not say anything or to just cry automatically during an argument. You are essentially shutting down all conversation and any hope that the issue being discussed can be resolved or compromised. I dated someone who did this or he'd just sit silently. He was later diagnosed with NPD. I'm not saying you have NPD but it's a behavior people with personality disorders use to shut down discussion. You seem like a sweet person so I believe it's something you will be able to slowly work on if it's truly happening the way you say. I just wanted to let you know that it is not really okay. Of course context counts and I have no idea what your bfs were like and if there's any truth to what they said. If it happens no matter who you are arguing with you need to fix that shit. Either that or your exes are the manipulators.

No. 343013

My boyfriend let me drive drunk 2 years ago. We broke up over it for a few months and got back together. He literally dropped me off by my car and drove away. I did show up to the date already drunk. But still. He said he tried to get me a ride home and offered to ride me home but I refused. He's always treated me well after all this. But it still nags me that he left me in a dangerous situation and didn't stop it.

What should I do?

No. 343017

too much to unpack. I'm surprised he kept going out with you. also I wouldn't trust him if I was you. you're both in the wrong place at the wrong time I'm surprised you're together.

No. 343023

We were living a few hours apart at the time.
>we both agree to meet up at a hotel and hang out for the night
>i have a few drinks because I'm socially awkward and drinking helps
>drink too much
>show up to date piss drunk
>he notices. We talk. I don't remember anything. I think I said "so its over?" and cried
>next thing I know. I watch him drive away while standing by my car
>get in car drunk and drive to a Walmart where I fall asleep
>one month of soul crushing depression later, we get back together after he messages me about some bad things that happened to him
It's been a pretty good relationship since then. But I still have trouble getting over that. How could you leave someone like that alone when they could have got themselves killed or killed someone else? He left me RIGHT by my car too

No. 343025

I don't really understand why you forgave him for doing that. I understand feeling ashamed you showed up drunk (hopefully you don't do that anymore) but that doesn't control how he reacted, he should have left you at the hotel around other people not at your car. Basic decent person stuff. Clearly you're not perfect but you can still look for someone who knows normal drunk-wrangling etiquette.

No. 343028

To tell you the truth i dont know. I was just happy to see him again. It was 2 years ago. I feel conflicted. I love him but I feel like he basically left me to die. I want to believe he wouldn't do anything like that again.

Is this something that's just unforgivable? Sometimes I wonder whether he really loves me at all.

No. 343038

nta but have you talked to him about this? If i met up with someone for the first time and they were fucked up, i'd make sure they were at their car and had their phone and wallet because that being decent and isn't stranding someone imo, but i wouldn't stick around. Tbh would have left you and called the police if i were worried about you driving so you're both dummies.

No. 343040

It was after we had been dating long distance for a few months. No I haven't talked to him about it. I don't know what to say. "Hey I can't believe you left me in danger?" You should never leave a friend drunk. I don't know if I can count on him

No. 343052

That is way different- i'm sorry you did write that and i totally glossed over it. You're right to feel wounded and I would question things too. I do think if you showed up black-out, he was right to throw his hands up and exit. You were long distance, and you show up shitfaced. That was messy and dangerous of YOU. I think you need to decide whether or not you want to take the step to clear the air, and if you're prepared to let him go if it doesn't get addressed in the way you need. It also concerns me that he got back with you to have a girlfriend therapist, not to check on you. Are you still drinking to that point? Do you shoulder a lot of emotional stuff for him? I'm sorry but I would exit as well if I were him, and maybe I'm a jerk but you put other people in danger and you seem drunk now getting emotional about his actions instead of how badly you fucked up.

No. 343053

I’m having a bit of an internal dilemma right now . I have a boyfriend of 5 years and our lives are very enmeshed- own a house together, run a business together.

Before I got together with him I had ‘realised’ was only interested in women (after being with both men and women) , since being with him I do have thoughts like that occasionally but it goes away pretty quick and I’ve been happy with the relationship in general.

But lately all I can seem to think about is how I can not possibly imagine living the rest of my life with a man - I always just imagine myself ending up with a woman - and noticing more things about his maleness that just puts me off. It has definitely coincided with me learning more about feminism/ changing how I view myself. Also, we very rarely have sex because I basically never am in the mood for it the past couple of years.

I feel like logically this means that I should end it but it seems insane to me to break up when nothing has really changed with our relationship , rather just because he’s a man, when he has been the whole time. And I would definitely come off worse after the breakup money / lifestyle wise.

No. 343058

I think you should talk to him about it before you jump to any conclusions, get his perspective, maybe he didn't know how to handle a shitfaced person who's refusing help or w/e. Not defending him but maybe he has a reasonable explanation that could surprise you.

No. 343061

No. I've long since got clean

No. 343067

I don't know what the answer is for you but I had a friend who stranded me in a city we were visiting together because I got too drunk and I never got over it. never could trust her after that and the friendship fell apart. I never even yelled at her for doing that I was very apologetic for upsetting her.
if you care about him you could have a conversation about it just to find out what he was thinking when he did that or if there's some context you're missing since you were drunk and don't remember everything.
I agree with >>343052
>It also concerns me that he got back with you to have a girlfriend therapist, not to check on you.
that's concerning. he didn't even message you to ask if you got home safe? yeesh

No. 343075

I messaged him the next day briefly and that was all we spoke for over a month. He did ask how i was doing the next time we spoke

No. 343079

Well I hope you're able to talk to him about it and get some light shed on the situation and explain to him why this is nagging at you (if that's something you want). I also advise you to be honest with yourself and if you can't forgive him deep down then consider ending the relationship because it's not healthy to stay with someone you can't trust. Sounds like you're in a different place in your life and it's normal to raise your standards for the type of people you will be intimate with and trust.

No. 343104

People say that when your partner knows you won't leave them, it can cause them to treat you badly and take you for granted. How does that work in marriage? You pretty much promise each other you won't leave unless something really bad happens, then what motivates people to treat each other well?

No. 343106

>then what motivates people to treat each other well?
mutual love, respect, maintaining a peaceful stress-free household and in general being a decent person.

No. 343124

Not being a piece of shit person that views others as tools, being secure in yourself, having respect for your partner

So really vetting hard and hoping you havent found someone playing the long game. Never ever chase a man, dont convince a man to marry you, only marry a man who takes courting you seriosly, marry a man that isnt using you as a placeholder sex maid

No. 343211

A little late but doesn't manipulation tend to imply it's conscious and voluntary? It's more difficult to change something physiological like a crying stress response. Though it can pose an issue, which makes sense.

No. 343212

Saw an article about 7 Chinese women who bought a house and now all live together and some of the straight women in this thread could really benefit from something like that. Literally devote yourself to friends, finding happiness, even devote yourself to Jesus Christ or something stupid other than a moid with zero empathy.

No. 343535

I need to know if I am in the wrong here. Bf is adhd. Constantly forgets things. Regularly takes forever to complete a task. He has gotten a little better over the years. But I basically manage 85 or 90% of things household related. Please, dont tell me to leave or stop or do whatever about it. Not what I am asking advice on. Anyway. We have big discussion about bills and house stuff. I alone handle pay8ng bills and budgeting our income. We are broke and I re did our budget very recently to really slim things down where possible. We agree to keep the back room door shut (almost completely, cat can move in and out) and blinds closed during the hours of noonish to 7:30pm back there because we are a corner house and the sun really, really heats up that room. This helps trap the heat back there where no one is during the day instead of it spreading to the rest of the house, as our a/c is struggling as is. Its very, very, very hot here. Yesterday, I close blinds and prop door mostly shut by sticking a shoe in the door. I walk by and the blinds are fully drawn and the door propped open. Its 110 outside and the a/c is 2 degrees higher than it is set. And it is set to be 75. I fix it. I approach bf and ask hey can we make sure to keep that area shut and blinds drawn during the day? He gets upset and says he is moving things back and forth. In my mind I dont understand why the blinds are drawn in order to move things…but I guess I can see why the door was propped all the way open for that…however it is easy to push the door open and nearly closed again as the shoe isnt preventing opening, but closing….I say okay, just remember we agreed to keep it all shut til around 7:30pm. thinking he did forget our new agreement and just sorta made something up to not feel bad? He blows up on me. Accuses me of thinking he is incapable of things and that I am a micromanager and control freak. I say wtf all I did was remind you of the thing we both agreed to? He wants to talk next day about it but we are done for today. Next day comes. He says I dont trust him, I judge him, I think he will fail, I have no faith in him, I breathe down his neck, micromanage, treat him like a child, and I had no right to remind him of the agreement. I say that I said no such things, thought no such things aside from the fact that he does tend to forget a lot of things and just restated the (new as of a couple days ago) agreement we both committed to, nuetrally. I never took any tone nor insulted him. In his mind, by explaining that he was moving things (which he was not currently doing at the moment we crossed paths so how could I know) I should have NOT reminded him of our back room heat mitigation agreement. Wtf? This is crazy, right? Or should I not remind him despite a track record of forgetfullness?

No. 343543

File: 1691364940088.jpeg (1.16 MB, 4032x1857, IMG_4498.jpeg)

>at bbq with bf and his friends
>be cordial, warm and pleasant to them
>his mates drink and take Ketamine every day
>ask bf not to drink and drive me home
>he has two DUI car crashes from years past
>confiscate the beer his friend gave him
>his friend kicks me out of the bbq over this
>they tell him i’m an abusive whore and give him an ultimatum

His friends have clearly been looking for a reason to drop him and are using me as a scapegoat for the demise of their friendships.

I feel this is too cruel to suggest to him even though it’s clearly the reality. I’ve met them twice got along with them fine and been nothing but nice to them.

They’re now ghosting him and manipulating him to believe it’s me that’s the issue. They gave him an ultimatum knowing he’d never give me up, it’s pretty calculated.

No. 343671


No. 343672

You never stated what you wanted out of this post..

No. 343676

Just by reading this, I'm very mad at them, lmao. Why the fuck are they mad at you joining them? They're literally jealous of you for taking up your bfs time and attention, are they single themselves? That's not healthy on their part.

No. 343679


He called him and he just started lambasting me, calling me an abuser, claiming I was hitting him (he has bruises from hickeys), that I talk too highly of myself, that I’m too present in their server, that he doesn’t see them on the weekends now, etc.

I’ve never met a man who doesn’t like me, it’s an anomaly

Idk it has a very weird possessive energy and it’s really tearing him up inside and stressing him out. I feel bad for him

No. 343719

Quit camming soon, it’s disgusting and degenerate.

No. 343729

I said this in the vent thread and I'll say it again here. Why do you need to babysit your boyfriend in something he should have known already? If he needs you to take care of his responsibilities that's a bad sign.

>I’ve never met a man who doesn’t like me, it’s an anomaly

I have no idea what to tell you, not everyone is going to like you, but it's your boyfriend responsibility to be the bridge to his friends, it's in his interest to make both groups get along. You shouldn't be the one seeing this insulting message from his friends and trying to find a solution.

No. 343736

What makes you think he’s telling the truth? I’m a nurse for fucks sake

No. 343740

>I’ve never met a man who doesn’t like me
This sentence alone makes me side with his mates tbh

No. 343741

I’m in a long distance relationship. For my first birthday (we had already met up twice) he told me the night before “I’m going to order your
Birthday present” it was a 10 dollar plushie. No card, nothing else, no cake, that was it. He is 29 with a good job btw. I genuinely cried I was so hurt. That was months ago. We did a parcel exchange. A month before the exchange I tell him “I’m seriously craving peach sour patch kids so badly but they don’t sell them in my country. Please get me some!” He tells me after he sent the box he checked two or three stores and couldn’t find any so didn’t get any. All I can think is “if he asked me to get those for him I’d have ordered them online if I couldn’t get them, I’d absolutely make sure I got those to him.” Is it too crazy for me to tell him I’m really upset about this? Am I over reacting? It’s not about the candy but just how differnt he sees this stuff from me. It makes me feel really empty inside

No. 343742

Well I’ve met plenty of women who don’t like me, not for the reason you think, so whatever

It just gives possessive faggot vibes

No. 343743

He's showing you how little he cares, you should believe him. And you should especially not be bothering with a LDR, what a waste of your time and energy.

No. 343744

We are both originally from the same country and will both be moving back this year (this was both of our plans before ever speaking to each other) it’s the only reason I’m entertaining him. We’ll be living about 30 minutes apart from each other come October (again, was always both our plans before meeting and it just worked out this way) the problem is he is flying over from america next week to help with my move. I am considering dumping him pretty much the day he goes home. I don’t know if it’s worth talking to him about this in person and giving him a last chance or talking to him now and telling him this trip is his last chance or what

No. 343746

NTA, show him the same consideration he shows you… none. Don't bother softening any blows for him. The convenience of you two being from the same country and having the same plans doesn't matter at all if he's already phoning it in now. Just think, this is the time he's supposed to be winning you over and look at how badly he's failing at it. He'll only get worse later. This guy deserves no second chances.

No. 343748

I’ve already started matching his energy. I don’t do anything for him at all, I don’t get him gifts, I don’t do anything special anymore. He doesn’t seem to mind, but it obvious he just doesn’t care about this type of stuff. He does spend a decent amount of money on me in the form of trips and paying certain bills, I’d say he’s spent about 5k on me so far in our year or so of long distance. But it’s the non financial smaller things that it just feels like I’m always having to tell myself “well it’s bc we’re ldr, he’ll be better in person”

He told me today “oh it’s our one year anniversary soon” I said “I’m excited to see what you plan for us” and he just goes ahead and tells me what he’s thinking of doing in several months after he’s moved back, which is taking us to a luxury resort for a weekend.
He doesn’t seem like to care about doing anything specifically for me only or taking me on a date when he visits next week. I feel like I speak a differnt language to him

No. 343764

expect more actions from him than his words. if he's inconsistent in his actions, it speaks thousands of more words than he could ever explain and plan and promise. do let him know that a sacrifice means he will be inconvenienced, so if he wants to really show you how much he cares, he should get out of his comfort zone.

No. 343765

Oh I believe you! You seem like an arrogant, inpatient pickme. That’s what you’re “giving” kek

No. 343767

After reading these two I was like HES CHEATING LEAVE HIM but after reading >>343748 my mind is changed. He’s just not a sentimental person and particular days are just any other days for him is what I’m thinking.

No. 343768

It's common for your bfs female friends to dislike you, imo. My exs female friend had a tantrum when i broke up with him and spread several rumors, talked negatively about me, etc. while telling him he could still have me if he tried so he stalked me for months.

No. 343770

Anon was talking about her bf’s dude friends not liking her though kek. But what you’re saying isn’t my experience at all. If a guys female friends dislike you it’s most likely because they want to fuck your bf and are jealous of you. If a dudes guy friends don’t like you it’s because you’re annoying af and not hot enough to make up for how awful you are to be around - OR the dude in question is a piece of shit and his friends don’t like you being around cause they don’t feel comfortable being their true shitty misogynistic selves.

No. 343774

I'm not physically attracted or aroused by my bf and it has deteriorated our relationship because we don't have sex anymore and I don't know what to do because now I force myself to sexually please him so he isn't sad anymore and I'm fucking exhausted from all of this
He knows I'm forcing myself and he hates that, like genuinely hate it so much so that he hates himself for doing that to me but I don't know what else to do because it's either that or he's depressed because we don't have sex
I don't wanna leave him because we are perfect for each other mentally because I'm not physically interested in me (whereas he has completely fallen for me)

No. 343775

No advice here, but I am in the same boat. I hate it. For me, if my bf would take care of his body some (workout) then I think I would be attracted to him that way again. Weve been together a long time, his sedentary life is taking a toll. His buttchecks hang like curtains and he looks like he is wearong a water filled flesh suit. I feel awful for saying this, and thinking it. But its affected my attraction a lot. He looks…unhealthy. I have gained some weight too but at least over the years I have asked him every time 'wanna go to the gym with me?' And its always no… i try to keep at least a miniscule amount of physical activity a priority, I wish he would do the same. My plan is if he ever asks why we dont have sex, maybe I will ask him to gym with me n see if it changes? We are perfect for each other and I feel awful that I just cant be attracted to him that way.

No. 343778

If you insist on staying with a guy you're physically repulsed by you either shut up and stop complaining because you're actively choosing this or you get him to excersise so he becomes fit so at least his body will be attractive to you. Take your pick.

No. 343779

I actually agree 100% with you, it's just hard and I was hoping some girl had experienced this and managed to save the relationship and would have some advice to give, really didn't mean to be nuisance sorry

May I ask you how old you are ? Plus do you think there's a chance he's depressed ? Finally : if he doesn't want to go to the gym, maybe try inviting him biking ? (On a bicycle of course) maybe this could help with his butt

No. 343786

My boyfriend and I of 5 years started living separately after a series of fights. He began living with his parents, and I stayed in the apartment.

We recently reconnected and trying to work on things again. It had been about two weeks of us working back on how things used to be.

Here is the problem:
I was on the phone with him the other day asking when we can see each other again. He said due to his job, maybe not until after the summer.

This weekend he messaged me saying he was out for a day vacation with his family. ( I was upset, because I wanted to see him and I thought he was working.

We facetimed later that night and we didn't get too long into the call before his mom walked into the room. Immediately he says "I'm on the phone with her". The conversation goes his mom: "Again, I don't think she really loves you. If she really loved you then she would offer to drive up here to see you." While she was talking my boyfriend just repeats "I'm on the phone with her".

I just say "Hey I'm going to bed. Good night" and hang up.

The next day I tried to talk to him to get some answers but to be honest they don't make sense. My gut feeling is telling me that something isn't right.

I asked him how long have they been shit talking me? He said he "makes them hold their tongue"
What brought this on? He said that they have been seeing how stressed he has been and only wants the best for him. She didn't know that I didn't know about his days off.
I asked him what about the weekend? He said he had those days off but was planning on "surprising me" by coming down to visit on Monday and Tuesday.

He then says I should talk to them if I want answers. Then says that they have a right to feel however they feel and I shouldn't invalidate their feelings.

I'm upset because … he didn't stand up for me. He basically is still making me deal with this on my own.
To me, it doesn't make sense to reach out to them. They're not my family. If they want to shit talk me, then it just shows their true character.

This morning I texted him "To me it just seems like they're really speaking their mind on how they feel about me. I'm just really hurt and trying to work through it.

He responds "All right, work through it then, i'll be here to support you. have a good day."

His responses.. just seem devoid of emotion. I don't know if i'm just nitpicking at his responses or what. I just wanted more support. I guess? I don't know. Am i in the wrong?

No. 343787

>maybe this could help with his butt
Kek he actually got a bike semi recent-ish to bike with me! Actually getting him to do it is another story lol. But, its dangerous hot here right now and we cant really go outside much. I do actually have hope that he will go in the fall with me as he seems genuinely interested. I am almost 30, he is 33. So things are starting to catch up to both of us, especially if we dont put real effort into health. And yeah, depression is a thing right now for us both. I have been pretty chronically depressed my whole life so it feels like background noise to me. For him, it is sort of new. We cant go outside much and we both thrive in sunlight so seasonal depression has got us both. He used to be very very obese as a young adult, like 18 to 20ish but lost a lot of weight and worked out a lot. But he quit, and that was a decade ago, and I think he still thinks that is how he is kek. Still obese technically now, and I am overweight bmi 26.3ish, but he isnt huge huge like he was back then, so I think in his mind as long as he isnt as bad as he was, he is good. I think he also believes that by being a man he is strong, and because he worked out regularly 10plus years ago, he is still that strong kek. Idk. I still am attracted to his personality and most of his traits, but the lack of self care is off putting. I dont find other guys attractive either so it isnt like I am going to cheat or have any desire to do so. I think this is just something normal for people in committed relationships to go thru as they age (not that we are old but early 20s and early 30s are vastly different) and we gotta work it out somehow.

No. 343788

Just from what you wrote here it sounds like you broke guys up and don't realize it yet.
>My gut feeling is telling me that something isn't right.
Your gut is right. You don't like eachother anymore.

No. 343789

lol, dyslexia moment. I meant to write sounds like you guys broke up*

No. 343824

Nta but after I read that first sentence I thought immediately that you’re doing too much. Just break up with him instead of being in a relationship where you dish out pettiness to a shitty scrote. You’re wasting your time here.

No. 343843

I’m going to speak to him about it and lay everything out. Someone else said it might be a case of mismatched love language. I need him to help me with my move anyway so I can’t dump him right now. If on his visit I don’t see change I’ll end it on the last day of the visit

No. 343857

Word of advice, run like crazy from the entire situation. When a man's friends get possessive over him, any romantic chemistry from here on out is over. He will always be their little pet, and you the evil bad guy trapping him in a metaphorical cage. You need to take your self dignity and refuse to participate in any more of this strange homosocial bullshit.

And you two are siding with a gaggle of sperm factories because?

This should be the answer to every relationship problem on here. Nonas, you deserve better than this assorted male bullshit.

No. 343867

So I have this gross desperation and obsession with being liked by the person I’m currently romantically or sexually involved with. Most times I don’t even like them, if I stop for a second and think about the future, do I really want to have a serious relationship with them? No. They are usually boring, annoying or have many traits that I very much despise. But still, I always become so obsessed. The less attention they give me, the more NEED I them to like me!

It’s worse now that I’m aware of this issue, because before I used to think I actually belonged with those people and we should be together. Now that I know it’s just some traumatized part of my brain that’s desperate to gain attention from people who don’t really like me I feel even shittier because now I’m guilty for wasting my time, energy and even money on someone or a relationship that won’t lead to anything productive at all, and will only bring pain in the end. The amount of times I’ve humiliated myself for these people is infuriating, I feel so fucking angry at myself for letting this happen.

I am currently obsessed with and fucking a sperg who has absolutely zero charisma, has never genuinely been able to hold an entertaining conversation with me or anyone else, doesn’t seem to know literally anything apart from his 2 special interests, is very distant and hasn’t opened himself to the point that I can’t tell if I just don’t know him well yet or he is actually bland and lame like that at all times. He is super tall, semi attractive and dresses really well, so I hold on to these things and just keep fantasizing about our cute aesthetic as a couple. I know that I don’t like nor want him, but because he is so distant and doesn’t really seem to be interested anymore, all I think about is him. I cyber stalk him obsessively for hours on end and keep repeating stupid affirmations like “he’s blindly in love with me” and stuff all day. Like I just want to be free, truly I want to get out of this, but I know that two months from now someone new will come along and they will be as avoidant and I will be as desperate. How do I change this? Like truly, I just want to be free.

No. 343871

Change your routines in a lot of different ways to allow yourself chances to focus on other things. Whenever you feel the urge to focus on these stupid men do something else. Get sucked into a tv show, read something, do an exercise, go outside, or literally anything else. If you really want affection that badly then be around animals or pets. All this time and effort you spend entertaining men who don't like you could be spent volunteering, or having a small job to earn a bit of extra money. These men don't see you as anything more than a hole to fuck, so why put them on a pedestal?

No. 343911

Do it if you trust in your partner honestly or if the topic comes out in the conversation.
My partner knows a lot about it, we started being the honest to each other since the beginning, idk if it was a good idea but made our bond stronger. Most of my previous sexual experience was bad and most of it comes from manipulation to those ppl I was dating before him at that time.
In my personal case, I thought that maybe was a good idea telling to someone I trust about the ex that can do a revenge porn me in any moment (but it's been 4 years now and everything it going fine for now)

No. 343917

How come I get butterflies in my stomach when my nigel is being insecure?
We're in a loving stable relationship but sometimes he feels bad about something he said, and he'll mention feeling guilty and worries that he's not being a good enough bf to me.
Now, when this happens it's usually something extremely minor that isn't an issue to me and that maybe I didn't even really notice, or at least brushed off easily with no hard feelings. I always reassure him that we're good and there's no need to worry, but for some reason when he's being like that my body instantly reacts by giving me butterflies and even turning me on. I feel like some sort of monster about this because it's always moments where he's actively feeling bad and I have no fucking idea why this causes such a visceral wave of attraction when rationally of course I want him to feel better about himself. My mind says no but my pussy says yes. Is this an issue? Wtf does this mean??

No. 343918

Because it subconciously makes you feel better about yourself and/or more secure because an insecure man is less likely to leave you.

No. 343934

because you're dominant and you get off to moid vulnerability (based)

No. 343937

Nothing wrong with that, it means he knows his place. Trust me, you don't want a moid who is too comfortable.

No. 343950

Because you are incredibly based like >>343934 said here. Honestly, I don't know why its not socially acceptable for women to find insecure/emotionally vulnerable men hot. I feel like I'd get guilt tripped to high hell if if admitted this preference too by moralfags calling me "creepy" or "a literal abuser".

No. 343952

aside from being based maybe your subconscious enjoys that he's emotionally intelligent, self-aware and empathetic enough to realize on his own that he might've done something wrong, that in itself is incredibly attractive and rare in moids.

No. 343985

Idk if anyone cares but I'll post an update:

So I messaged him a long message summarizing my feelings and everything I said here. He called me and we talked about it. He explained that when it came to the candy he said he didn't realise the specific type of candy was that important, just that he showed effort in trying to get it and was able to send me some type of candy. He video called me from the store and asked me to pick what flavors I wanted when he was getting them. I told him by him calling me to do that instead of just following through and getting the specific one I asked for its almost defeating the point of me asking him in the first place. He says he understands now that when I ask these things of him even if the thing asked is insignificant, that it is important to me it is followed through with to the end. About the birthday stuff, he says no one in his family does cards or much for anyones birthday so it never occurred to him to do these things and he would never expect or really want me to do things for his birthday either, but he will do better next time. He says for him physical items are next to meaningless, he isn't a material person and that's where the disconnect came from. I'm satisfied with this personally and am willing to see if he improves

No. 344006

You sound like an entitled bitch honestly, that guy will leave you sooner or later

No. 344016

Good tbh literally no woman needs any male. If a bag of candy is enough to get him so upset he leaves because the task was too overwhelming I'd be glad to be rid of him

No. 344024

I love him but I don't love myself. I jumped into it too fast, I'm very happy to have him in my life and he has made me inspired to become a better person but I feel so insecure I start projecting. Thinking I'm not good enough for him and he deserves better and bla blah. And maybe he does, I'm not breaking up with him but I feel like crying all the time because I just never feel good enough. I don't know what to do.

No. 344091

Does anyone else have a partner that cannot take criticism? I’m getting to the end of my rope. Nothing is his fault, if it is his fault then there was another circumstance and he deserves understanding. He gets emotional, shifts the convo to things I never said (“you need to do this instead of that” is met with “I’m not the bad guy!”) or that we weren’t talking about, and he seems to feel personally attacked if I say I disagree with him and don’t fold. His parents are nuts so he did grow up with people that put him on the defensive and didn’t model conflict resolution, but the lack of accountability drives me insane even if it’s a defense mechanism. I’ve talked to him about it and he’s agreed he does blame shift and he needs to not but it’s a slow process. Can therapy help him with this?

No. 344098

lmao you are retarded

No. 344099


No. 344177

Yes but he has to be willing to work on it.

No. 344221

File: 1691792587508.jpg (72.43 KB, 301x340, angry-puppy-1.jpg)

I hate my dumbass boyfriend so much. He wants to break up with me because we don't fight enough. We're a pretty harmonious pair and living together has been great in my eyes. However, last night he told me that he's unsure about our relationship because I'm not as feisty as other women he's dated. He says he feels passion from fighting and I just can't make that make sense. He misses having wild make up sex like he did with his exes.
We go on multiple dates a week, we have sex, but that just isn't enough for him. I don't know if he's just looking for an excuse to break up or if some men just love to chase tumultuous relationships on purpose and get bored of those that are conflict-free. This is just perplexing to me.

No. 344225

So my boyfriend started going to the range to shoot every time we have a fight and it worries me. I feel like he is imagining shooting me. Is that just a normal guy thing to do to get anger out or a huge red flag? We live in a redneck conservative state so shooting guns is kind of normal here but he only ever goes when he is mad at me because he did something dumb and it made me sad.

No. 344232

File: 1691800245654.jpg (246.7 KB, 897x879, 1684943438370.jpg)

the advice thread is locked and no one's made a new one so im posting this here sorry how do i stop thinking about an ex-friend? we had a pretty dramatic falling-out, and i still have so many things i want to say to them. im still angry and replaying everything that happened in my head. i just keep hate-reading their social medias, and it doesnt help that they post about me a lot so i have an incentive to check what they're saying about me.

No. 344235

Block all her socials. Delete her number. You know it's the only way, reply when you've done it.

No. 344239

i did it

No. 344242

Yeah, sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too much of a pussy/ afraid of being alone to just outright leave.

The real perplexing thing here is why have you not dumped this guy already? Your relationship seems like a waste of time.

No. 344253

This sounds like a red flag imo. The fact that you recognize that he's specifically only going out to shoot after you fight means that he might be doing it on purpose as a form of manipulation (kind of like when men punch walls or break stuff during an argument, there's a deliberate implied threat of what they could do to you if they wanted). I'm not saying your life is threatened or anything based on what you posted but at the very least it's weird behaviour, and if you're fighting enough for this to be an issue you should consider if the relationship is even worth it. Be safe nona

No. 344255

Nice work! That is always the first step. I'd also suggest you write a long letter, physically on paper, saying everything you want to say to her, and then put it in a blank envelope and put it in a post box. The act of getting the words out and 'sending' it to her will help you to feel like you're releasing yourself from that dead relationship.

It's really hard to loose a friend, especially if it's due to arguing. You'll be better without her and some day you'll stop thinking about her as long as you keep no contact. Good luck anon!

No. 344323

my long term bf and I want to get married but I hate my family and his and I don't want anyone at the wedding. I just want close friends there that actually care for us and bring us happiness. But of course we have to invite family or else it will cause a huge drama and everyone will get offended. But I feel like it's our special day and I shouldn't have to put up with people who've treated me bad on that day and pay for their meals and try to entertain them just so their feelings aren't hurt. It's stressing me out to think about to the point I don't even see the point in getting married anymore

No. 344336

There's nothing wrong with eloping, if they treated you badly you owe them nothing.

No. 344419

I'm going on my FIRST EVER date next week, what should I do for it to go well? We'll be eating cake in a nice public garden

Here are a few details on my date :
Negative points :
- I met him through an online studying group that are kind of a group of friends to me
- In said group of friends I've heard rumors that he kissed a girl without her consent at a party
- He's made creepy jokes once or twice on that group
- He gives off slight "incel" vibes, sometimes posts pepes (which kind of helped us bond, since I get them, but also is a redflag I guess..?)
- I'm a little afraid it might give me a bad reputation in my friend group to go on a date with him
- He's currently in my area but I don't know if he'll be staying in my area next year, he'd like to but it's not dependent on him

Positive points :
- I think he's cute (unconventionally attractive kind of cute)
- He is a bit older than me and is a future doctor (he's starting residency)
- Will likely be understanding of my busy lifestyle as I'm a med student too, could also be of great advice
- Has a charming and cute attitude in general
- Is definitely going down the self-improvement route (started going to the gym to lose weight, I don't really mind his weight but it's nice that he has this kind of willpower)
- He's really into me

I'm kind of wondering if I should've said no.. We'll see

No. 344420

ohh.. a big negative that I forgot to specify is that we've been texting (a bit) and it's been super dry
I hope we can develop some kind of chemistry by going on a date

No. 344421

Cancel the date right now, block him and please stay safe

No. 344423

So he is a creepy ugly incel and you want to go on a date with him why exactly? Sorry but "will be a future doctor" is not really a big enough positive to outweigh the big glaring red flags this guy is giving off. You can find men that are already doctors easily.

No. 344424

>In said group of friends I've heard rumors that he kissed a girl without her consent at a party
>He's made creepy jokes once or twice on that group
>He gives off slight "incel" vibes
Yeah just dodge this bullet. If any guy gives remotely creepy incel vibes then don't even bother

No. 344425

OK.. Maybe I should cancel the date, it's true that it seems foolish with all the redflags

But I also haven't ever been invited on a date so I thought I could try
and also I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and kind of give him a chance..?

I guess I can just go on that one date and not go again? Canceling would definitely hurt his feelings
Or should I just invent something not to go?

No. 344426

>kind of give him a chance
you give him one chance and he'll think you're his property for life. please don't even try
>Canceling would definitely hurt his feelings
why do you care about an incel's feefees
>Or should I just invent something not to go?
if you think that's better (to not upset him and cause him to go apeshit) that'll work too.

No. 344429

Make up an excuse that you can't go and just dodge him after if he follows up. I'm only saying this because you are entering the same profession and it's a small world and you don't need the drama. Definitely don't go. Sorry this is not gonna be your perfect first date even if you do go, your gut is making you post here for a reason and you should listen to it. There will be an exciting first date in your future with a nice guy you're excited about. Not this guy.

No. 344430

Alright, I'm just going to cancel it then, say I have to do some work for my mom or whatever
I just hope he won't want to reschedule, I really don't want to hurt his feelings, what can I do if he asks me when's the next time I'm free?

I should've just asked myself if he was worth dating BEFORE texting and all with him..

No. 344431

If you decide not to go, just say you've changed your mind and offer no further explanation.

No. 344432

It'll be kind of awkward since we'll still be in the same friend group, I don't want him to feel rejected I guess..?

No. 344433

say you changed your mind because you value the friend group too much?

No. 344434

Getting rejected is part of dating, he won't lose sleep over it.

No. 344435

Alright that's what I'm going to say
"Hey I appreciate your invitation but I think this friend group is very nice and I'm afraid if we date it might put a bad vibe in it if things go wrong. I'd be happy to see you as friends in that context though! cat gif"

No. 344445

File: 1691964022817.gif (5.47 MB, 500x500, pepe-frog-shrinking-eqbqa8jgcv…)

You're trying too hard to spare his feelings but yeah that's fine. Don't let him argue with you or try to come up with reasons it won't hurt the friend group or whatever. It would be funny if you sent it with this pepe instead of a cat gif

No. 344494

Why do you care so much about his feelings, he's not a family member or anything, if it was the reverse he would not give a single damn about what you felt.

No. 344502

I have two boyfriends and they want me to choose between them and I don't know how I can. I do live with one. But the other wants me to live with him too. Both say me being with the other hurts them. I know I should break up with one but I don't know how to make a decision. I don't have any girl friends to tall to about this.

No. 344508

you should pick the one who is
- the nicest (calm, patient, generous, loving)
- the richest
- the more enclined to have children

No. 344512

Remember when some anons claimed to make up stories in the relationship thread for fun? This is one of them.

No. 344528

kek I love this blunt reply. I think so too.

No. 344561

I wish I was making it up.

No. 344564

Well tell us about them, so we know what you're stuck choosing between

No. 344565

File: 1692034448074.png (90.21 KB, 650x480, wahhh.png)

nonnas, i want to break up with my boyfriend because i'm bored of our relationship but i still love him. this is my first serious long term relationship so i have absolutely no clue if what i'm feeling is normal and how to approach the topic of breaking up.

okay so i've been with my bf for 1.5 years, known him for 2 years. i like him because he's also autistic and weird like i am, has the same retarded humor and is genuinely a nice guy and treats me well. when i met him he went to parties, met up with friends and took care of himself.
now lots of things annoy me in this relationship:
>became a lazy slob, his flat is straight up disgusting (only cleans when i complain that i won't come over to his nasty place)
>never does anything except working, eating, scrolling twitter and sleeping the whole day
>doesn't go to the gym despite paying for a membership
>his reason for doing nothing is that "he's tired from work" (he only works 4 days a week)
>we meet up once a week and do nothing except stay in his nasty flat, watch netflix and order food
>i'm always the one initiating fun activities, recently i suggested that we go on a short vacation abroad and he agreed but doesn't care about helping me plan the vacation so i dropped that plan
>says he is socially anxious as if i never suggest things we could do at home like playing games or cooking
>conversations are becoming boring, he has nothing to talk about except like making jokes and shit

if he wants to live like this that's fine but i can't imagine a future with him. i'm a quite active person since i used to be severely depressed for years and also did nothing the whole day so his lazy lifestyle bores me. he also can't understand why i don't want to move in with him kek.
i feel like i put too much effort into this relationship. he seems to really love me, he tells me he loves me several times a day but his actions just don't show it. i'm exhausted and i feel like a carer or a parent, not like a partner. because of that i barely feel attraction towards him anymore (also i feel bad for saying that but he gained some weight and it makes him less attractive).
i also just don't seem to have any interest in relationships right now, i want to focus on my studies, work and my hobbies.

i need to break up but i don't know how to tell him? i'm getting nauseous just thinking about it. but when he texts me i keep thinking "he's such a funny guy" and i just feel so guilty for feeling this way. maybe this relationship can be saved and he'll change for the better? maybe i expect too much from him? any advice is appreciated ty nonnas

No. 344571

Tell him you'll leave if he doesnt get his shit together, then leave if he doesn't.

No. 344572

Last night my bf told me when his dog dies he will think about killing himself.

It came up bc I took in a rescue from a shelter who lives with us. She puked on a bunch of things. So in the middle of scrubbing I said, “How many more years of this you think- 10?” It was phrased in a dark humor way. I love her but she is a lot of work.

Then he said to me with tears in his eyes , “I will be thinking about killing myself when my dog dies.” His dog has been living with his mom for the last 5 years and he only sees her like 4 times a year even though she’s only 45 minutes away.

I was like… whoaaa what. I am an animal lover. Like I’m vegetarian bc I love animals so much. However I do not understand this at all. Idk if because I’ve had pets my whole life that I know in my head I know there is a limited time for me to take care of them but they’re ultimately that to me- a companion whose wellbeing I’m responsible to for a limited period of time.

I told him he needs to be in therapy right now then because his dog is a senior. And he said, “I wouldn’t actually kill myself I’ll just think about it a lot, but she’s going to live a really long time.” The dog is already 10 and the breed lives 10-12 years.

I don’t even know what to do but it is making me feel sick to my stomach to hear this is how he handles grief, and I’m worried.

No. 344574

ugh, I can't deal with gross people. If you marry him you're always going to have to clean up after him and if he gets fat he'll be even more unhygienic since fat men rarely ever clean themselves up efficiently. He'll be boring and never want to leave the house, if you guys have kids all that childcare work will fall onto you, tbh even if you tell him to shape up, he probably won't because you'll still be dating him. At best, if you leave he'll learn to act right for the next woman, he's most likely already a lost cause, especially since he's not embarrassed to invite you over to his nasty man cave and doesn't want to show you off to the world because 'muh anxiety'. He's already settled.

No. 344576


I’m leaning towards yes break up bc ime men like this don’t change.

It’s worth communicating with him first what you want in a partner and ask if he’s willing to pull his weight. If he doesn’t talk with you about it like a regular adult then leave.

No. 344577


Idk maybe I've become cold, but I think I'd be consider dumping him. He's only living for his dog, he doesn't care about the humans (including you) in his life.

No. 344579

Aw I empathize with him. When a dog dies, the life you've had when you got the puppy dies with it.

No. 344597

This post makes me reconsider ever taking any advice or commentary I've ever seen on this website seriously. This is a person who is losing a member of their family and going through extreme grief, and this is your response?

No. 344598

I wasn't there to hear in what manner and tone he said those things but to me it sounds like he made an exaggerated claim as a way to vent and express his feelings and/or for shock value.

Stop white spacing after you quote, your posts aren't supposed to be recognizeable

No. 344716

My boyfriend called me a “selfish bitch” last night, I don’t know what to do. Obviously, to everyone else I should leave him. For context, he called me that because I keep postponing the trip I’m supposed to take to his country to be with him (again, we’re LDR). He was drinking beer and got angry with me for bringing up postponing the trip and he said that to me and idk what to do. I’m at a loss; I feel like shit. The obvious answer is to leave, but he gaslights me and I feel like leaving is too hard. Crying in my work bathroom right now I feel so sick

No. 344718

No. 344719

Guys like him never change. I wish I wasn't speaking from experience. I've heard that sometimes they change if you leave them because it's a wakeup call, so there's a chance you'd be doing him a sort of kindness by leaving.

No. 344720

Are you sure you didn't take his words too literally? I'd have to be there to know but it really sounds like hyperbole.

No. 344723

how is it not a relationship. it’s not e-dating lmao.

No. 344728

>woman taking on the risk of leaving her country to go to the man's country
First of all, no. You have more to lose by moving countries. HE should be moving to your place, if he isn't currently busy moving mountains for you. Also, if any guy I was dating called me a slur like bitch or cunt, I'd drop him in a heartbeat. Stand up for yourself, damn it!

No. 344729

To add to this, it's all online. Literally log off and go play an otome game to satisfy your need for a man lmao

No. 344733

The second the word bitch leaves a mans mouth in relation to you should be the second the relationship ends. Doesn't matter if it was over something stupid or big.

>to everyone else I should leave him

And do you think everyone is wrong? How is leaving too hard in an LDR? He poses no threat to you. I'm not going to say LDR isnt real, it is. But it does have the benefit of being so much easier to cut off if it goes bad.

Your choices are get used to dating a pig or leave. He will not change. This is your future if you stay with him

No. 344743

sorry; I want to clear up when I said “again” I meant that we lived together before but I left to finish school in my country and now that I’m done and he wants me to come back.

I can’t forgive him calling me a bitch, but after our fight he thinks our problems will be solved if come back. I feel so disgusted

No. 344759

The bad news is he's an asshole and you don't want him in your life. The good news is that cutting ties will not jeopardize your lifestyle at all right now. You already have your whole life at home. Keep it that way.

No. 344873

File: 1692175498904.jpeg (111.74 KB, 1501x1001, F3YYOq3b0AE6NwZ.jpeg)

I'm wondering if it's possible for a guy to be more masculine if you ask, or if it's just something innate. I've been dating a guy for a couple of months and technically he is really nice. He bought me flowers, brings me snacks, asks me to hang out, calls me. But he is really childish and "girly" which is a huge turn off for me. He even expressed he doesn't like being in masculine position to me and said he'd like to be a househusband (later on he said it was a joke, but it didn't sound like that to me). I usually end up ordering stuff for us, when a guy comes up to me when we are out he hides behind me, makes weird childish sounds in conversations, complains about the easiest stuff at his work, just seems very emotional. He already said he loves me etc. I don't wanna break his heart and make him upset, and I like how he is the one pursuing me and putting in the effort, but I can't get past how girly he is. Is it fixable or should I dip out?

No. 344878

Wdym? You have a very good boyfriend, and you're in control of most stuff if not all in the relationship. I think that's a good thing. But if you insist on 'fixing' him, talk about it with him and try to understand where he's coming from with that behavior and try to tell him as nice as possible that it can be weird, he may change himself for you if he truly loves you. But imo trying to change and mold someone you're dating sort of means you don't like who they are if you can't look past these flaws, especially that most of them aren't bad, the only bad thing I'd say is him complaining about easy stuff, that does need to be worked on. But I'm biased because I think the things he does that you mentioned are cute lol, minus the childish sounds while speaking even though I do that sometimes but only when I'm talking to myself.

No. 344888

The way he acts is not really "bad", just unattractive to me. There are girls who are into that, but I'm not one of them. He acts childish and feminine to be "cute" to me, but I don't find that cute. The other day he visited me at work to bring me snacks, he sat on the floor next to my desk. I told him that there are chairs nearby, and as a response he literally lied down on the floor. All while my coworkers were sitting by their desks. That gave me such a huge ick, I didn't bother texting him for a couple of days.
Maybe I'm too concerned with gender roles, but I cook for him and listen to him rant/complain for hours (which he clearly expects), but he can't even say anything when a guy comes up asking for my number, or someone comments on my looks? Idk. He doesn't put a lot of effort into his appearance, pulls up to a restaurant in anime t-shirt (I love anime but why dress like that to a high-end restaurant…), while I try my best to look&smell good for a date. I think the whole "househusband" thing is just an excuse for men to be lazy. He literally hasn't washed windows in his house for years and can barely put together average pasta.

No. 344903

Break up with him nonna. Just reading your two posts it's obviously that you don't like anything about how he acts, except that he likes you. It would be kinder to him to break up so he can go find someone who likes this kind of guy.

No. 344912

break up with him and give me his contact info

No. 344913

Break up with him before he troons out. Anime AND acting childish and girly is a bad sign. If icing him out by not texting for a few days didn't work and you want to save the relationship, you need to be up front with him about what you want. I find positive reinforcement works well - compliment him when he does something manly and cringe or pull a face when he does something embarrassing like lie on the floor. If that doesn't work, you might have to end things.

No. 344915

Kek the solution is obvious - have a big fight about whether or not to break up

No. 344917

How old is he? I'm just curious. He sounds adorable but usually people of either gender don't act like this past mid20s-ish so that might color my opinion.
I agree with the other replies, you should break up with him since you don't like him.

No. 344919

Personally I only like it when guys break gender roles by being nurturing, loving, and cute, but the way your moid acts sounds pretty repulsive. He seems like the type of guy who's into role reversal, but only the parts that allow him to be lazy and reap the most benefit.

No. 344921

I was into him until the part where he can't cook or clean. Gtfo lol, not gonna be my househusband acting like that

No. 344938

kekkkk if this is real what a fucking retard.

I'm not from a place where guns are normalized (or even legal) so take with a grain of salt I guess but I really wouldn't feel safe with a guy like that.

No. 344979

My bf plays a lot of videogames and honestly it triggers me so much how sexualized so many of them are. Thankfully when he makes characters now he doesn't play female characters but he used to, and his FFXIV character that he still plays is female. Luckily she doesn't look too coomerish but I know his type so I KNOW he made it to look hot to him. I don't know how to get over how mad and upset it makes me, thinking about him "romancing" characters in Baldurs Gate III literally makes me sick in my stomach to think about. They're SO sexualized, idk it makes me feel insecure and like I'll never compare to the idealized characters he lusts after. I guess it's better than him thirsting for irl girls but it just makes me feel so insecure. Have any of you dealt with this? Do I just need to suck it up?

No. 345029

He plays female characters? Future tranny.

No. 345070

BGIII's marketing was way too focused on having sex with fantasy characters. There's definitely a lot of it, maybe you should strike up a conversation about the modern over sexualization in video games meant to punch back at the more recent desexualization of women in video games by turning them into men-lite but both extremes are not solving anything and hear his take on it.

No. 345078

File: 1692271950937.jpg (6.42 KB, 275x235, 1684014601794.jpg)

I've been seeing this moid for about a year. We get along most of the time. The only time I really have a problem with him is when he flakes on plans/makes empty promises. This has been my biggest issue for the past year.

He will promise me something (coming over, watching a movie with me on discord, making me art, even my christmas gift lmao) and then not do it. Two weeks ago, he spent the entire week telling me he would come see me at some point. Then on Saturday, he says he's coming over that day. He originally said he would come at 7 and then kept changing the time until he said he's too busy gaming. I was livid until he came over the next day.

Then last week, he promised he would call me on Wednesday and then kept changing the day until he finally called me on Sunday. He's been saying he values his alone time and that he doesn't really enjoy calling

This week, I confronted him about it. I told him I feel like his recent behaviour is how you treat someone you don't really care about/respect. He told me he's sorry I feel that way but it's not his responsibility. He says that it's not a coincidence that the most unstable person he knows (i struggle with my mental health but i'm in therapy and have a really good support system) is the only one that had a problem with his behaviour. To sum it up, he basically said im too emotional and im asking for too much

So i've been sitting here for the past day, questioning myself. I'm wondering if I'm being overly dramatic and asking for too much. I don't know if my feelings are valid and maybe I am just being too sensitive. I wanted to ask some nonnies on what they think about this situation and what they think i should do. I would really appreciate it

No. 345081

he's being an asshole. you can stop questioning your sanity, it's not you it's him.

No. 345083

Not much you can do about it now, I mean even if you talk to him about it and convince him to play such characters it's not like his lusting after his ideal is gone with it. But if you break up just don't date guys who play gamees again. That's what I do, not exactly for those reasons you listed but after dating a few of them I realized how unattractive and annoying it is to be with a guy who wants to game 3-4 hours most night. Sorta OT but it's almost impossible to be into gaming and not be addicted to it so it's better to just avoid dating them. imo.

>his recent behaviour is how you treat someone you don't really care about/respect.
You're right and don't let him tell him otherwise.

No. 345091

> he basically said im too emotional and im asking for too much
Big fucking red flag. You were not asking for too much and please don't let this moid tell you otherwise.

He's an ass and you deserve someone who can give you what you need in a relationship (and don't worry about being "too much/needy" because these days it's an excuse for moids to keep things casual and not put in any effort and make you believe that there's something wrong with you). You say you've been seeing each other for a year but please ask yourself how much longer you are okay with his behavior. I know it's hard but you should find someone who doesn't take you for granted and can fulfill your needs or else this whole thing will just leave you exhausted and empty. Do you really want to be with someone who can't follow through with plans and makes you question your own feelings and needs? You could be with someone who puts effort into seeing you and reciprocates your feelings and doesn't make you feel bad for simply communicating your needs. He puts video games before you. He doesn't deserve you.

No. 345094

Asking cause I feel I'm crazy.
A friend of a friend is "seeing" a guy. They've been "seeing" each other for 2 years, to the point where they talk about kids together , he who isn't Asian (she's Chinese, and her ex-boyfriend is Asian but not Chinese) has the approval of her mum who wants her to date exclusively Chinese.
My question is, isn't 2 years of constantly going out on dates/having sex/the potential children talk to be too long to just be "seeing" each other? I'm just suspicious of the guy.

No. 345095

Um… no? I don't really understand what you mean. Some people date for years before they marry/have kids, what of it?

No. 345096

>busy gaming
come on. also, why make plans when you know you're not gonna follow through with them and giving the other person false expectations? is that not a lack of respect? a lack of respect of your time and life?

No. 345097

I guess it depends on the culture around you but no that's not too long to be seeing someone. What would you think is an appropriate amount of time? Is there something wrong with this guy that you don't trust him?

No. 345099

I should clarify, my friend said "Dating" and the she correct my friend said "we aren't dating, just seeing each other". They aren't dating. I believe it's because he can screw other woman while not being in a "Relationship"

No. 345101

Ohhhhh. Yeah, that's fucked up lmao. Talking about kids when you're not even exclusive is wild.

No. 345102

Oh. That changes everything.

No. 345106

Wtf. Aren't Chinese people usually traditional about relationships? How is she allowing this? Is he white/euro? He's probably lying to her and saying this is the norm there or something.

No. 345116

It sounds to me like hes using you as a back-up plan when his dates with other women fall through.

No. 345148

My relationship is perfect in everything except sex, I have a pretty high libido and wish we could enjoy thrilling semi kinky sex together (nothing violent or degrading, just actually passionate and heated and experimental sometimes) and my partner has almost no libido and zero interest in foreplay or trying different things or even positions, he will literally flip me back to missionary when I want to try something slightly different, and usually just starfishes half asleep. I’ve tried for years to change it in every way possible and it’s just impossible, I have tried everything to get him excited and tell him what I wish we could do but he has zero interest despite that he loves my appearance, he has almost no drive.
I ended up by chance recently meeting a ton of friends who all have these very open, passionate, exciting sex lives and various forms of open relationships. It’s become really clear to me that tons of people—mostly other queer women, who I’ve never been able to really be with much before due to my homophobic family growing up—would actually want to do the sort of things I want. It’s shocking for me to even see that people can look at me and viscerally desire me passionately after never getting to experience that. But I don’t want to date any of these people or replace my partner with them. I don’t know how to bring up to him the idea that I want to try dealing with our mismatched sexual urges in this way and be able to express my attraction to other women without destroying our relationship. Am I just obligated to give up the idea of being sexually satisfied and feeling wanted and engaged with sexually? And I refuse to believe the relationship is doomed just because of this one aspect, I think everything else is much more important, so breaking up is not on my mind whatsoever. We could easily have an extremely happy life together. But he’s simply not someone who is interested in sex, and I am. Is it even worth bouncing the idea off him or would it just break his heart and ruin the good things we have?

No. 345175

Tbh this sounds fake and gay. Your man refuses you hopping on his lap to ride him and he pushes you off if you suddenly pin him down while you're in bed together? Also you put so much emphasis on how these open relationships with women seem like such a good idea, yet there's obvious issues with that like opening you both up to contracting stds. If this is real and not fetish role play bait, then you clearly are more into women so just break up.

No. 345179

It's so fucking wild, and I'm so sceptical of him, I don't know her on a personal basis so I cannot confront him, so I'm hoping our mutual friend does something. It's also kind of pathetic on her end, she's a few years older than us (30+), and has been in multiple relationships so I don't understand how you can stoop yourself to that level.
He's half black(?) and half latino iirc, I don't know exactly, but they are both children to Immigrant parents, however born here in the west.

No. 345214

What are his porn habits like? Are you sure he isn't just disinterested in sex because he watched too much porn? That's extremely common nowadays, don't rule it out too quickly because you dont want that to be the case. If not that, what is his fitness level like? If he lives a sedentary lifestyle, getting him to workout might just do the trick. It's not easy getting someone to excersise obviously but that's one thing to consider, being sedentary kills libido and being active increases it, generally speaking.

No. 345256

Ugh I didn't know that about bg3, I will definitely talk to him about it. Do you think it would be too controlling for me to ask him not to do those options on his solo playthrough? He already doesn't watch porn because I told him I'm deeply uncomfortable with every aspect of it and he agreed not to, but I feel like simulating it in a video game is the same thing as watching cartoon porn except worse because it's more involved.

No. 345394

Love my bf so much I come across as needy and clingy. He said he doesn't want to talk to me at all because "every conversation brings him anxiety and pain", even when I only say nice things (or even when I don't say anything and just send him cute pictures). What do?

No. 345405

Damn, anon, i'm a very insecure person myself so I tend to side with less rational women coming to this thread but even for me you're too extreme. Games like BG3 ultimately are not porn games so feeling anxious about romance plot is only one little step away from asking your boyfriend to not interact with any media at all depicting any romance whatsoever. I don't even care about your bf's freedom to do things, but it's so unhealthy for you, all this worry will drain you completely, sooner or later. Do whatever you prefer in this bg3 situation, but if ever an opportunity arises, look into seeing a therapist, not for some moid's sake, but your own.

No. 345410

He doesn't want to talk to you at all? You bring him anxiety and pain? what the fuck? More context please, how do you supposedly cause him pain and anxiety? Why is he still with you if he loathes talking to you that much?

No. 345411

>how do you supposedly cause him pain and anxiety?
By asking him about stuff a lot. Especially about his feelings, he doesn't think that understanding his feelings is important and argues accordingly. Sometimes I think he's the NPC meme where the NPC is asked about why he doesn't like X and he just gets angry kek.
I get really frustrated with him because of his actions sometimes and he says "I can't change, it's just how I am" but he also pressures me into changing myself for him. He justifies it by saying that my behaviour is actually aggressive and harmful while his is just "neutral" (while I could possibly classify it as passive aggression).
He's been really nice to me though and supported me through tough stuff. He just says he's tired of trying to change me and is out of energy to help and care for me. He says he wishes the best for me but he doesn't actually show any care at all (again, justifying it by saying he's tired).
>Why is he still with you if he loathes talking to you that much?
He's considering breaking up with me, but he's on a vacation right now and when he'll be back we'll spend some more time together to see if it could work. He doesn't believe in it though and says I can't do shit to make him feel better (although I've offered him my help and encouragement, he says it's all pointless and I'm just useless for that).

No. 345413

Slow down and don't be so romantic. Some people don't like overly romantic or clingy stuff early on, it's ok. Just find other things to do aside from messaging him or talking to him.

No. 345414

>early on
We've been dating for a year now, but you're right that I should find other things to focus on. I just want to get his attention and tell him how much he matters to me.

No. 345415

He doesn't give a fuck about you and tries to blame it on you in case he will want something from you. Dump him.

No. 345420

Update : I rejected him and I don't regret AT ALL, I've seen him in group settings other times around and he was unleashed creepy, like we were out playing badminton with two other friends and at the end he said "sorry I wasn't able to focus, some girls running at the park had really good running abilities.."
Sexual predator vibe

No. 345421

Good for you anon. I hope he gets sexually harassed by a gay man the same way he harasses those women.

No. 345438

wow, break up with him. all of that sounds horrible and stressful.

No. 345443

Break up with him before he breaks up with you nona.

No. 345479

That's really manipulative of him. (and yet he calls me an incredibly manipulative and abusive person since I dare to show my emotions)
Yeah, I can see why it's the best course of action. Sadly it's very like a withdrawal, I miss everything good that's happened between us.
I'll try to tell him it's over when he comes back from his vacation (on Monday) since he prefers to deal with such matters in person instead of in text. Thank you nonnies.

No. 345488

File: 1692463637237.jpg (31.15 KB, 488x557, ab561c28084082865d8832d7c36211…)

Retarded comparison but my boyfriend so much like Mr. PB. He's sweet, optimistic, charismatic and is always down to have fun. But he's materialistic and avoids talking about any emotions whatsoever. I don't know what to do. I'm going through a hard time right now and recently when he's been visiting me and I'm not really happy or feeling good he seems to take it personally. He's not doing anything to make me feel bad or uncomfortable and he has opened up more since we got into a relationship, I love him but I can't help but feel we're just very different people. I don't want to break up, we'd both be heartbroken and there are plenty of times that have been and are great. Materialism isn't such a big problem as his emotional.. nothing. He doesn't open up and it leads to awkward situations between us. We're happy together but I can't just be sad around him because he doesn't know what to do with it, the best I get is 'that sucks'. What do I do?

No. 345594

Didn't you watch the show? It's better to break up if you really are that incompatible, this is exactly the problem Diane had with him and their marriage

No. 345718

Bf and his level of commitment to me are confusing, can you guys help me understand our weird situation a bit better?
Things he does to show commitment:
>Very loving, kind, giving, attentive always. Perfect boyfriend, has been for 2+ years which is why I want to marry him
>Wants me to move in with him any time, supports me having a career if I want but says he would also be fine with me being a "stay at home girlfriend" because he has plenty of money and just wants time with me
>Always asks me how I want his house renovated, has let me make major house renovation decisions
>Pictures of me all in his house, keeps my stuff in all of his bathrooms, built me a vanity in the bedroom, makes me feel very at home in his house
>Gave me one of his credit cards to use
>Always asking me for my opinion before he makes lifechanging decisions that will impact his life
>Haven't met his parents or sister yet (he says they're super judgy and he just didn't want them being rude to me)
>Won't propose (Says he wants to be married eventually, but we need to work on our communication first)

I'm just so confused by the way he's doing stuff. I'm moving in with him at the end of the year, and he's already trying to pay all my bills, spoil me, include me in major decisions in his life, but he won't propose? Does that make sense to any of you?

No. 345726

My boyfriend left and I'm a fucking mess.

I know I wasn't happy but I put up with it for years because there was the hope one day I would be and now it was all a waste.

So many of the things he did that made me uncomfortable he told me were standard and normal and I could expect the same from anyone else. This was my first serious relationship and even now I don't know which one of us was right. Was he mistreating me? Were my expectations just unrealistic? I don't fucking know.

Long ago I could tell him I was upset by something he/someone else said, or I didn't know why someone was mad at me and he'd break it down and explain to me how it was all a miscommunication and here's what they meant, here's what he meant, here's how what I said sounded. And then I got an autism diagnosis. Cool right? Everything makes sense, all these constant misunderstandings explained, they were out of my hands and all I needed was an ally to help explain things to me and it would be okay… And immediately he got less willing to support me? Started saying I always look for the worst in people and that's why I get upset when they meant nothing wrong. I come across as rude because I'm inconsiderate. Everything is because I'm not trying.

Conversations got shorter and shorter, he never wanted to do anything together or go anywhere, and a month ago he basically stopped talking to me altogether. He came to take his things away this weekend. We had a very brief conversation where he said he missed me and asked what he could do to not hurt me… And as soon as I tried to explain the things he did that were hurtful to me he came down on me again that it's all my fault for casting him as a villain when nothing he ever did was wrong.

Why did he insist he misses me and he cares about me when it's his choice to not talk to me?
If I'm just misunderstanding when it feels like he hates me why can't he just explain what he means? Why am I wrong for being hurt end of conversation?
Will every relationship I ever have really been like this? Really feel this invasive and controlling? Is this really the standard?

I don't understand and I'm just stuck here confused and wondering.

I wish so badly he would come back and hold me like he used to. Sit me in his lap and explain what he actually meant and that he understands how it might have sounded to me. But he gave up on me and I don't know how to go on.

No. 345753

He isn’t going to marry you. He’s slumming it. “My family is judgemental and we need to work on our communication first” is the gentlest way he can let you know this is a temporary and transactional relationship, it’s also why he suggested you become a live-in girlfriend.

No. 345780

Have you posted before? I swear I've read a "he doesn't want to marry until we fix our communication issues" recently

No. 345802

Advice needed, nonas. I've learned in a major argument this weekend that the man I've been dating for 8 months has some pretty backwards, sheltered, and offensive beliefs.

He thinks that
- modern feminism is about women receiving better treatment than men
- women in the US have it better than men do
- it's more socially acceptable to dunk on men than it is women
- objectification is not a problem (essentially saying that women are complaining about a non-issue)

In other ways he is tolerable in this regard - he has a great relationship with his mom, who is an awesome woman. (It's worth noting his family is very conservative, his mom is just a very sweet and smart person who I really respect). He acknowledges that I am just as smart and capable as he is (we go to school together). He participates cheerfully in housework, sharing responsibilities, etc. He is also pro choice. He doesn't watch porn, but has some ideas about it that we butt heads about (I think porn should not exist, he thinks that "some people who can't get relationships need it as a release").

I think a big part of this is he spent a lot of time on 4chan and reddit in high school and this predisposed him to that type of thinking. I have pointed out to him many times that I, as a feminist, share a lot of the beliefs that he does, and his response is always that I'm not representative of modern feminism…which he claims he knows because of what he's seen online/in the media about it. It's very frustrating, because I'll get him to agree with me on something, and I'll go "that's a feminist belief" and he'll go "well, that's not what feminism means now." In some ways he seems more radicalized than his parents - for instance, both his mom and dad were disgusted at how the female backup dancers were objectified in a concert they recently went to. I guarantee my Nigel would even think to take offense at something like that. So I think his internet habits may have radicalized him, and therefore he may be capapble of being de-radicalized.

I'm at the end of my rope. Unfortunately we live together, and for this and other reasons I don't think breaking up is the answer. It just sucks feeling like he thinks I'm being dramatic for attention when it comes to things like not wanting to be stared at in public by creepy guys.

Has anyone bothered putting up with this type of guy? If so, was the relationship salvageable? I had this amazing math teacher in middle school who basically pinkpilled me, and her husband was a Republican trucker dude. I always wondered how they made it work, and now I'm realizing I might be somewhat in her shoes.

No. 345804

He doesnt want to marry (YOU)

No. 345806

He wont marry anyone. I knew several men like that, never introduced their gfs to parents, never even mentioned the gfs to their parents and didn't even plan on marriage even if they wanted to have kids. Idk why it happens but the men that had this mindset had mental disorders so maybe that's why? You can kind of try to fish future plans and such from him but he seems to be that type which wouldn't marry or get serious with any woman because of their own issues.

No. 345808

Whatever you do, don't have kids with him. This type of misogynistic guy can be fine to date but he'll ruin your kids views especially if the child is a daughter

No. 345809

>dating a republican ex-4channer who is definitely more misogynistic than he lets on
get some self-respect and dump him kek

No. 345813

>dating for 8 months
>living together with a moid you dont even know on a basic level
>whoop de woo he is a 4channer incel

girl, congrats, youbplayed yourself

No. 345814

Men like him will never develop the curiosity to actually read a feminist book to challenge their assumptions, as underlying it all is the belief that women are hysterical and nag about nonsense. You shouldn't bother trying to convince him of anything and work towards breaking up. He doesn't care about women being degraded at all, that should be plainly obvious as he thinks porn should remain to satiate lonely men. He probably has a madonna-whore complex and it will inevitably bite you if you stay with him.

No. 345817

The first line of your list already had me facepalming. Why didnt you know this stuff about him before you moved in with him? Your man is the definition of an incel loser. Get away from him. I don't even want to know what kind of sick thoughts he's hiding from you since he's this type of guy. How did this stereotypical type of guy rope you into a relationship with him? Do you have support?

No. 345821

We just didn't talk about it, idk. We have a lot of other interests in common and spend most of our time talking about those things. This sounds silly, but I found it a major green flag that he has a cat that he adores. I trust people who like cats, because it shows me that they're capable of respecting creatures that have boundaries and don't act the way the person might want them to all the time.

I think he's just never really had to challenge those beliefs. He's very respectful of me in basically every way, so I had no reason to think he thought differently than me on these points and that's why I was so shocked when this came up.

I don't think he's beyond hope. I think I could make him come around given enough time. He cooks for me, cleans up around the house without being asked, is very good at comforting me when I'm upset, and generally lets me take the lead in our relationship. He takes me seriously when I tell him that he does something that hurts me, and apologizes and takes accountability. I personally feel like he's largely pro-feminist, but just cringes at the thought because he watched too many "SJW cringe compilations" when he was a teenager. As long as I don't invoke the word "feminist," he agrees with me. I think he just has major issues with the word "feminism" for some reason, possibly his upbringing/where he hung out online.

No. 345822

Let me tell you something. Him liking animals doesn't mean he's a good person. My mother's domestic abuser liked animals but he was a real shitbag to children and women.

This person is not good for you and your basic moral views don't even align. It will NEVER work and you are dating someone not only uneducated with bad takes, but someone who will never truly respect you for being a woman and problems women face. You need to vet your next man a lot harder. Him having simple problems with the word "feminist" says it all. You're not dating a man…you are dating a manchild.

Run far or you will regret wasting your time with him.

No. 345841

I am an older nonna who has had dating experience with horrible moids and let me tell you: the fact that you are here because you can't properly process what is happening in your relationship is your gut telling you to get out. You are making excuses for him and trying to find ways to still make this relationship work because you really care about him, i get that. I made that mistake too when i was younger… I made that mistake 3 times actually. I didn't have a support system and i didn't have lolcow so i stayed and felt miserable because scrotes don't change. When reading the body of your post i see so many red flags that this just can't end well. The fact that all the replies to your post have been negative is for a reason, nonna. We don't say that you should get out cause "we hate all moids", we say this because we have lived through the same experiences as you and/or we can actually see the red flags, which you can't cause you are in the middle of it all. Once you get out of the relationship it will become more clear that there were way more issues than the one you are describing right now. If anything, keep a diary where you write about your moid every time you have a fight, disagreement, or anything else negative happening with him and read through that diary at least once every two weeks. You will start seeing patterns. Don't think you are not able to leave him, because you are. Look for social workers in your region, they can be a godsend. Don't waste your life with this moid who you have only been with for 8 fucking months. And never live together again with a scrote until you know every little silly thing about him (and wait AT LEAST a year) and don't date 4chan and reddit scrotes jfc.

No. 345935


Thank you for taking the time to answer me sincerely. I think you both might be right, and I want to let you know I truly feel grateful that spaces like this exist. I'm prepared to say my peace tonight and go from there. I'm not scared of him, my name's on the lease, and I'm friends with two awesome women who live across the hall from us, so I'm prepared for whatever happens. I'm 24, I don't want to look back and realize that I wasted my 20s with men who don't care about me or believe in what I and other women go through. He needs to know that if he can't change, then I can't be with him.

No. 345954

I dumped him.
I don't know if it's good for us to stay friends after this, we both still have obvious feelings for each other. He also said I behaved just like he wanted (nice and sweet and etc).

No. 345964

>He also said I behaved just like he wanted (nice and sweet and etc).
nonna this is gross just fucking block him

No. 345966

File: 1692750615133.jpg (45.26 KB, 657x191, 34535243.translated.jpg)

I know this sounds awful but I'm just bad at paraphrasing, those weren't his exact words, his exact words (although machine translated) are in picrel.
He wished me well and he's coming over this morning to pick up his remaining stuff. He also wanted to take me shopping after that, if he won't be exhausted.

No. 345972

You’re properly broken up, proceed accordingly.

No. 346064


I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave their input.

We are divorcing and I have laid out the rules of the divorce. We are in a state where you can divorce amicably if both parties agree on how to split the assets.
I basically said that if he does not comply, I will get a lawyer and I will take the house.

I will be honest, For a few days after this post I still tried to make it work. But, on a phone call with him, I heard his parents shit talking me in the background. He didn't defend me nor try to stop them. It was the wake up call I needed to see how badly he treated me, and how low of me he thinks.

I'm doing better emotionally. I'm not going to lie and say it hurts. It does, but more in a way of mourning the death of a person that does not exist.

I feel relieved and relaxed. So that's good.

No. 346067

I know that this thread is mostly for romantic relationships, but I have a family relationship issue between my cousin and I.
We were really close growing up. She was 5 years older than I but we have always been super similar, including looks.
We both had horrible family situations so that also gave us something to bond over. Including cutting off family members and supporting each other.

I was married at the time, and she was married at the time of this incident as well.

We are both really into video games, so we had been playing a video game together. Think WOW or FFXIV, for example. She met a guy online and immediately became super secretive about him. Even sharing accounts with each other. This was really shocking because we were always open.
Other people in the friend group noticed this too. So they asked me to talk to her about it, because they also missed playing with her.
After I tried talking to her, it was brought to my attention that she began to talk horribly about my marriage issues, my personality, and even was planning on kicking me out of the friend group.

I tried to talk to her about this because obviously something isn't right. Instead she clung onto the idea that I was accusing her of cheating on her husband and now our relationship is irreparable. The accusation was never said, instead I was asking about why she had became so secretive.

She ended up blocking me on every social media platform, in the game we played, and everywhere. It made it seem like she was really cheating and was projecting it onto me.

After this incident, I told our friend group. And they chose to stick with me instead of her.
She began stealing people from the friend group to create a new group. Not a lot, maybe like two people out of 20 people.

But here's what I know:
- Whatever she told her new friend group about me, is weird. They absolutely HATE me. Which is weird because… I had always been the one to reach out and apologize first if I made a mistake.
- She has told something to her immediate family something about me that has made them turn against me as well. She is now acting close to them.
- Rumors were spread about me that I'm a doormat and I'm just a puppet to control? (This was weird because it says that they view me that way for some reason)
- Pictures of her husband's family have been removed from social media, they are not friends anymore from what it seems like.
- They seem to still be together according to someone who has her on Instagram. She posted a picture of her with her husband a week ago.

What I'd like advice on is what the hell exactly happened? I know I'll never know the truth. I don't plan on reaching back out to her. Although I miss her a lot. I'm happy seeing her around in game and having fun. I just wish it didn't have to be this way.

I feel like she reacted that way because it's true and didn't want me to tell her husband. But whatever she has told everyone is crazy enough to be believable and so bad that they completely shunned me out. Did she lie and say that I did what she is currently doing?

If anyone has had similar experiences, please share them.

No. 346069

I’m so happy for you! That’s really tough and I bet it was difficult but I’m glad you are relieved now.
I still think you should get a lawyer preemptively as there will be legal paperwork and I’d hate for you to be unpleasantly surprised by something he or his parents do.

No. 346083

Why do you care about splitting the house with him? He was trying to pull ot from ubder your feet. Get the house, he cheated on you, you werent divorced and fuck him.

No. 346089

good grief I can't believe the two of you are old enough to be married because this reads like teen drama

No. 346130


>I will get a lawyer and I will take the house.

Your ex is calculating as hell and I guarantee he has one already and is discussing if there is any way to do exactly this, and is praying that you're actually naive enough to not to do the same.

Please do not talk to him or anyone or agree to anything again until you get a lawyer ASAP who will be aggressive on your behalf.

No. 346138

I was with my now ex moid for 7 years, I broke up with him 6 months ago for some of the following reasons:
-I was ready for us to move in together into an amazing apartment that was ready and waiting for us, all he had to do was learn to drive so he could get to and from work and he couldn't seem to find the motivation to do it
-no drive or ambition
-spent all his free time and money smoking weed and drinking beer
-can't manage his money and refused to let me help
-little things like he would never bless me when I sneezed or get me flowers (ik this is so minor but I asked for these tiny things for 7 fucking years)
-I've never liked myself and decided I couldn't make the improvements I needed to make to myself while feeding into this relationship

He was kind and sweet and if I hadn't realised one day that I need to get comfortable with being alone then I could have probably have had a very stable, happy but unfulfilling life with him.

It's been 6 months and I haven't been this happy since I was a child, I'm dating around but have no intention of settling anytime soon, moved into this apartment by myself and feel so much more secure with myself- I know I did the right thing and I don't miss him.

However, he keeps telling me he misses me. what does he actually want me to say to him? We have the same friendship group and im not losing my closest friends to make him feel more comfortable. He's hot and cold and one week he hates me and is being horrible and the next he's being sweet and buying my drinks. He says every time he sees me I just seem happier and happier and while he's glad for me it also hurts because he couldn't bring me that happiness. lame.

I have no intention of going back to him, if it's meant to be it will be but I don't miss him, sometimes I miss the security but I do not miss him as a boyfriend.

What do I say to him when he says he "wants to get things off his chest" and that he misses me? What the actual fuck does he want to hear? Does he want me to pity him and get back with him? would that make him feel good? sorry to rant I'm just getting so sick of it.

No. 346144

The great thing is that you don't have to tell him anything. It's been over 7 years with 6 months since you've broken up. 6! He had enough time to get things off his chest, and you have no obligation to entertain him whatsoever. He is a perfect example of a manchild at that. Good grief, keep living your better life and leave him to seethe.

No. 346181

Time to move on and cut off contact, in my opinion. You're not his personal vent thread.

>What the actual fuck does he want to hear? Does he want me to pity him and get back with him?

He doesn't want you back (he would've fought harder to keep you around in the first place), he wants the comforts you brought back. Companionship, easy sex, labour around the house. Until he advances a new relationship with a different woman, you're his best bet to get those things back. It's very nice and comfortable for men to live with women.

No. 346192

Do I go for
>guy 1 who's sweet, not the smartest but doesn't buy into woke shit, isn't pushy at all but struggles a bit with communicating.
>Or guy 2, very romantic, smarter overall but very woke, oversensitive, pushy even if he doesn't cross the line, super easy to talk to and really funny.
help lol

No. 346211

Neither, they both sound obnoxious.

No. 346212

go fujo and get them to make out and argue over politics instead

No. 346213

Neither, this is like the worst of both worlds.
I second this.

No. 346220

I found an old account of my girlfriend's where she used to post gore art and images.
Should I be concerned? We're both terminally online so I'm not super shocked or anything. Many anons on here want to be gored up and/or gore up someone else in the shameful fetish thread, even.
Should I confront her or leave it?

No. 346230

They kinda are lol but also I don't want to die alone and I'm an ugly autist, I literally can't do better and so I should be happy anyone likes me
Valid point kek

No. 346231

Could you post some censored versions, or name some artists? I don't think gorey art is necessarily indicative of anything bad, and purposes of art pieces vary.

No. 346233

Depends on how old she was, might have just been an edgy phase

No. 346238

guy 2 imo, hope he's also a malesub

No. 346255

I'd bring it up, sometimes people into weird gore addictions. But if it's an old account from her teens it's reasonably likely that it was just a phase.

No. 346298

How do I dump a friend when I have to see him in class like 8 weeks a year for the next 4 years?

We usually just meet up to play board games at a board game cafe.
I’m the one who initiated contact to begin with because we were applying for the same internship position. Anyway I don’t enjoy hanging out with him and he is starting to give me orbiter vibes. He keep messaging even tho I don’t reply and he ask every week if I want to meet up on the weekend.

Last time we met up he said something very weird. I talked about how I had brought my bf soup and medicine earlier that day because he was sick, and then my friend said “would he do the same for you?”. I got such an ick from that conversation.

No. 346300

>would he bring you soup too
Sounds like something anons here would say KEK anyway are you willing to confront him directly about it?

No. 346316

Nonnies who had to choose between 2 love interests, how did you decide?

No. 346321

This is like the third time you've asked about choosing between 2 guys

No. 346328

Anons when two incels send them friend requests on discord:

No. 346332

Define “pushy” please. Pushy about what?

No. 346336

>>346316 samefag but more about the two guys:
>one ive been dating for about 5 years
>broke up a few times because im immature and bpdfag
>nice, bad at communication, wants to be with me
>but is unsure about marriage, always has been (had fights over this but i feel now im too young to be married)
>caring, supportive at times, not much of a backbone
>i was his first and still am only gf, i pursued him
>supports me, buys gifts occasionally and is thoughtful
>is indifferent whether i like him or not, and says as long as im happy- never fights for me.
>consistent for most part but not very bold
new guy:
>met him at work
>instant click, we pursued each other
>loves me very much, is open about it and wants to show me off
>sometimes hot and cold, has broken up with me before bc he doesnt feel good enough
>lovebombs when im distant (sends flowers, gifts, and the occasional check in text when i ignore him or say i need space)
>passionate but firey lover, wants to get married and have babies
>tries REALLY hard to be the center of my attention, doesnt get upset when i ignore him but will beg for attention (sometimes i do this on purpose so he knows his place)

theyre both great, one is a timid and quiet lover while the other is firey and passionate. I think my one life with the first would be normal and loving where the 2nd would be passionate and firey, ive described it to him as 'id burn your house down when im mad and then youd call the cops and theyd find us making love on the lawn and everyone would say 'its THAT couple again' but no one would be so passionate.' and he agreed its a good description. So basically, normal and lovely or passionate and firey?
(sorry for all the reposts, last one i swear lol)

No. 346337

Idk anon both give me red flags. No one is perfect of course but the first moid being unsure about marriage after 5 years of dating and bad communication doesn't sound too good to me in the long run. His indifference towards you liking him too. Sounds like he's too comfortable because you're his first and only gf and he doesn't want to be alone. But you already considering the new guy doesn't sound like you want to be with the first one in the first place.

As for the second one, be careful and date a bit longer before you make a decision. Instantly clicking? Hot and cold? Passionate? I don't know if I'm reading too much into this due to my own past experiences but I was in a relationship with someone like you described and it turned into the worst one I've ever been in. Maybe you should look for a guy who gives you stability, isn't too passionate and fiery (a red flag right in the beginning because it's too fast) and has no doubts about marriage (if you still want that of course).

No. 346340

Also wanted to add that lovebombing is also a major red flag even if it seems flattering in the beginning. Being all over each other in the beginning is normal, but a mix of passion, hot and cold and lovebombing is not. Things should go slow and steady when it comes to that.

No. 346342

>ive described it to him as 'id burn your house down when im mad and then youd call the cops and theyd find us making love on the lawn and everyone would say 'its THAT couple again' but no one would be so passionate.' and he agreed its a good description.
RUN RUN RUN RUN don't entertain this moid

No. 346358

LMAO why do I always find the most accurate responses on here. God bless nonas.

No. 346359

How do I not get jealous over my boyfriend watching tv shows with naked women and sex scenes? My own solution was to watch as much yaoi as possible but it just doesn't feel the same.

No. 346387

If you feel uncomfortable about it, gou can tell him. If anything, I'd be more offput by any man who watches coomer shows rather than get jealous he looks at women. It's embarrassing to be dating someone who watches that trash and also mentions it to others, especially if he's old. Imagine him telling your shared friends he watched euphoria or elite or something which depicts high schoolers having weird kinky sex, I'd be embarrassed.

No. 346393

Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer had sex scenes which focused on a naked woman.
Was it a coomer movie?
I think you're both being extreme if your stance is absolutely no media which involves sex or (gasp) naked women, you're adults for God's sake.

No. 346398

That scene had no business being in that movie. It was completely uncalled for and only put in to sell tickets to coombrained men. So yes.
Not either of those anons btw.

No. 346402

>Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer had sex scenes which focused on a naked woman.
>You're adults
You know I'd agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that sex scenes in hollywood movies nearly exlusively focus on showing off the woman's body and arousal during sensual/sexual acts while there's little to no focus on the male party. The scene in Oppenheimer is a fantastic example, considering how it was deliberately staged to show all of her body while his was hidden below hers. Sex scenes in Hollywood films are made for men to goggle at and not a "tasteful and artistic" scene to be enjoyed by all viewers.

No. 346406

I will be meeting my boyfriend's parents soon. We have a very serious relationship, so I want this to go well. But they're extremely judgy people from what I've heard, very insensitive, harsh, no filter.
I've never had to worry about impressing parents before, they've always loved me right away. Can I get any advice on this? What I should wear? Should I bring a gift? Compliment their home? Any and all advice is appreciated, I'm so fucking scared

No. 346407

That's exactly why it makes me so upset. Especially when I searched up the shows he watched and each one was full of naked women. It's supposedly for the story but in the end it's just fan service for men.

I think the main reason it hurts me so much is that I avoided watching/reading romance I liked because he said that it makes him feel jealous. Then I find out that every show he watches has naked women and sex scenes, while I was afraid to watch two men fuck. I feel like an idiot because I thought he was avoiding stuff like that too. So now I am trying to get revenge by watching shows with big dicks, but he doesn't even care.

No. 346413

Maybe he is just desensitized to seeing it, because female nudity is so ubiquitous even if you aren't looking for it? I dunno, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him instead of just assuming ill intent. And if you ask him to stop and he doesn't then he is misogynistic as fuck and you should drop him.

No. 346414

Sounds like your boyfriend is the mature one and perhaps needs better than you, a nutcase who doesn't distinguish reality from fiction.(infighting)

No. 346415

Wear something in neutral colors if you want them to be timid/normal around you, too many colors can come across 'bold' and you seem quite shy/meek (not in a bad way) so wearing bold or bright colors with a shy/meek personality will come across uncomfortable or too shy. Wearing neutrals (navy, browns, black, whites and beiges) will help tone down the conversation.(I studied a lot of color theory and conversations)
Depending on what they like, you can buy a plant (not flowers, if they're judgey, they might value the price of the boquet rather than idea/thought of it), or some kind of sweet that they like. Plants are great because they give them the chance to grow and tend to it, think of it as tending to your relationship. Go with something leafy, treeish.
When you meet them, be VERY friendly and open, big smile and go in for a hug if your spouse does it, the more welcoming you are, the more accepting theyll be, even if caught off guard- just be warm, big smile and "Hi! NAME has talked so much about you! Its such a pleasure, how was the ride coming over?" Or discuss how the ride was easy coming over (even if it wasnt, do not make this a nusicience). When in doubt, remember to ask HOW, WHY, WHAT, WHEN.. if you can ask questions using those 4, the conversation will always flow. Hope that helps.

No. 346416

The man who doesn't want his gf to read or watch romantic content is the one "who distinguishes reality from fiction" rrrrriiiiiight

No. 346418

low effort bait.

No. 346422

Don't listen to scrote replies. It's totally fine to be uncomfortable with your bf watching shows that are basically porn with a more elaborate story. I hate watching it just by myself, like the Witcher show for example. I am played the games and was interested in the story but it's basically just porn for moids with some fight scenes thrown in. Same with Game of Thrones. The only times they show male nudity is always for comedic effect and not meant to be sexy. I asked my bf not to watch stuff like that and when we watch movies together I check the parents guide first because I just feel super awkward sitting next to my bf while theres naked women on the screen meant to give him a boner while I'm sitting right there next to him. It's cucked as hell. Sadly women are told to just suck it up and deal with it nowadays instead of realizing this shit is entirely one sided and gross.

No. 346425

>her bf doesn't blush and cover his eyes whenever there's a sex scene on tv


No. 346433

Ask your bf what to bring, he knows his parents best. If he has no clue, a plant or a bottle of wine (assuming they drink) or a box of fancy chocolates always works. As for clothes, just something nice and casual you'd normally wear, unless you're meeting them during a family event like a birthday or going out for dinner. Complimenting their interior is a good idea. Good luck! And remember if they're nasty and judgey that's not your fault, they're just unpleasant people from the sounds of it.

No. 346455

Absolutely! I guess I’m looking for advice on how to do it gracefully. It’s going to be uncomfortable no matter what

No. 346474

Hey nonnies i need some advice, i have a boyfriend that i love very much and who is really nice to me (who i also find EXTREMELY attractive) but for a while i've wanting to start OF bc i'm not gonna be hot and young forever and i kinda need the money…

Well i don't really NEED it, but it would make my life so much easier, i don't really make a lot of money and with the crazy inflation my country is going through i can barely do anything with my money and i've been kinda depressed bc of it, i can't save any money, it's usually all gone within the first 2 weeks of the month but i can survive bc i live with my parents, but i wanted to be able to go out more with him and also my friends to fancy restaurants or cool clubs, to be able to buy cute things for myself or things that i actually need (like skincare products for example), to be able to travel which is something i love doing and that is great for my mental health but i haven't been able to do since the pandemic, to be able to buy good weed that we both smoke, and also so we could rent a place together so i could finally get out of my parents house and we could finally be happy together, but usually with the money i earn rn that's not possible at all, every month i have to choose only one of those things to do, there are months that i barely get out of the house and i'm starting to fear that i'm wasting my 20's.

For example, this month i went out 2 times to eat with him and one time with a friend, got coffee at uni 3 times (i wanted to have it everyday bc it really helps me and it's just coffee ffs but i can't even have that), got some disposable pods and bought a face soap and that was it, money all gone.

I wanted the money not just for myself but for our relationship as well, so we could do more fun things together, i told him all of this already but he says he doesn't feel comfortable with me doing OF, he thins it's cheating even though i explained that it would be just work for me and that i wouldn't post nudes or anything like that with just maybe the ocasional titty flashing , we fought so much about it i kinda just gave up but ever since then i've had this thought in the back of my head about how much better my life would be, and how much happier i would be with a lit bit of extra cash, and then something weird started happening, before i could only picture my future with him in it, both of us with an enormous house on the country side and lots of animals, but now i can only picture myself alone traveling the world and living the craziest life i possibly can and maybe one day when i'm old that countryside house.

Idk what's going on… I really need help, what should i do? I'm scared of not having him in my life forever bc we get along really well and i truly believe he is the love of my life, but i'm also really scared of wasting my entire life bc i have no money and can't do the things i love and want.

No. 346475

Same anon. Also getting a normal job is not possible since i'm a full time university student and also have ASD and ADHD so it's too overwhelming for me, i tried having a job and doing uni before and i flunked the whole semester and also got SA'd by a colleague, so i'm not doing that again.

No. 346479

what do you want us to say? Yas girl, go dump your sexy kind boyfriend to go be an internet whore? This has to be bait because it's just too stupid kek.

No. 346484

You're retarded

No. 346486

please do yourself a favor and do literally do ANY other job than OF.

No. 346491

First of all, you're not going to make any money off OF. Second, why the hell would you want to be a literal whore? Don't.

No. 346492

have you considered there are other internet jobs that dont involve whoring yourself? I also have ADHD and get some disposable income from a passive income job but I'm not going to spoonfeed you. use your ASD to get a special interest in getting a job kek

No. 346497

OF is a pyramid scheme and you are a retard.

No. 346503

This is bait. No one would think they could do onlyfans while living with their parents to literally buy SKINCARE and cute stuff. No one this dumb is gonna be able to study in uni like OP claims to be doing so.
Even if someone's thinking of onlyfans, they should realize that it's hard as fuck to get wellknown enough to even make minwage-tier income.

No. 346536

this is good advice

No. 346539

Geez i was just asking for some advice no need to be this rude
Actually I have a friend that does OF and she gets pretty good money and she started when i told her that i was thinking about it and she's not wellknown at all. Also am i a whore for posting bikini pics on ig where people can see it for free?! I'd be doing basically the same thing but charging for it.
And in case you didn't read it's not just for "skincare and cute things", it's for traveling, going out and also moving out of my parents, basically get a decent life. And also I'm top my class.

But idek why i asked you're all obviously just dumb and prejudiced and think everyone lives in America and have your ridiculous easy lives.

No. 346549

Anyone who considers skincare, by your own words, a need lives anything but a difficult life. Stop backtracking and pretending you're a third worlder in poverty, you're clearly not kek

No. 346552

didn't say i was poor, but i do live in a third world country and opportunities here are scarce, and sorry for needing skincare cause i've started to have really bad acne that fucking hurts and wanting to get rid of it, you're obviously way dumber and more retarded than i previously anticipated, get off your high horse and get a grip

No. 346553

third worlder here, wasting 3 times your money on coffee is pretty fucking retarded. if your country current economic situation is bad, then you can guess all middle class young women like you have saturated the e-whoring market, you won't make shit. at most you could buy other 3 coffees KEK.

No. 346556

coffee is not expensive?! and it seems your retarded asses can't read or something, my friend makes pretty good money and she only has like 7 subscribers… i'm not looking to become the next belle delphine just some extra cash, and converting even small amounts of dollars to my currency is pretty good money

No. 346560

are you argentinian? then it explains all of this retardation. almost every argentinian woman i know is e-whoring herself lmao, you get fucking spammed with cafecito and OF promos just by opening instagram or facebook. good luck trying to get your instagram baddie lifestyle by selling yourself.

No. 346561

Ntayrt but seeing as you aren’t actually looking for advice and opinions despite asking for them, I’ll just tell you what you want to hear. Yas girl, dump your sexy kind boyfriend to go be an internet whore.

No. 346562

You asked for opinions here and got everyone in agreement saying why it's retarded and you shouldn't do it, and now you're just arguing with everyone about why it actually is a good idea and they're the retarded ones
Why do you want advice from a bunch of retards you don't agree with? Go slut it up, make mediocre money for a year before that dries up, and then you won't have a loving bf or your dignity either. Is that what you wanted to hear?

No. 346571

It's funny how you accuse Americans of living a ridiculously easy life but all the things you mentioned you want to do with the OF money you think you're gonna earn are luxury goods and activities that normal American teens/students pay for by working a shitty part time job. You're not exactly hustling to make ends meet. You must not be the smartest to not see the hypocrisy here.

Anyway have fun whoring yourself out for 1 subscriber I guess.(infighting)

No. 346574

at least you can get a shitty part time job, i can't get that, part time jobs aren't a thing in my country, it's either a shitty full time (that's also really hard to get) where in top of that your boss makes you work extra hours without paying you or jobless, so yes, your ridiculous easy lives and ignorance about other countries

No. 346575

I didn't ask for opinions, i asked for advice because i thought this was an advice thread, not to be called retarded, what is wrong with just saying "i don't think this a good idea"? And i'm also not trying to convince anyone that this is a good idea bc i'm not even sure myself, i'm just saying that the "you're not gonna make money" comments are not valid bc i know for a fact this isn't true, i guess i was wanting some advice on how to cope with it, or how to get that off my mind, or how i could make money another way and still keep my boyfriend, ya know actual advice, but of course that was before i knew you were all yourselves a bunch of whores, now that i know i don't want anything from any of you other than just state how wrong and dumb y'all are(baiting/infighting)

No. 346577

No. 346580

>wants to be a whore
>"n-no you are the whores"

No. 346586

Here's your future fan base, enjoy getting called a hole https://boards.4chan.org/hc/thread/2330690

No. 346591

Why is your main argument that she "won't make money"? Are you assuming that she's ugly? Are you jealous?(bait)

No. 346673

I've been dating a new guy now for awhile and I still can't help but feel insecure.
Previously I have always "dated down" (Less attractive men) so I was used to being the better looking one in the relationship. My new boyfriend is REALLY good looking. Like, REALLYYYY good looking. I feel strange standing next to him and being the same/maybe even slightly less attractive than he is. Part of me wants to self sabotage the relationship but that would be so stupid; he's the best guy I have ever dated. I feel a lot of pressure to look "my best" when we're together- doing full makeup and dressing as nice as possible. I don't know if I'll ever be able to be "ugly" around him (messy hair and sweatpants) which concerns me when we eventually move in together. Idk what advice I'm even asking for. I know I am pretty, but I'm not used to being with someone so handsome because of my low self-esteem. Realistically I know that I'm "good enough" for him - but I still can't help but feel inferior.

No. 346681

Anon I'm sure you're very pretty even with messy hair or home wear, when you move in you can just get cute pijamas and itll all be solved. He loves you and I'm sure he'd think you're cute in a messy bun as well.

No. 346682

Pretty girls don't need make-up or perfect hair to be pretty, like you're probably naturally pretty and can't see it because you're your own worst judge. We can't fix your self-esteem for you though, that's something you've got to regain and rebuilt by yourself and maybe existing as your natural, messy self around him will help convince you that all is okay.

No. 346694

this whole post + replies reek of bait but girlie, you have a boyfriend you go out with and you still have to pay for your meals? he expects you to pay the rent for the both of you if you move in with him? wtf does he even do for you. dump his ass! but don't do OF. shit's a scam and 99.9% of the women there don't make shit. your friend just wants royalties from referring people (that's where the real OF money is, hence the pyramid scheme)

No. 346724

Are you a tranny? Why do you type like that?

No. 347082

File: 1693560311784.png (39.82 KB, 512x512, 9a0177f25fd515b4ef00e3c5f28bd6…)

Idk if this belongs here, I think I need more personal advice than perhaps relationship but I need to talk it out right now. It's about my first sexual intimacy experience, though no PiV sex was involved, i'm a virgin.

So last night a coworker and I got drunk. I found him funny and a little charming. He's pretty mid looking, and I mainly enjoyed how he looked in his uniform since it's more formal kind of wear. Anyways we went to a bar and started drinking and talking. The more drinks I had the more clingy I became and was holding his arms, hands let my legs rest over his. He clearly liked it though. We made it back to his hotel room and we kinda talked and cuddled, and picked me up jokingly, gave me a quick backrub and headrub. We went back out for a little bit walking around and came back to his hotel room.

At this point we talked a little more and cuddled and I gave him some quick pecks on the cheeks. Anyways we went to bed and I started dozing off and he started to rub my vagina over my pants. I didn't mind it too much it felt kinda good and then he started making his way to the front of my pants and told me to take them off. I told him I never done this before while he was putting his hand in my underwear and he said he knows. I took off my pants and then he slid off my underwear and he went down on me. Never had that done before and it didn't feel particularly good. He also wanted me to sit on his face and neither did that feel good. At some point I got down and I had fallen asleep. Sometime after I woke up and he was masturbating and using my hand, so I went along with it and tried to give him a handjob. BTW the entire time this was going on he kept asking if I was okay with what we were doing multiple times like almost every couple minutes. He rubbed me down there for a bit and then mentioned that I tasted good and I was good while I was rubbing him down there. At some point he started begging me to blow him and I told him idk it seems scary and he said it's not and stuck his thumb in my mouth. I then gave him head for a minute or two. It was interesting, not how I thought it would be but it wasn't horrible. Anyways he started rubbing himself and then we got more tired and just went to sleep. While all this was happening he kept saying he wanted me to cum but I just couldn't. He never came either.

In the morning I can't even remember if he started rubbing me again but I do remember rubbing his penis again for a little bit or that he'd put my hand on his balls while he rubbed himself off.

Idk how I feel about this experience. I'm in my mid to late 20s so I kinda figured I should at least try it out but I feel weird. I also don't know how I feel about the guy. He didn't seem as interested in me the next day than he did the day before. Wasn't very talkative but idk if it's cause he was majorly hungover. But he didn't even want to walk out of work together. He texted me back so I guess that's a good thing but still I don't think it'll end up as a real relationship, hes 14 years older than me and I'm not totally interested in having one right now. But I couldn't let go that he wasn't being as into me as before and I feel like I was kinda clingy with him today while at work.

I don't know what to feel right now. I kinda wish he didn't turn the the thing sexual (he mentioned before that he wouldn't) but I was giving him all the signals that I was into him so I don't think I can blame him. I wish I could have told him to stop the oral sex sooner or something. I didn't like it and even though he'd stop and ask me if I was okay with it I didn't want to be a buzz kill and kept saying I was okay. Idk if it's relevant or not but I work with different people every shift of my job, sometimes we can work with another person a couple times but for the most part I probably won't work with him for a while again. I'm also kinda worried he's gonna tell his buddies about this. I guess I have a lot of thoughts going on in me right now and I don't know how to process it.

No. 347112

How do you enter a relationship? How do you find someone who likes you, how does it happen, and how do you go on a date? Sorry for the noob questions but holy shit. It boggles my mind sometimes that there are people who have been on multiple dates, have had multiple bfs, when it seems impossible to even get one. Where do you even start? Do I really have to get a dating app? The idea scares me. I just want to have sex at least once in my life and know what it’s like to go on a date and share love with someone. Before someone asks no I’m not ugly. I think I look pretty normal. I just know some weirdo was gonna ask. And no my personality isn’t awful either, many people like to talk to me just not males and not in a way that incites a date. I’m at a loss of ideas and have literally nobody irl to ask.

No. 347114

>Do I really have to get a dating app?
This'll probablyy be an unpopular opinion itt but imo it might not be a bad idea to deliberately put yourself in that position where any contact from either side is solely for the purpose of dating if flirting and meeting guys doesn't come naturally to you irl.

No. 347116

Flirting is meant to come naturally…? Fuck. Also I meet guys irl at work for example but none of them like me, or see me as a coworker and acquaintance. The cuter the guy the less sociable he is, I find!

No. 347129

My boyfriend doesn't understand my loneliness.
We love each other alot, but he sometimes seems really detached from the reality of my issues. He grew up in a happy and stable home, I had a rocky childhood and because of it have a mental illness that isolates me from making and keeping friends, but doesn't affect my romantic relationships too much.

Anyways, I am at my wits end of loneliness. I have no friends to hang out with, I don't get invited to anything and I never have any weekend or evening plans. He is very charming and has plenty of friends that invite him to stuff multiple times a week.

I'm scared it's making me resent him, that I sit at home crying and feeling awful, and he doesn't even text me any updates when he is out doing stuff (long story short; its events he cant bring me along to). I'm so lonely and I just spend every night staring at my computer in silence and wishing I was drinking right now.

How do I even bring this up with him? That I don't want his pity, but I do want him to try to actively plan more stuff with me in the evenings too and atleast check in on me and send me updates?

Also please do reality check me nonas, am I just being crazy and its not his problem at all to deal with?
Idk I'm in therapy and doing everyting I can, I don't want to make him believe I want him to baby me or that my own diagnosis is his problem to deal with.

No. 347131

I feel you so fucking much anon, I am in the same boat as you, I have no idea how people get attracted to each other, even having a crush on someone is a very alien situation to me. This is why I don't hate the asexual/aromantic labels as much as other people here because I find them relatable.

No. 347132

My ex was like that, we just broke up. He didn't get my issues, I resented him for having it a lot better than me. I'm not saying it can't work but it sucks having your problems swept under the rug because poor baby had it too good to sympathize. At the very least he should have empathy and snap you more during outings with friends or something.

No. 347135

What are some lesser known but widely common manipulation tactics?
The ones I can think of off the bat are
Basically accusing you of cheating constantly for no apparent reason to keep you on your backfoot, will typically use it in order to isolate you or keep you from doing things you like. Had a moid constantly backfoot me for having a job because "i didn't tell him about it until the day I got it" even though he would constantly ghost me half the week basically then would claim things like me getting sick, not responding within the half hour, etc are all just me cheating. Even expected me to literally pull over and text him back right then and there because the extra minute or so driving is apparently me cheating,"but not REALLY like that" even though that's clearly the only way to avoid conflict

>The fake "angel ex"

Exaggerates if not straight up makes up traits about some ex in order to neg you to make you feel like he's settling. Same ex as before would constantly praise the supposed angel ex for being a super hot Asian volleyball player with big tits or something then compare her to me in order to bring down my self esteem, would especially do this when im having an insecure moment. Of course "he never really means it like that" ofc. Would always brag about how submissive and kinky she was likely to try to get me to do the same. Sometimes they'll accompany the bragging by claiming "but your personality is twice as better!" or some shit like that to further manipulate. I actually ended up meeting his ex after the break up and she was nothing like he described and apparently had a habit of using the same exact manipulation tactics on other girls. This dude was basically a walking textbook of manipulation. Would also pull the thing of leading on other women then when the other woman would comply he would screenshot it and back off to send to other women to show off how many women he could get or something and how totally creepy she was being when in reality he was leading her on and begging for weeks kek

No. 347138

It's interesting because we are in the same boat yet aren't, I do get crushes sometimes but beyond that have no idea how to proceed. Act friendly/act normal/act nice/helpful/ignore them/act the same as before, it all leads to the same conclusion: nothing. You're probably better off not being weighed down by crushes, I wish that side effect of my meds didn't wear off over time.

No. 347146

not sure what you'd call this but picking an argument "need to be left alone" shortly after. Crazy-making, gaslighting, and a free way to get you to leave so they can cheat while making it look like your fault all at once

No. 347160

I had my second job interview ever today. I asked my fiance to go with me because I was extremely, extremely, nervous but also because I knew the commute would be shitty (driving during peak rush hour at the start of a three day weekend) and I wanted to take the carpool lane. He refused to go with me because he wanted to have a chill day, finish homework due on Sunday, play games, do hobbies etc. What bothered me was the fact that he was off yesterday and today, and also has tomorrow and Sunday off. So it's not like I would've been robbing him of his only day to relax. Just seems kinda lame to me

No. 347162

what a loser man. hope the interview went well, good luck.

No. 347169

I don't know about the carpooling part because I don't know what your traffic looks like and I'm not familiar with those lanes but ngl I don't think he's wrong for not wanting to give up his free day because you're ultra nervous for an interview.. that's something you need to (learn to) do on your own as an adult imo.

No. 347170

She should be able to do these things on her own, sure. But at the same time why plan to marry someone who can't go out of their way to support you? She by default emotionally supports him in so many ways but he can't be bothered to do the same because he wants to play games. People aren't an island, and it's okay for her to ask for help

No. 347190

Not to sound crazy but it wouldn't surprise me if he ended up being emotionally abusive and depraving her until she became emotionally dependent on him just to abandon her, which would explain why she isn't able to go to job interviews by herself

Moids who date extremely co dependent women are never good news, maybe (and hopefully) it's just a long shot, but from what I've seen women who are too afraid of basic things are typically being abused by their partners

No. 347196

Stop gaslighting her lmfao. Its not "extremely co-dependent" to ask your bf to drive you to a job interview that you are very nervous for. That's normal.

No. 347202

It wasn't just the matter of driving her, she mentioned it was her second job interview ever which either indicates anon is way too young (likely with a predatory man) or her bf previously has a history of manipulating her out of working. The job interview sucks and yeah it's nice to have moral support but it being a huge thing to you that you need to post on lolcow asking for advice? Most anons agreed he already seemed douchey do you think he's an angel enough to be given the benefit of the doubt?

No. 347206

She said he's doing homework, they're both young but he should've cared for her when she was anxious. My friends still got their friends/family to drive them to important occasions like exams or job interviews that they wouldnt wanna be late for so maybe im biased, idk.

No. 347208

Thanks for all of your responses nonas. I slept on it and I still think it was a dick move on his part, but overall not a huge deal. Just needed to vent about it after a long day.

I'm a former agoraphobic and couldn't leave my house for many years. Because of that I wasn't able to drive, go to school, or get a job. However, I graduated college recently and started job hunting, hence why I was terrified about the interview (and the SoCal traffic too, tbh).

Looking at it from the perspective of self-growth, I think it's good he didn't go with me, but practicality-wise, it took me a little over two hours to drive the 40 miles back home which sucked fucking ass

Petty shit aside though I think I did alright in the interview. Fingers crossed.

No. 347218

I want advice on how to handle something that I'm upset about with my fiancé. He's away for the weekend for a trip he and his old college friends plan every year. That's not the problem here. The problem is that there were men working on our house while I'm there home alone. I have made it very clear that I will always be uncomfortable with any male professional working in our house while I'm there so they need to be planned around my schedule. Our house needed a lot of fixing up this year and too many times, he planned plumbers or repairs on days I work from home even though I tell him and he sees how anxious, sad, and annoyed I am about it. He works from home every day while I only work from home two days a week, which he knows so he can easily plan them to come on my in-office days, but he consistently doesn't.
So I was already upset about the work being done while I'm home again let alone on the weekend while he's away and I was hoping the workers didn't need to be inside, but turns out they did. I got off my WFH schedule early that day, but I didn't leave my home office at all unless they needed to speak to me so I couldn't relax or enjoy my early day at all. I messaged him that I was really upset about it and he did genuinely apologize and said he thought they would be done the day before he left for his trip. Then today, they came by to collect the payment which was over $10k USD. This came at a shock to me because fiancé told me he had informed them that he wouldn't be home and for them to come back when he is for the payment. Even though I can afford it just fine, he insisted on using his inheritance money to pay for the work done on the house so that's what we agreed on. I messaged him about them being here, but it took too long for him to respond and the guy collecting the payment was really pushy so I just paid instead. I know he can just pay me back easily, but I felt this was just an insult to injury about the whole situation. I feel like he doesn't take me seriously about how I feel being alone with strange men in the house. It's like in his mind they are just there to do their work and leave and that may be true a lot of times, but I don't like the risk. Plus, these men all knew I would be home alone since he had informed them before about it. He thinks something happened to me in my past or its just my anxiety, but I think I have genuine fears here.
So, I want to bring it up seriously to him when he comes back, but I don't know what he can do or say to fix it? Other than to say sorry and to really stop doing it in the future. I guess I feel like I want something impossible like to reverse time lol, but obviously that can't happen.

No. 347382

File: 1693830218488.jpg (82.6 KB, 640x640, ceca8306b7d70dcb11b5a35426a1cb…)

There's this girl I've known for the past 4 years (I'm 20, she's 19) and we dated briefly for a few months before I cut it off. We are great friends, we were really close from the beginning. We never argued nor had any problems and I ended the relationship because I was scared of losing her friendship if the relationship failed with drama. We continued being great friends and she clearly never lost interest. I had a few boyfriends (I'm bi, she's a lesbian) and she helped me through a bad breakup and supported me when I've seeked out guys to fill the post-breakup void. But after I broke up with this one guy she became really obvious in her affection towards me: saying "I love you" in a """totally platonic friends"" way, asking for kisses and holding hands, overall being very forward in her affection. I guess I've also felt something towards her. During this one party our friends asked me if I'm interested in someone and I've said yes, but didn't say who. After that when we were alone she asked who it is and I said it's her. She was very clearly happy and confessed that she never stopped loving me even after I broke up with her, but I still didn't want a relationship because I can see that it just won't work out with me and I'm scared of losing her, so I said that I can't. I have a boyfriend now, and when she found out, she told me that she needs to stop messaging me during the summer, so she can fall out of love. She said she doesn't want to be a creep who still has feelings for a girl who is taken and she cut off all contact for 3 months. Now with the new semester we are going to meet basically everyday in class. She acts pretty much the same now, but is a bit distant - like she doesn't know how to act around me. But she bought me a really nice expensive gift for my birthday. I think her plan to cut off contact for a few months didn't exactly work and she still has feelings for me. What should I do? Did I fuck up our friendship by being afraid of fucking it up?

No. 347385

Don't ask him again, he's not listening/not hearing you. You've already asked him and he has ignored you multiple times so that's just beating your head against a wall. You should probably tell him you really didn't appreciate that whole situation and him ignoring what you said. Set the boundary more concretely. Tell him that the next time he does that you won't answer the door or let the men in, that you won't even speak to them except to tell them to get the fuck out. Then follow through even if it fucks up repairs on the house. You're reasonably tired of having to go through the stress and anxiety of something that's easily avoidable. The house isn't open for repairs on days you work from home.

No. 347405

So what you're saying is you like her so much that you cucked her?

No. 347411

I hope she manages to get away from you and find someone who can actually treat her like a person.

No. 347423

My grandfather died and now I live on my own. My parents live on the opposite end of the city. They're getting old. No siblings. Friends are fickle, they come and go, and in the end of the day I still come back to my empty apartment. I don't want to end up alone.
I've been thinking, maybe I should have a child. Turkey baster, a gay moid obsessed with his legacy (I would rather kms than have sex with a man, or at all; being a sex-repulsed asexual sucks). It could work.
On a scale from 0 to 10, how dumb is this idea? I don't have a choice, do I? It's either loneliness or this.

No. 347424

are you prepared to raise a kid? doesn't sound like it. mothers still experience loneliness and motherhood is also isolating without support. figure out how to cope with your loneliness without dragging a new person into it.

No. 347426

Parents told me they'd help. Mom would move in with me so that I could keep working.
>cope with your loneliness without dragging a new person into it.
This statement makes no sense. By definition, other people are the only cure against loneliness.

No. 347428

Kids wont fix your loneliness.

No. 347431

Why are you so sure about that?

No. 347432

why don't you just adopt a dog or something

No. 347434

Dogs can't speak.

No. 347538

nta but why don't you get a roommate?

No. 347562

That's… a good idea. I've got no clue whatsoever where to begin looking for a room mate and how to avoid getting scammed, but living with a friend sounds great.

No. 347565

Doing a little reset and going the non-modern route of not living with my boyfriend until after marriage. Have any other nonas attempted to set this boundary? I've been doing some research and the reason why I've been so frustrated at men in my relationships for missing out on marrying me and taking forever and never improving was because us living together was basically it. There's no drive for self improvement when your "future wife" is already there living with you. I remember my ex just going "I guess it's time we propose, almost 7 years into our relationship. Now I just have such high expectations for the next guy if we live together. I need to take a step back and take in the novelty of dating and having a man hold responsibility of plans we make and actually commit to marrying me so we can live together. Convenience for financial reasons, I'm taking a risk and throwing that convenience out the window. Marriage is huge, or in my eyes it should be. Allowing some man I've dated for 3 months to live with me shouldn't be the way to go. The sex won't be so accessible either until we're married too, so that means he'll have to fight temptations and stay faithful. I feel like a tradcath lmao, but it honestly seems like the best way to go about my relationship. I saw a trend of "Living Apart Together" and everything just pointed in the direct of how things used to be.

No. 347569

I mean, a man who is sincere and truly loves you won't take you for granted whether you move in together 3 months from now, or whether you wait for 3 years. You seem to be under the assumption that you made a "mistake" that made your exes act a certain way, and that is wrong. I mean, you can do what you want, but it would suck to get married and then find out that your now husband takes you for granted after all of that and won't do chores and expects duty sex from you. Having a guy move in earlier is like a "test run" so to speak, if he can't measure up then don't bother staying with him.

No. 347572

My boyfriend suggested we move in together before or after Christmas and my heart started beating really fast. I really enjoy living alone and having my own space. I would totally love for the concept of not living together until marriage comes back, but with the housing situation that seems bleak.

No. 347578

I think this is a terrible idea. You absolutely need to live with someone to get to know them fully and waiting until after marriage sounds like a disaster. You also shouldn't want a man to marry you just so you can live together, but because he truly loves you and wants to spend the rest of your life together. It seems a bit like you are desperate to get married and think this will speed up the process, but this is how you end up married to someone you can't stand living together with.

No. 347595

I don't want to view a relationship like a car. This is another person. And it's not like I don't know how someone lives before I live in with them. I could do sleepovers I can chill out at someone's house for a few hours at a time. I'm not in an intimate relationship with my best friend, but I know of some of the flaws in her marriage and how she's living (I think she's overworking herself a bit and I'm able to see her husband's Internet footprint due to his terrible OPSEC) but it really shouldn't take someone to move in with you after marriage to understand them. You can go into someone's house often and see how often and thorough they clean.
A lot of the stuff that really pushed me away from my ex of 7 years was stuff I found online months after I moved states away. It really doesn't have to be found when you're spending a 24/7 life with them. It just takes some OSINT knowledge, but I guess that's just me.

No. 347691

File: 1694057634943.jpeg (204.42 KB, 750x736, 20190225_155227_IMG_1506.jpeg)

My girlfriend leaves her shit everywhere; clothes on the floor, food wrappers, soda cans, her hobby paints and miscellaneous craft stuff take up half the bedroom, etc. etc. And because of it I end up stepping on stuff and then have to move it out of the way which makes her angry because according to her it’s an “organized mess”. I need to watch where I’m walking and leave things as they are because when something goes missing it’s apparently always my fault. I’m sick of being blamed for her losing and not being able to find things all the time when she makes no effort to organize anything. I’ve asked kindly in the past and have offered help but she keeps saying she’ll do it when she feels like it. I hate coming home and not being able to set my stuff down because the counter is covered in her shit and then I have to watch where I’m going so I don’t step on some small DIY project she left in the middle of the room. I obviously don’t want to break up but I’m about ready to lose it.

No. 347715

Could you ask her to use another room for her projects? I think that could solve your issues?

No. 347724

She needs to show some respect for your shared space. Once you move in together, you have to maintain a level of cleanliness and organisation that is far above "organised mess" (which doesn't exist anyway, it's just copium for messy people). Shit like food wrappers, soda cans and clothes is especially unacceptable. Presuming you split the rent, you have every right to expect her to pull her weight and pick up her shit. Stop asking kindly and tell her to get a move on and clean tf up. I know this sounds mean, but I 100% believe that a clean environment is conducive to a clean mind. I've had messy exes in the past and it tanked my mental health; don't let it affect your mental health and downtime either, nona.

No. 347740

>A lot of the stuff that really pushed me away from my ex of 7 years was stuff I found online months after I moved states away. It really doesn't have to be found when you're spending a 24/7 life with them. It just takes some OSINT knowledge
Now I'm curious. What happened?

No. 347772

What’s your assessment on a married man who is trying to get with you, but he’s “a man of few words” and “not that talkative”? There’s no way he’s actually interested and NOT just collecting nudes for fap fodder, right?

No. 347773

he wants to pump and dump, or keep you around to fuck but give you 0 expectations of any kind of bonding since he won't communicate with you. he is just trying to get his rocks off with minimal effort.

No. 347774

We live 1,000 miles apart, so can’t actually do anything physical, but that’s pretty much the same feelings I’ve been having. He’s pursued me for a long time. He says he can’t do anything (about leaving his marriage) until the middle of next year, but last year, he said he was working on leaving then too. I cut him off back then and we haven’t talked for months until last week.

No. 347819

Don't pursue married men, nona. You should know better by now. Especially a "man of few words" who is most likely using that to cover all the shit he's done/into. He will never leave the marriage and is using you as a side piece to talk to, so just ignore and move on with your life.

No. 347838

I know it. I broke it off today. Forever, hopefully. I wouldn’t be able to trust him anyway if he did leave her and started a relationship with me. He’s always been kind to me, but I shouldn’t have been fooled by the bare minimum.

No. 347927

Not about a bf but my crush

I was eating some food one of my coworkers brought and said it was really yummy and delicious and generally complimented it. One of my other coworkers tells me he tastes like that too and giggles. They all giggle and he kinda quiets down and smiled a bit sorta looking at me quizzing for my reaction or something. I was just confused about why she said that about him to me. I thought that it means maybe he likes me, like they were trying to embarrass/help him like some friends do. But I told my mom and she said it means that she literally already “tasted him” and was trying to warn me about him? I’m so confused.

No. 347928

Your mom is right. He wasn't 'quizzing' you, she was making a joke because she's probably pursued him or had sex with him

No. 347954

Yeah she's sucked him off before

No. 347970

Really??? It seemed like a “if you liked that you should try him” but not bc she literally did that more like trying to help him by getting me to think about him like she must have noticed him. Like just before that he was “joking” about spanking me so maybe it was obvious.

Also why did he still ask me out after? Shouldn’t he have been embarrassed

No. 347978

damn anon, what kind of place do you work?

No. 348008

nayrt but he’s probably just slutty and shameless about it. also convos like that and relationships at work are a big no, why are you setting yourself up like this nona

No. 348017

I found his twitter accounts dedicated to his out of control porn consumption detailing fetishes he reached towards because "vanilla" stuff eventually wasn't enough. upon that, found the email account attached to that which revealed the OF account he had to subscribe to multiple women, the porn items (videos and pictures) he purchased from various models websites. the chaturbate account he had with the full history of all his chatlogs because they're attached to donations.
i presented all of this to my ex and my simple question was how much money did he spend on this addiction that ended this relationship with a future in mind. a few days later he said he could only add up funds from the past three years and got $4.5k. so each year, he spent approximately $1.5k on porn in some way. and behind all of that were so many instances where we had double digit dollars to our name every couple months. imagine the struggle we could've avoided if he didn't view women as purely sex objects.

No. 348034

Jesus how did you even find something like that nona? Tell me your ways so I know when to avoid a moid in the future before I get too attached.

No. 348167

File: 1694397109093.jpeg (102.39 KB, 754x595, 5A682DA3-036F-49B5-AAB8-3E6D13…)

Hi nonnies, I really need some advice regarding my long term bf because I’m really struggling right now. We’ve been together 7 years since high school and been through a lot. As time has passed I’ve become more and more anxious and him more avoidant. It feels so one sided in terms of effort, to the point where it makes me question if he even thinks anything of me. I almost feel like I’m begging for attention or connection but when I bring up any problems it just makes him want to distance from me more. Then I feel shitty because it’s like I’m the only one having problems or that I’m too needy. So then I try to just keep it in until it becomes too much, rinse and repeat. It’s unhealthy, but I can only try so much on my end and not get anything back. I’ve really been considering breaking things off, but there’s so much between us and so much we’ve been through. Not to mention he’s one the only people to truly understand and not judge my neuroticism. I guess all in all I wanted to ask if any of you nonnies have dealt with a similar dynamic and general advice on how to handle it. Thank you for reading

No. 348170

I broke up with my highschool boyfriend when I was 23 we got together when I was 15. You have to realise this is your life and you can love and care for someone and realise you both don't work together long term. It was sad when I first broke up with my ex but if you keep yourself busy you'll start to enjoy your freedom. Don't feel tethered to someone because of history. The history never goes away you can always reflect on that time without getting sucked into negative feelings. You don't want to be with someone forever that avoids you when you're upset. You want someone that as you say makes a team effort and communicates.

No. 348171

>You don't want to be with someone forever that avoids you when you're upset. You want someone that as you say makes a team effort and communicates.
nta but i needed to hear this, thank you

No. 348208

do you two live together?

No. 348245

File: 1694467095771.png (596.47 KB, 700x700, image_2023-09-11_232041481.png)

hi nonnies, i'm in a situation, and too much of a turboautist to understand how badly i fucked up by myself

>two highschool friends of mine were dating back in 2019, when we were 15~16 y.o

>their relationship went terribly and lasted 2 months
>ex-gf is kind of a bpdchan, ended up cheating on him and almost choked him to death, for some reason
>needless to say they broke up
>though they've both dated multiple other people after their break up, she did NOT move on
>fast foward a almost 4 years, he and i start dating, everything is going great
>but we're still hiding our relationship from the friend group and her
>though she's had her suspicions, she full on finds out when my bf accidentally calls me a pet name during a game night discord call
>and now she's freaking out

we've helped each other through a lot, though i've distanced myself, so i feel like i owe her
one the other hand, she's the only one responsible for fucking up her ex-relationship
i didn't think she would be so upset over an old tween relationship, but as i've mentionned she's kind of a bpdchan and i'm worried she might hurt herself over this
i don't know whether i should feel guilty or not, did i break some sort of girl code, nonnies???? how badly did i fuck up??? how should i react?????

No. 348307

I can't shake the profound emptiness I feel when I'm in a long term relationship. When I'm single, while I'm lonely and seek companionship, I don't get this big, indescribable empty feeling I do when I'm with someone. I chalked it up to most of my relationships being unstable to downright abusive, but the last few relationships I've had have been….fine. There's minor things that would annoy me about them but I just get bored of them. I have little interest in spending most of my time with someone, I like affection and I love sex, but long-term companionship just always seems nicer in my head than it does in reality. I'm in a relationship at the moment with a man who's lovely. He's sweet, caring, attentive, pretty much what you'd want out of a partner. We've been friends for years, I didn't go into this blind. The first few months is always great, I have fun, I love being around them. Then as soon as the dust settles I just…..don't want to do it anymore. I figured if it happened with this boyfriend then that truly meant either I was gay (given I'm attracted to women as well but haven't dated one long term) or I'm just not a person made for long term relationships. I don't really know where to go from here. I just feel unfulfilled and empty. Have any nonnies encountered a similar feeling?

No. 348313

Hiding a relationship with the ex of a friend who you are actively in a friend group with and have game night of discord with both parties is really rude. Poor girl got betrayed by people she probably considers her closest. Even if it was in the past, you both knew it would have been fair to tell her.

Maybe next time dont sneak around being teehee secrit relationship around your partners exes for the thrill

No. 348316

>I have little interest in spending most of my time with someone
>feel unfulfilled and empty
A couple of thoughts. What part of your life do you expect a partner to fill? I think we are sold an idea that our partner is supposed to be everything for us, our lover, our best friend and surrogate family, when in reality relationships might work best if you both also work on maintaining your own independence. That could be having separate hobbies, separate friends, your own career aspirations and so on. If you are interested, I highly recommend the book “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel for more on this subject. Do you have a tendency to place a lot of hopes and expectations on your partner during the honeymoon phase, like your whole life is going to turn around now, then feel disappointed when things are kind of the same? You don’t say much about your personal situation, but I think if that’s the case then working on improving your own life and confidence before seeking out a long-term relationship can be beneficial.

No. 348317

sorry, I'll elaborate a little more on my personal situation. I'm in my late 20s and fairly unfulfilled, my job is just a pay-check. I could study but I want to save up and travel the world. The thing is, I actually really don't expect a partner to be anything for me other than a close friend I can fuck. I have friends, and I talk to them regularly, I live with my sister who's my best friend. I generally prefer hanging around women and I don't have male friends. A good career isn't a huge goal for me, I honestly just want to enjoy my life and fill it with memorable experiences, pursue my hobbies and see things.

No. 348320

Ayrt, thanks for filling me in a little bit more. Could it be the other way around where the moids you are dating are not on your level, and you find them under stimulating once the novelty wears off? If you have friends, interests, hobbies, like traveling and so on but your bf is boring as fuck then you’re still gonna feel like he’s depending on you for everything. Or maybe I’m completely off the mark here, I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong about not wanting a long-term relationship as long as you are content with it. If you are interested in dating more women then I don't see a problem with giving it a shot.

No. 348322

we did hide the relationship for other reasons, but you're right, even though we're not really friends anymore it would've only been fair to tell her at least. thanks for the advice nonnie, i'll come clean to her

No. 348324

Samefag adding to this >>348320 you could try applying some reverse psychology if you want to keep the spark. This is pick-up artist tier advice so I’m expecting some hate for what I’m about to say, but at the same time it’s normal human behavior. I’ve been dating my current bf for one year. We don’t live together yet but usually meet up a couple of times a week and during the weekends. I have both female and male friends (I don’t think having male friends is an issue as long as you don’t depend on them for meeting your emotional needs). Having male friends keeps him a bit on edge, but I’m careful about not over-stepping boundaries and make sure none of my male friends express sexual/romantic interest in me etc. I have activities I do with my bf, but we also have our separate interests. The slight distance between us keeps things from getting too boring and as a result sex is awesome. I’m wildly attracted to him because he is also independent from me with his own friends, hobbies, has an interesting career in which he excels, different skill sets from me, which in turn makes me respect him. I think it can be stimulating for the relationship to know your partner has other options, it makes him more attractive to you and vice versa. When we meet up it’s still exciting. At the same time, I have expectations for him; we hang out with his family frequently, he’s introduced me to his friends, invited me to work parties, we go on vacations together, he spends money on me, and there’s talk about moving together in the future, so I know he’s serious about the relationship. I think the challenge for us will be if we eventually move together, because right now the distance is what makes our relationship work so great. Ironically when we live together we will have to make an effort to create more distance between us, if we want things to stay hot. For this sort of arrangement to work out you both need to value your individuality and lean into the unknown a little. This could not have worked with my ex because he was very insecure, and I accommodated his insecurities way too much. As a result we were literally best friends, but there was no sexual spark. While I love my current bf he is not my best friend, because I have my girlfriends to fulfill my best friend needs, while he fulfills my bf needs kek.

No. 348337

>ended up cheating on him and almost choked him to death
What the fuck kek? No, you shouldn't feel bad for her. If she kills herself over a guy she dated for 2 months 4 years ago then that's her own problem, her being mentally insane has nothing to do with you. You don't have to disclose your relationship to anyone if you don't want to, especially if you've only been dating for a short while.

No. 348488

Virgin who had first sexual experience last night here. I feel weird about the whole thing. Maybe it has to do with my big age (turned 24 today). But really I don’t understand why or what’s bothering me

I even cried. I was fine on my way back home from the encounter even happy I think, then all of a sudden I get home and start feeling sad. I even brought it up to him, he felt really bad but in the end I couldn’t even tell him what I felt bad about. I ruined his night he couldn’t sleep and I feel guilty. I slept after crying and woke up feeling well but I feel it creeping back up.

I feel it’s my fault for accepting to cuddle. We planned it all day I was really looking forward to it. We checked into a motel, that was unexpected. I thought we were going to his house. But other than that brief moment I was fine and still excited. I just wanted to rub on him with our clothes on or at least my clothes on bc he said he wanted and I always wanted to do that and that’s as far as I felt ready to go. We were hugging and he was kissing me and I was kissing him back a bit. All closed mouth because I’ve never made out. Just long pecks on the lips. I was teasing him a bit. And asked to touch it. I did that for a second or two then stopped and he put his boxers back on and we started dry humping a bit. But then he started taking my shorts off I didn’t shave because I didn’t wanna have sex and thought it would put him off but it didn’t. He kept trying to put his finger in but I was wiggling a lot plus it was dry already at that point. He would tell me to stop and I was laughing. Idk why I guess because nervous but he took that to mean I was just messing around when I said no. Then he would say just the head and I said no but he kept trying to put it in. My shorts were off with me pulling them back up and him down but they were stuck like that bc we were pulling in opposite directions. Then he changed it to saying he would rub it between my legs but when I would let him to compromise, it seemed like he was starting to trying to put it in again. The lights were off. At some point he gave up and I told him I had to go but he said I needed to make him cum or he would get blue balls. So I did and I was happy about that bc I’d never done that and thought he wouldn’t bc of that whole thing that happened.

No. 348491

Anon… I'm so sorry but he sexually assaulted you. The moment you said no he should've stopped what he was doing. Going from never having french kissed before to having full on sex is moving crazy fast, especially if you weren't ready for any of this.
>I ruined his night he couldn’t sleep
Boohoo, poor guy couldn't sleep after he pressured a virgin into letting him put his dick in her. Never see this guy again, he's a rapist piece of shit.

No. 348493

No he actually didn’t get to because I kept moving and he gave up.

No. 348494

And he’s very sweet I think I confused him because I was sending out mixed signals I was saying no but laughing. He said he didn’t know I laughed when nervous which makes sense because it’s a weird reaction.

No. 348495

nta but saying no and pulling your pants up isn't a mixed signal, no is no. Sorry you had to go through this.

No. 348496

I'm sorry you went through that. He sexually assaulted you and if you feel bad please seek out an appointment with a therapist.

No. 348512

He is not respectful of you, please seriously consider not seeing him again.
>he said I needed to make him cum or he would get blue balls
This is not true, he's full of shit. Blue balls is not real. He's wheedling and deceitful and pushy. Keep your distance before you get seriously hurt. Listen to your feelings. Cuddling and kissing should make you feel happy and floaty afterwards, not conflicted and sad and guilty. This is his fault not yours.

No. 348657

How much should a spark or butterflies contribute do deciding on whether to see a guy after the first or second date? Usually after date no. 1-2 if I really like a guy I’m grinning and kicking my feet the whole drive home. I just went out with this guy who is my type completely on paper, but I didn’t feel any spark, I barely felt anything when he kissed me goodnight. I sometimes worry that I let good opportunities pass me by because I’m fixated on perfection and romance over connection and genuine interest.

No. 348662

Maybe you should just be friends with him

No. 348664

NTA but blue balls are definitely real, but it's not a woman's job to deal with it. His entitlement is off the charts

No. 348667

Am I still a virgin if he only ate me out?

No. 348669

Imo yeah kek you’re just an ~experienced virgin~ now. I hope it was enjoyable for you nonna!

No. 348670

My husband says blue balls is not real. There’s no situation where a man has to cum, it’s fake, boners go away and a man returns to his normal state if he doesn’t cum. Being mildly uncomfortable or sexually frustrated is not a serious condition. Men are such fucking whiners.

No. 348695

Men only get blue balls after a good kicking.

No. 348698

I promise you that even if you tell every responding anon right now that he's actually so sweet and nice and he was just confused and you don't want to upset him.. reality will hit you eventually and you'll despise this man one day for what you just described. Each sentence getting more and more disturbing and less and less credible for it to be a misunderstanding. Its not unusual to go into a crazy level of cope right afterwards esp when its a partner and you're new to sex but please take the responses on board and save yourself years of denial or any more assaults from this guy. There's no gray area in what you decribed, this was sexual assault that stopped JUST short of him raping you.

No. 348766

How do I get over a crush faster? I can't tell if I actually like this guy or if I'm just happy to have someone to talk to who can hold a conversation about the things I'm interested in and doesn't mind my weird habits. We both have ADHD so hanging out with him feels like looking into a mirror of my own brain. It's uncanny talking to a well-adjusted guy with a job who, just like me, gets fixated on weird shit, thinks extremely laterally, has a spotty memory, yet isn't a human dumpster fire like most other moids I know with ADHD. I really enjoy talking to him since I don't have to pretend to be normal or even male-socialized and conversations still flow naturally both IRL and over text, plus he's actually funny. However, I'm worried all that might be colouring my perception of him, as on the other hand he's just a nerdy dude of modest hotness who needs a shave and a better haircut. As far as moids in my disgustingly nerdy sphere of the world go that's a pretty high ranking, but we also see each other regularly in an academic context and he might be taken already so I need to extinguish whatever I'm feeling ASAP.

No. 348767

He sounds like he was legit trying to rape you. I'm sorry. I agree with others that you shouldn't ever see him again, he sounds creepy as shit. The hotel thing was the first red flag to me, that's bizarre to me and I don't know why at all you'd need to be checked into a hotel instead of at his home. He is a manipulative person, not just because of the blue balls lie which is shitty. I honestly feel angry reading this and in my opinion he deserves to die. The least you can do is never speak to him again.
You weren't sending out mixed signals, you were responding to the weird ass shit he put you through. Checking you into a hotel? Escalating from cuddling and kissing to trying to put his fingers inside of you, and then trying to put his penis inside of you? He's the one who doesn't understand signals. If a girl doesn't want a finger in her, what made him think she wants a penis inside of her after saying no several times? Guys pull that shit all the time where they think a girl's 'no' doesn't mean no because she wasn't also hitting him and screaming or something. Never see him again. The fact that you were clearly uncomfortable and you wanted to leave and he made you stay to make him cum is disgusting. It's almost making me seethe. Rapist behavior.

No. 348771

A friend’s mom once told me, no joke, to get over a crush on a dude? Picture him taking a shit, like really struggling on the toilet. 99.99999% of the time it works, because you immediately get the ick and cannot unsee the mental image kek.

No. 348775

I'll do her one better and tell her to imagine him hunched over at his computer desk jacking off to porn. Absolutely no salvaging him that way.

No. 348776

AYRT, fuck both of you a little but also thank you a lot because now I'm cringing too hard at the godawful mental imagery I've conjured up to continue pining.

No. 348784

I've been upset for days
I was dating my boyfriend for over a year now. He's been lying about his age. I'm 32 n he told me he was 27. He's 21
I feel stupid, and I got really attached to him and he's actually a good partner. wtf do I do now?

No. 348786

Are you IRL dating? If so, I mean…on the one hand it proves that younger dudes are not repulsed by women over 25. Still, if you want to continue being with him, I would try to really have some serious talks about why he felt the need to lie. The lying is the issue I assume, not the actual age?

No. 348787

Well I thought I would only like older guys. But yuh it's the lying. He was scared I would only see him as a kid if I knew his real age and I guess he was right.
He's the best bf I ever had, cooks, cleans, brings me snacks, financially responsible. I guess I was just shook and surprised?

No. 348790

My friend is married to a man 11 years her minor, so it's not too absurd to see this. Her husband just turned 21 too. He's genuinely good for a man. If he's good, he's good. It does suck he lied to you and I'm someone who'd also refuse to even attempt to date a guy that young as well, so I understand where both of you are coming from. Do talk to him and hopefully he does not lie to you like that again.

No. 348791

This is so based

No. 348792

this makes me feel a bit better

No. 348793

had a 2 year relationship with a man who was 20 when i was 26. an age gap of more than 10 years is pushing it, but i wouldn't be too concerned. just be prepared that he's going to change a lot throughout the years. young men do like older women, but they still got misogynistic ideas in their heads. mine broke up because he felt pressured to have kids in a few years with me, because he thought a pregnancy over the age of 30 is risky. really stupid

No. 348796

>I honestly feel angry reading this and in my opinion he deserves to die.
I had the same thought. Like what the fuck. Even if I liked a guy and wanted to touch his dick at first everything this guy did would make me want to kill him

No. 348825

Not looking for an advice but I've always been wondering… is it always necessarily good to change for someone because you care/love them? Is it really love if you have to change a fundamental aspect of yourself or lifestyle to make them love you?

No. 348832

No, that’s generally a bad thing. I guess if you’re like a really shitty person it would be a good thing though.

No. 348863

>Is it really love if you have to change a fundamental aspect of yourself or lifestyle to make them love you?
I think the better question to ask yourself is: assuming it is real love, is receiving this love valuable enough to sacrifice a fundemental aspect of me?

No. 348877

It depends on what kind of change it is.
Are you doing something this person is observing to you as self destructive? Is there truth to this statement of it being self destructive? Do you have an issue struggling with this fundamental aspect or lifestyle you live? Does this person really show they care about you? Reflect on if this change is something that will benefit you in the long run, if it's a yes, then I say go for it.

No. 348886

That only applies to men. Men should always change themselves to be more suitable partners for the woman they love, unless he's already perfect (impossible). If a man wants to change you, he doesn't love you, he just sees you as an object. If you change yourself to suit a man without him doing the same for you, you're a loser cuck.

No. 349005

I've been in a relationship for over 5 years now. We get along and we barely argue, even when do it's never a big fight. This is relevant because all my life all I've dealt with were fiery arguments with a lot of screaming, cussing and violence. My family is insane and full of alcoholics, my past relationships were equally broken, manipulative narcs with a ton of drama. So this current relationship feels like heaven, he respects me and supports even my most retarded obsessions. My only issue is that we haven't had sex in years, part of it is my fault, I was sexually assaulted in the past and sometimes just the thought of sex repulses me. He's always been supportive and understanding and never pushed anything, even if we don't have sex we are very affectionate, we hug, kiss and cuddle all the time. He's been sick and that drained any libido he had. I was understanding ofc, but it's been too long. I kept pushing this to side as if it wasn't an issue, but honestly the less I tried caring about it, the less I feel like having sex with him again. I'm afraid we got to a point we won't recover. I've been fantasizing about sex with other people and I feel awful, it's purely a fantasy because I know I would freeze if someone else touched me. In my head I feel safe to fantasize, but I've had sex enough times with enough people to know how I feel about the real thing. I would never cheat on him, I would rather end my relationship, but I would be lying if I said it hasn't been bothering me. I feel bad for complaining because he's been so understanding in the past. Just to be clear we had plenty of sex in the past and it was great, I feel good with his touch, which is something very rare for me, I'm usually pretty repulsed by people's touch, even friends and family.
I wonder if there is a chance we salvage this or if I'm just lying to myself. Even if he recovers and his libido comes back, I'm afraid it's been to long for me to get used to sex again. Part of me didn't care about not having sex, it felt safe even, but then another part of me started to fantasize. It grew slowly over time and now I realize it's way too frequent on my mind. I just want to know if there is hope. I can't talk about this to anyone and I feel insane and alone in this matter.

No. 349011

How long has he been sick? And do you not have any kind of sexual contact with each other (oral, using your hands, etc) or do you just not have PIV sex? And most importantly, have you tried talking to him about these things?
Don't feel alone, this is actually a pretty common issue in longterm relationships. Right now you two are basically friends that cuddle and kiss, but if you still love each other you can definitely reawaken the spark with some effort. The most important thing is to be open about how much this weighs on your mind, because even if he doesn't have a libido because of his illness, it doesn't mean that there aren't other ways to be intimate with you and make you feel good and desired.
>I feel bad for complaining because he's been so understanding in the past.
You aren't complaining, sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Going entire years without it is rough as hell. He sounds like a good guy, so I'm sure that if you talk to him about this he won't think you're annoying or naggy.

No. 349035

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. During that time, he's started getting fat. He's agreed to eat less/cut down on certain things like sugary drinks and work out more, but it's not really working. I don't think he realizes how disgusted I am by it, tbh. I expect men to at least be in decent shape - they have more testosterone, so they build muscle easily and have no excuse to be fat other than laziness. I don't know how to communicate this to him without hurting his feelings or making him mad at me. I've only brought it up with respect to his health but the truth is I'm really losing attraction to him. Should I wait for him to lose weight and be cute again, or cut my losses?

No. 349040

If you can, try to sit him down and in the most respectful way possible tell him you are not attracted to him this way. Yeah it might feel mean, but bottom tier men are cruel about women gaining ten pounds, if your dude is a level headed person he won’t get defensive and bawww about how you hurt his feelings. Frame it like that you want to be in a physical relationship with him but that his lack of regard for his appearance is a hindrance and that tbh it’s kind of disrespectful for him to not care whether you’re attracted to him physically/just expect you still will be. If he can’t wrap his head around that without being a baby, move on pal

No. 349045

maybe you could try dieting and exercising together. you've got nothing to lose

No. 349047

You need to be honest, if you don't address it you'll keep building resentment and it might spill into other areas of your relationship and cause a downwards spiral. Telling him you're no longer attracted to him is not a cruel personal attack but feedback for the betterment of your relationship. If he has a mature and healthy mindset he'll understand that despite the initial sting of the message.

No. 349050

Thank you, nonna. He has been sick for about 3 years. Started with headaches and escalated to a point his nose would bleed from them. I actually spoke to him about my frustration and he was really understanding, but there is nothing he can do right now. He's on a treatment with a strong medication that really fucks him up, he lost some nails and gained some weight, that really puts him down because he used to be active and in good shape, now he feels disgusted by himself and feels unwell. He feels no libido at all. We haven't done any form of sex. He is very affectionate and shows love and support in every way he can, every single day too. I would like to be by his side no matter what, he helped me a lot even back when we were just friends, so I'll be by his side even as a friend but I just fear I've been lying to myself that this is still a relationship, I wonder if this long hiatus will kill it and we'll be stuck in this limbo. I know many couples go through these kind of stuff, diseases happen and shit happens, but I'm extra worried because I'm already really problematic when it comes to sex due to my trauma, I fear I'll just never be able to do it again. It's probably a stupid thought, but it still worries me.

No. 349056

not strictly "relationship" advice but nonnas what advice would you give to someone who has not been in a committed relationship for +10 years but is hoping to enter one? I'm honestly so used to being single idk where to begin

No. 349064

I'm crushing hard on this discord friend I've had for about a year now. I've never felt attracted to a woman before, nor have I had any online crushes so it's all new to me. I don't know what she looks like… we're both adults and I know she's bi so I at least think I have a chance but there's been no indication she's into me too. What do

No. 349066

I like this older man at my work, he's in his early 50s and I am 23. We flirt quite a bit, I iniated. While we were chatting, he said "You should consider going out with me, I'd treat you like a woman. Not like all these boys you meet." (I had complained to him about 2 guys I used to see at the begininng of our work together, now I am not seeing them.) What exactly does he mean by "treat me like a woman"? I am young and quite bubbly/immature but I don't think he means it literally. (All i said back was "yeah? sounds tempting, I'd think about it" lol.)

No. 349069

stop listening to lana, block him on every platform and avoid him at all costs. you can't possibly have that little self-esteem.

No. 349077

File: 1694994150845.png (118.41 KB, 540x250, 34.png)

I'm in an online relationship and my boyfriend is pretty needy to the point of me needing to be in a discord call with him all day everyday (we both do online work) and it's causing me a lot of issues and I'm starting to resent him. He isn't forcing me but I don't know how to tell him I need alone time too. My posture, time with friends and everything has been ruined because I need to always talk to him. He wants me to move in with him soon but I'm afraid I won't get any space to myself. I really want to live alone for once but I don't know how to tell him and it would be a waste of money we could save together. I feel like I can't be a person myself and I'm starting to impulsively enjoy fictional characters to have some space to myself. I feel awful, like it's cheating or something but I can't have a self or anything of the sort. What do I do? I'm a complete pushover so it's hard for me to ask for space.

No. 349082

How very interesting and convenient he knows men your age are just "boys", but a woman your age isn't just a "girl". Maybe you should ask him to consider going out with a woman his own age? Get a grip and some self esteem.

No. 349083

Hi nonnie, ive been in ypur boyfriends situation before as someone whos been in LTRs and had to be long distance due to schooling. First things first: you need to decide if you have the patience for this kind of relationship, if you want to put in the work with him, great, but realize its not going to be easy, changing habits take work and his feelings might be sore.
Now if you decided to put in the work- take a pen and paper and outline boundaries and analyze your emotional needs: can you do a phone call in the morning and night to supplement? do you want a phone call a day? more texting? less contact? what is important to YOU right now? If he likes you- he will be hurt but understand meeting your emotional needs. Third, write down your non negotibles (no calling during work, if he misses you- look into things like snapchat where he can send photos or videos in the meantime, and you can view it at your own needs. Final step- text him or call him about the boundaries you've established and non negotibles, tell him how you feel about him and reassure him you don't love him any less- but its starting to impact your work performance and you understand his love language is time spent together, but you also need time to yourself to be a better and more active partner. And shut him down on living together soon- he will get excited and the longer time goes, the more you will deal with the dramatics (i know because ive been there as him) and what helped to come to a mutual understanding that you love him very much, but you are young and would like to grow together as indivuals and establish your own identity first before moving in together, he can still sleepover (if YOU would like) but you need your own space to grow and express yourself in. The best advice I had from my grandparents was never to move in together until you're engaged- sleeping over sure, but not moved in.

No. 349084

Cut off this prick, seriously. Older men are fucking weird and disgusting for going after you. They think you're impressionable and you will take them because you don't know any better.

No. 349085

Why the fuck are you flirting with an old ass scrote

No. 349087

Do not live with him! Your boundary is the healthier one. I get the financial savings, but he's way too clingy. He's only going to be more clingy when you live together. You can get separate apartments close by, but he needs to tend to his own place and learn to be by himself. Like other anon said, wait it out. I'm gonna go above grandparents advice and say wait until after marriage to move in, it'll be worth it for both of you, especially him and his individuality.

No. 349089

How did he get fat enough to change your attraction to him in just one year? Did he break his leg? Is it not much but 10 lbs makes a lot of difference on his frame or something? Was he already borderline fat and tipped over?

No. 349090

Tell him you need to concentrate on an important project and then severely restrict your communication with him for a couple weeks. No voice contact. If he blows up and has a shit fit or calls you mean names for “ignoring” him that will tell you a lot (that he’s too needy and an emotional vampire and doesn’t like you). If it goes fine and he respects your space and you’re able to concentrate and he’s just happy to hear from you when he can then that will be a good sign and show you that you can set a reasonable boundary and have respect for your own time. If you can’t do this then I recommend not living with him and breaking up with him because you will grow to resent him with every fiber of your being until you self-immolate from it.

No. 349100

Turn off your computer lol tell him you had a powr outage

No. 349105

It's just a thing old scrotes say to get younger women to consider touching their shriveled dicks. He's just saying shit to get to have sex with you. That kind of age gap is extremely concerning, and the two of you are on completely different stages of life experience and expectations from life. Consider why a man in his 50s would pursue a 20 year old? If it's in pursuit of a real connection, would he not be more likely to find a real connection with a peer? I know it feels nice to get attention, and I've also gotten flirty with older men when I was younger and my self esteem was low, but now I would never entertain it.

No. 349108

>I don't think he means it literally.
That was a feeler to test if you'd be open to dating him, phrased in a way that could be easily passed off as a joke if you had responded negatively. Don't be naive.

She's never going to learn to stand up for herself by using fake excuses. She needs to be honest and firm about her boundaries without trying to justify them to him.

No. 349122

Yeah. It sounds mean but her relationship is online only so if she’s giving up her time to him to such a degree that it’s affecting her life negatively then that’s her fault. Hang up on him. Don’t be a doormat. She has total control here but she’s not exercising it. She’s over extending herself needlessly, that’s a bad habit that will follow her through life.
I do wonder why doesn’t he have a life to keep him busy that he can be on the phone all day. Idk. I thought we didn’t take online relationship questions here.

No. 349123

I don’t want to be mean but, don’t be so naive. Unless he is the hottest old guy you’ve ever seen, don’t even flirt with him for fun. The power imbalance between a 50 year old and a 23 year old is insane, you’re setting yourself up for bad things. Take it from someone who was an idiot at your age and did briefly date a man nearly that old, there is ALWAYS something wrong with them when they go for you. If you were 28-30 with some more life experience I would say whatever, fuck him if you want to, but there is something very gross about a man who wants to get with someone less than half his age when he’s that old. Most 23 year old young women still look like teenagers. Also what the other anon said, interesting how he frames guys your age as “boys” but you’re old enough for someone like him? Nah. Doesn’t add up. Do NOT entertain the idea of sleeping with/going out with him. I wish you could post a pic of him so we could point out all his old man physical flaws kek

No. 349191

To add to this >>349122 because I don’t want to make you feel bad: I totally get it I was the same way. You know this is bad and it makes you feel bad and you can change it! An online relationship is a great change to practice NOT being a doormat. No real physical danger. Step out of your comfort zone and exercise autonomy! Say no sometimes! It will feel great, like a weight of your shoulders. Your relationship(s) will be happier from it!

No. 349276

I was in a relationship with a porn addict for a little over a year. After an extreme depression and suicidal thoughts, I dumped him.
Fast forward to now, I have been dating a different guy for about 5 months. He has a foot fetish, which I'm okay with, but it seems like he only wants my feet. When we have sex, there is no penetration and he can't stay hard inside me. We resort to getting each other off, he lazily fingers me for like 10 minutes and then he enjoys my feet until he gets off. I started getting suspicious, and this morning when I set an alarm on his phone before I went to work so he would get up, I decided to check his deleted photos. I found a picture of a girl's feet screenshotted from Instagram. I think he knows her in person, he follows her. I also found screenshots of a "Mistress T", pictures of her feet. I don't know how to bring this up to him without him knowing that I went through his phone. Should I just explain that I'm getting suspicious of him due to our shit sex life? I need help nonnas. I'm sitting at work and I can hardly focus on what I need to do because I'm overthinking this. He has been fantastic to me so far before this and I have established my anti-porn stance and have been very vocal about it. To my knowledge he doesn't watch porn, but now I'm nervous.

No. 349277

You don't need a reason for breaking up with someone, just do it.

No. 349278

I’m sorry nona but he’s a footfag and having fetishes like that where he can’t even get off to normal penetration is a clear sign he’s fucked. Objectifying a part of your body like that goes hand in hand with the kind of mindset of porn addicts.

No. 349287

I just started seeing this guy I have a lot of chemistry with, but we’re both pussies and neither of us want to make the first move. We went to a concert last night where we playfully shoved each other and grazed arms here and there but that’s it. I was trying to drop hints in my own retarded way like “haha my hands are sooo cold” or sitting in his car and going “hmm I don’t wanna go yet, let’s play one more song!!” It’s kind of sweet how shy and respectful he is but holy fuck. You could cut the tension with a fucking knife and it’s driving me insane. I’m pretty shy too, so asking him outright to hold my hand or kiss me or whatever is probably not gonna happen anytime soon. Next time we hang out I’m determined to make literally ANYTHING happen but I don’t know what to do. Help meeeee I’m about to implode

No. 349289

Your sex life is shit which is enough reason to end things. If he can’t stay hard inside you or get you off with enthusiasm some other way then literally what is the point of a sexual relationship? he’s just using you.
He is basically looking at porn because feet are pornographic to him which is why he seems so pornsick. Don’t feel bad for for a second that you looked in his phone.

No. 349290

I mean I like feet too but he sounds like hes selfish and deffs using you to fulfil his needs and doesnt care. Imagine him vs a man who loved and treated you well and wants you to be put first- he doesnt seem so great now, does he?

No. 349291

Do those men even exist? It feels hopeless at this point. He is inexperienced and a virgin, and has changed a lot over the past few months. I can see him growing as a person, but I feel like I can fix this habit by laying down my boundaries and telling him I will leave if it doesn't improve. He does enjoy making me feel good, but I think he is scared to use my vibrator on me and he is nervous about not doing it well. I don't want to give up on him just yet, I see the potential and I have already helped him grow so much. I love him and I have had a crush on him for about 2 years. My biggest issue here is I'm unsure how to bring it up to him without him knowing I went through his phone.

No. 349292

If a man is into anything other than vanilla sex he's a weird freak who's going to keep getting off to more hardcore fetishes. Don't even bother with scrotes like this.

No. 349297

You’re with another porn addict. Saving feet pics for his fetish is the same as any other dude saving porn to his devices. I know women always try too hard to get their bf to change so besides telling you to drop him and avoid future stress at least sit down and set real boundaries and have the self respect to leave when he breaks your trust. The fact he can’t have normal sex and fulfill you is a red flag too. You’ll be happier without him.

No. 349298

Yes they do exist but you won’t find them if you stay with this guy. You can’t fix him. A lover who doesn’t reciprocate doesn’t learn until you leave him.
It doesn’t matter that you looked at his phone, he broke your trust and you knew that at a gut level and simply confirmed it. I’ve said this here before but once you’re fucking someone and you’re in a long term relationship there is no such thing as privacy, you get to look at each others phones etc whenever you want. It’s so weird how this is not normalized. It’s like having a locked bookshelf in the house that your partner isn’t allowed to look at or know about. Weird.

No. 349299

I understand that you don't want to just leave but honestly you can find better sex and connection than him. Performing for a fetish you aren't interested in for a moid that is creepshotting other women is barely something to cling on to.

No. 349312

I’m sorry anon, this situation sucks. A lot of foot fetishist are miswired to the point they are completely dependent on their fetish to nut. It’s not the same thing as having a preference for tits or liking “kink”, it’s a paraphilia where they can only get off to feet. I’ve heard so many stories similar to yours where there is essentially a dead bedroom situation going on except when the women are being used as masturbatory aid for their bf’s foot fetish, and their own needs are being neglected. Additionally these guys are always jacking it to random people or celebrities feet like your guy seems to. Such an exhausting way to live for the women who date them.

I agree with other anons that you should trust your gut feeling and cut your losses. If you do decide to stay with him then you absolutely need to follow through with your boundary the minute it is broken, there is no other way. Considering you said he was a virgin before you got together I would normally think there is a lot of room for improvement, but with his paraphilia the odds are against you. Do you really wanna go through with all the anxiety and emotional labor of dating another porn addict just to try to make this guy maybe a little bit more sexually functional? Even if he gets better in bed, he will likely always have a weird thing for feet. I promise you there are guys out there who enjoy normal vanilla sex, where there is connection and intimacy with their partner. It's hard to see how your situation could improve and you're just gonna end up mentally torturing yourself.

No. 349317

File: 1695147138359.gif (572.16 KB, 275x155, 1666074944682.gif)

Thank you beautiful nonnies for your advice. Honestly, I'm overwhelmed. I'm going to bring it up tonight, citing our shite sex life to spark the conversation about what he is doing. Depending on his response… I think I might end things. You guys are right. It's really not worth this horrific feeling in my stomach.

No. 349379

Footfags are honestly worse than porn addicts, because the "porn" is right there at their feet, literally. He's saving pics of local women's feet. He'll save a pic of children's feet, but it doesn't matter to him because the focus is that it's a fucking foot. Look at any YouTube video that contains weird fetish fodder, and look through the commenters who have playlists. More often than not the footfags, fartfags, sneezefags, shoefags, hairfags, etc, they had playlists dedicated to their fetish and there were children in there. Honestly, leave.

No. 349381

footfags are the reason women have started to censor their toes on social media and why some are afraid of going outside in open shoes. they can't keep their degeneracy to themselves.

No. 349561

Is it inevitable that a guy will just stop being as sweet as he once was? I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. When we first got together, one of the things I loved was that he would give me the most personal and sincere and romantic compliments. It made me feel really special and happy. Now he hardly does that at all. I've brought it up, but it makes me cringe to so directly beg for attention. Then when he does, it's less of a personalized compliment and more something generic like "you're cute." I haven't gotten uglier or anything in the past year so what gives? How do I encourage him to be more like he used to be towards me?

No. 349562

A lot of males are lazy and stupid this way. They see it as ‘well I already have her and she’s not going anywhere, I don’t have to work for it anymore’. Which is a bullshit mentality bc it’s often the reason women feel drawn to cheat or end relationships, because the man isn’t giving her the attention he was in the beginning. Honestly a good way to make him reevaluate this mentality is to start dressing up really cute and going out without him kek. In all seriousness I’m sorry you’re dealing with this nonna, because I know exactly how you feel. Feeling like you’re begging someone who is supposed to want to be sweet to you for scraps of tenderness is soul crushing.

No. 349570

Are you living with your boyfriend? If not, it might be going as far as being sexually active with him could make his lizard brain reproduction instincts go "I already have this nest made, the next step is the offspring." Basically, he's already done all he needs, the perfect mate has been obtained, so really what does he need to do, functionally? Really nothing. It sucks when men are like this, which is why we have had some societal structures in place, like marriage and celebacy, so men will have to work on themselves and their temptations and communication to actually get this perfect mate, and make it less stressful for the woman as well, because if you just let a man under your wing, the break-off of him not being right for you isn't so catastrophic like most breakups are now.
My most recent breakup felt like a divorce. I had to do drastic measures and loose so much financially to cut all ties with my ex, and the one before that, because I had lived with them, we had bought items together, we had pets, and me or him moving out required us to decide on who's taking what and a whole bunch of shit.
I honestly don't know much of how your situation is, but it seems like you got woo'd. He oversold himself to get you to choose him and you're chasing the honeymoon phase. Keep laying down reality on him and what needs and wants you are missing in your romantic and sexual life he is able to reciprocate to you and he'll likely push away. I hope things can work out, but also understand he might not be that person in the beginning anymore, because he was living in the fantasy back then.

No. 349591

I would confront him more directly about it. Ask him specifically why he's being less romantic with you. See if you like his answer or not. At least with my boyfriend, he was more romantic and lovey-dovey in the beginning but over time he actually got more self-conscious with me (worried about saying the wrong thing), so he started flirting less and giving me less compliments. Once we talked about it in more depth, he realized he was being stupid and now is even more romantic than before, kek. Your boyfriend may just be lazy like the others said, but he also may be self-conscious too.

No. 349599

I'm living with him. When I talk to him about it he says he doesn't realize he's doing it less, and makes an effort for a few days to be more romantic because he knows I want him to, and then within a week or so it goes back to very minimal affection. I don't think he's self-conscious, but maybe I'll ask him about that directly and see if he is just unaware of why he's doing it.

Unfortunately I suspect it's what the other posters have said. He's getting too comfortable and taking me for granted. I'm not sure how to get him to be more romantic again if I'm right about that.

No. 349613

Stop everything youre doing for him, both pysical and mental task. Start putting all that energy into yourself. Start asking for more "help" from him, give him little or big tasks to perform for you.

Mem need to feel useful and to have to gain your approval to stay in love, they arent like women. A man hates feeling like he had you, its like they collectively have low self esteem and love feeling unworthy of a woman. The more a man provides/invests the more he will fall in love. Give a man everything and he will resent you. Make him earn you affection and he will cherish it. In a healthy relationship between man and woman, both are focusing on the woman.

No. 349619

You haven't even dated for a full year and already moved in with him?

No. 349632

Honestly depends on the man, my most recent ex hated when I "pretended to act retarded" for his help, or more rather asking for him to be responsible around the house. I'm praying nonnie's boyfriend can prove himself to be the better man.

No. 349668

I never wrote anything about pretending to be retarded did i? Using a man isnt being retarded, its smart. Is a king retarded for having servants?

No. 349670

I'm not sure if this is the right thread, but I could really use some help. So I'm a woman in her 20s with no romantic experience because 1. nobody showed interest to me during my school years 2. I struggle with pretty severe anxiety/self esteem/ mental health issues and 3. I'm extremely introverted.

I tried downloading one of those dating apps the other day because I was sick of being single, set it to both men and women and was overwhelmed because I got a lot of matches from guys (though it could be because men swipe right on everyone apparently kek). A lot of these guys matched with me because of a specific hobby I have so I started talking to them about it like I would with my actual friends. However, because of my introvert personality, I don't know how to turn these conversations into potential dates. Do you nonas have any advice for how to do so?

No. 349697

You need to work on your mental health. It's going to affect you long-term.

Aside from that, two things. First, men use the "swipe on any woman" tactic to see who they match, and after matching they'll message someone they might find attractive. This doesn't mean they actually like you or want to date you, they could simply want to hook up. They will also lie about wanting to be in a relationship just to sleep with you. I'm aware some nonnies will call me paranoid but I'm sure I'm not the only idiot who was ghosted after having sex with a moid who claimed he wanted a relationship. Second, if a man wants to ask you out after talking to you, he will. The phrase "if he wanted to, he would" is something you'll have to permanently keep in your brain every time you ask yourself why a man does or doesn't do something. A man who really wants to go on a date with you will ask you really fast to meet.

No. 349719


We had a good long talk about this yesterday. Men are retarded. He hadn't been complimenting me because, according to him, I am already confident, so he thought I didn't need compliments. I countered by pointing out that e-thots get hundreds of compliments a day and are some of the most insecure people out there, so compliments aren't really a tool to boost confidence. His other excuse was that he didn't think he had been doing it less - believing his own assessment of how often he's doing it more than he believes me telling him there's a problem. When I pointed this out he became very embarrassed and apologetic.

I will definitely be taking a page out of >>349613 this nonny's playbook, however. I've been doing too much and it makes me resent him for being lazy and him resent me for mothering him. He can learn that he has to earn my approval.

No. 349785

Nonas, my boyfriend of 10+ years is a heroin addict who was clean for years but relapsed a few months ago and keeps relapsing. I feel extremely hopeless and scared. I love him so much and we have built a life together, but how do you live a happy life when you can't trust your partner and have to constantly worry about them overdosing? It is literally distracting me from everything else I need to focus on. I don't know how to get him to stop, and as someone in recovery myself I see that he is not taking the personal steps to stay sober and move forward in life, even when he is not using heroin. I am really at my wits end and feel trapped and scared.

No. 349804

Give him an ultimatum. You're dealing with an addict. The monster must be tamed, but also understand he cannot be sober again unless he chooses to and communicates that with you.
How did you find out he relapsed?

No. 349992

My boyfriend has absolutely no fucking drive. He hates his job and industry, he may hate the effort of applying to jobs even more. Helping him consists of doing everything whilst he lays on my shoulder and moans. I work 8.5 hour days 5 days a week from home and today he came home early, at 3pm, so he worked a total of 5 hours that was so overstaffed that he finished 3 hours early. I ask him to go shopping and get something for dinner since I don't finish until gone 6pm and hes upset because he just wants to go on his PS5. I've not said anything about the washing up he was supposed to do 3 days ago since I cooked and absolutely nothing has happened. When I'm not at work, I don't act like a baby because 'I worked today' or 'I work tomorrow' I just do what I'm supposed to because I'm an adult.
Also, I've given up on trying to have sex with him, because I always try to initiate something, end up wanking him off til he cums all over himself and then he just goes to sleep. Its getting fucking infuriating and I think I'm just living with another moid who reveals themself to be a giant fucking manbaby the moment we move in together. This is especially frustrating because I'm dealing with chronic illness at the moment going in and out of hospital for tests and he can't even fucking join me at a 12.30 appointment because he has work at 6pm and needs to nap so he can have the energy to work. How about you get off the fucking Ps5 before 3am and get a good nights sleep? Are all men like this?

No. 349993

If you have any self respect you’ll leave him now. That’s disgusting. It’s like caring for a disabled adult.

No. 349994

>end up wanking him off til he cums all over himself
anon stop, I'm gonna vomit

No. 349997

Right, I gagged.

No. 350010

That really sucks, but unfortunately guys like this are common. If you don't have high standards and stick to them you'll very likely end up in shitty relationships for years at a time. It's better to be single than live like this.

No. 350022

Bleak. Kick him out! How disappointed you must be he turned out like this.

No. 350028

My bf often falls asleep while over, especially after eating. it's really boring to be watching something together and he falls asleep. he has insomnia issues but like, come on. he doesn't understand why it upsets me. then i get so bored because no one to talk to anymore. am i right to find this super annoying?

No. 350031

girl, i just ended a relationship with a man like this. if you stay, you're just going to be more frustrated, beg for consistency, and cry wondering why your life is like this. it's best to leave him, find a cheap apartment and leave him to this one so he'll really have a light under his ass to actually do something for once.
i let my ex live with me so soon, him moving him was like a 4 hour show and tell session i should've had when we were living apart.
these kinds of guys will oversell themselves in the beginning, they're all talk and no show, theyre comfortable living miserable lives after all. i realized this morning my ex told me in the beginning of us meeting that he didn't expect to meet someone so wonderful, but also how i deserve better than him and i need to raise my standards, men like this will tell you the truth while also hold the idea they'll be that person you want them to be.
he's attached to that ps5, demand he not use the thing for a week, it's going to be a hard no without hesitation.

No. 350032

Yeah you can be annoyed, I find that somewhat annoying myself. People like that usually stay awake if they’re doing something and moving around so maybe you could try some other activities with him in the evening like a game or a long walk where you’re just chatting. If he’s coming over to eat and watch tv that’s like a sleep recipe for some people, don’t do that with him anymore unless you’re okay with him falling asleep. If he’s unwilling to do anything else then that’s kind of annoying.

No. 350051

I think I'm actually at my wits end. I have to wake up early for work and asked him to wear his headphones when watching TV in the bedroom when I was trying to sleep, he refused because he 'couldn't be bothered getting them'. I asked him to turn the TV off and watch in the living room and he did it but in a massive huff about me 'just being difficult'. He ordered takeaway last night instead of going shopping. He is off work all day and instead of washing up so I can cook lunch (I work from home) I can hear him playing video games in the next room. I know for a fact by my lunch time, he will be asleep, so I'll just end up doing it. I don't know how to bring this up because he's not a bad guy, he's just childish. I feel like I have to baby him even though he's older than me. I'm not the best at cleaning either, I guess its just frustrating trying to work with all the noise, getting poor sleep at night because he can't move to the living room. He is working tonight so I know I'll be woken up gone midnight when he gets home and opens the bedroom door, then leaves it open while turning on hallway lights. Its just inconsiderate and I'm bored of having to say that

No. 350058

I dumped my ex after he fell asleep like this once kek

No. 350071

truly do not understand how or why people put up with scrotes like this. he's a literal manchild keeping you around as a bangmaid to make his meals and clean up after him while he plays video games all day, get out of there nonny and find someone better.

No. 350074

What do you honestly get out of this relationship? It sounds like you'd be better off living alone so you at least wouldn't have to deal with his shit.

No. 350075


I dont even know really. I love him and he can be very sweet and helpful but he procrastinates so hard its stupid.
If I try and say anything or speak to him like a grown up he fucking pouts and says I am being mean.
Like earlier today, I ordered food for lunch cos we don't fucking have any and he's not hungry doesnt want anything. He ends up having part of mine because hes hungry now he sees it. Apparently this is my fault because I know what hes like so I guess I'll be hungry until I finish work. He's asleep right now because be spent all day on his Ps5 and has work at 5pm. He says hes gonna clean tomorrow because hes got the day off but if I want to cook tonight I have to clean the table, do the washing up and go shopping and I even said that and hes like not my fault I was going to do it tomorrow.
Its not like I can leave, he can't afford to rent this place, I already pay more in rent since I have an extra room as my office so he can't even afford half.

No. 350086

Dump him and kick him out if you're paying for the place. He sounds like a manchild freeloader. You can do better than that, anon.

No. 350088

If he loved you he wouldn't treat you like this.
>Its not like I can leave, he can't afford to rent this place
Doesn't matter. He's an adult and he'd figure it out if you weren't there. He had a life before you. You are just prolonging your suffering. Surely you know there's no future with this retard.

No. 350091


Retard is kind of my problem. I am a massive fucking autist, with like, the ear defenders sensory problems kind of retardation. Not many men really have the patience for it and he's mostly very sweet about it.

I try to be understanding since he has ADHD and I can understand how that affects ones life since I have comorbid ADHD with my autism, but at the same time I actually work really hard to be a functional adult and I pay money for therapy to help me find the best ways to work if that makes sense.

It feels like his ADHD is an excuse he knows he can rest on but it doesn't seem fair that he doesn't put in the effort I do to be an adult in spite of that.

I guess I just know I'm disabled enough to not even have to work, but I do anyways because I like being self sufficient so I have a hard time seeing it as an excuse.

I am dealing with so many health problems right now physically that doctors have been brushing off as girl shit since I was 15. I'm not the most mobile person as I am just generally weak.

But then I wonder if I'm just comparing our issues and because mine are worse in my mind, he should be able to do more.

Idk i think im a doormat sometimes

No. 350093

Well, yeah, you are a doormat. Leave him. ADHD does not cause an adult to act like a mentally disabled incapable burden, that’s just how he’s CHOOSING to live because he knows you’ll tolerate it and baby him. He doesn’t care about you, only what you do for him in his sad, lazy life of cumming on himself like a retard.

No. 350099

He blatantly doesn't care about you and you're trying to justify it by calling him "just childish" and claiming he's "just inconsiderate" because facing the fact he's not a good partner and breaking up is more daunting than just being quietly miserable.

No. 350102

No. 350106

He's using ADHD as an excuse. These diagnoses with symptoms were initially presented as things to work on to be a functioning member of society. Clearly he's content with these symptoms and uses it to leverage his laziness. You don't deserve this at all, nonnie. Theres going to be men out there who will care for you and they're not going to shower you with their own issues to make it seem like they'll care for you more because they can relate.
He cares a hell lot more for the PS5 than you because selling it when you leave to make up rent would be impossible for him. He'll be demanding you have the money instead of thinking about his easily replaceable possessions.

No. 350107

Just because you have autism doesn't mean you settle for whatever. You deserve a wonderful partner who loves you.
>Not many men really have the patience for it
I'd argue that you need a partner who is especially emotionally intelligent, sensitive, and adapts to you more because you have autism. You should actually be pickier, not less because a man who doesn't understand your condition can easily make your life a tumultuous hell just by failing you every waking moment.

No. 350109

NTA but really good point. I wasted a lot of time on subpar moids with worse autism than me (fucked up manchildren) before I realized I can barely take care of myself, why should I have to baby a moid? He should improve your life. One autist is enough, especially since males with asd/adhd are way worse than women

No. 350119

Yup, although I don't have autism, I have ADHD. I've done a lot to manage it and it's very stressful. I've had boyfriends in the past while they weren't nearly as bad as OP's, they were irresponsible and tended to half-assed things. They needed me to mommy them in a lot of ways. It stressed me out to no end and made me feel extremely unloved, because I believe a man who truly loves a woman wants to pamper her and make her life easier, not be a burden on her. Now I can't imagine how much more stressful it would be if I also had autism and had to take care of a man. I would go postal.

No. 350256

File: 1695845626195.jpg (Spoiler Image,3.43 MB, 4160x3120, IMG_20230924_170638_1.jpg)

My partner screenshots and saves pictures of women he finds on Instagram, Reddit, etc. He puts them all on a folder in his laptop. Almost daily. Sometimes hell crop them. It pisses him off when I mention it, which I can understand. It's obviously an embarrassing thing for him but it is for me too.

I'll admit now I was snooping. He says it's nonsexual and he just puts them in the folder and never looks at them again. Which does seem to be true. But he's still looking at them in the first place and then finding more.

He seems unbothered about it upsetting me though. It upsets me because he spends more time on that and its made me self-conscious. Once he spent 2 days hardly speaking to me but has lots of pics saved. He was doing it when I was in hospital and he had to leave, but I only knew this because of the timestamp on the file, which would've meant he was doing it publicly too (seen this on other occasions while I was with him)

I loved him a lot but tbh it's too much. It's such a creepy behaviour. There's a fuck tonne of it collected over the years. I know all men look at porn and thankfully it's pretty much just softcore images. I don't know if I'm overreacting or what to say. I want him to not do it. I want him to just admit that it is sexual and understanding how insulting it is.

There's no way it really isn't sexual. How could it really be ok?

No. 350259

your boyfriend is a coomer and you should dump him because he doesn't respect you or your relationship by doing this kind of thing.

No. 350266

Break up for your safety, this type of behavior means he's mentally ill, moreso than a guy who's just jerk off without obsessing and storing pictures of stranger women like he does.

Imagine if an ugly sweaty guy with a gf stored your picture on his computer, how would you feel? He's creepy and you're right to feel put off.

No. 350268

Samefagging to add, these look like pics he saved from 4chan where men dump their gfs nudes(face pic + amateur nudes combined). If he's into this, hes probably sending your pictures there as well, break up immediately.

No. 350270

>He says it's nonsexual and he just puts them in the folder and never looks at them again. Which does seem to be true. But he's still looking at them in the first place and then finding more.
Anon, please. He wouldn't save them in a folder almost daily if he didn't care. He creates a folder and saves them so that he can find them easily and jerk off to them again when he needs to. Please dump him and find someone who cares about your feelings. He doesn't deserve you.

>He was doing it when I was in hospital and he had to leave


No. 350271

He must think you're retarded if he's really trying to say spending hours a day saving hundreds of photos of completely naked in women in sexual positions is non-sexual. I'm insulted on your behalf kek what a creepy loser though, dump his ass. It's like he's creating a virtual goon cave.

No. 350272

I was gonna write some disappointed post but then realized that nearly all men look at that shit or worse and the only difference being they don't deny it or hide it better and they still get gfs so I really shouldn't be surprised you're still with that trash.

No. 350274

how can i even approach it with him? I want to atleast try again to get through to him. Hes always been lovely and a good bf tbh.
he claims its just a habit and doesnt wank. im pretty sure he doesnt but he might be thinking about them when we have sex etc

how could i check if hes shared my pics?

i should probably leave him but its finding somewhere to go.

No. 350275

>he says it's nonsexual
Nona, these are mostly naked women, in obviously sexually suggestive poses. There is no fucking way it's nonsexual. Demand he stop doing this or break up with him. I'm usually not the person to advocate dumping someone when there are relationship problems that seem fixable, but I'll just say I would be outraged and heartbroken if I found out my bf was doing this. He is literally treating women like disposable commodities, even if you take him at his word. You deserve so much better than to be playing second fiddle to his coom folder.

No. 350280

File: 1695848913046.jpg (595.6 KB, 2670x2579, IMG_20230924_170732~2.jpg)

Samefag but he also saves pics of women from dating sites. I know how retarded I look. It's blatent what he's doing. He claims it's just for a laugh. He doesn't always hide it either. He's said it's habit from his ex wife who abused him

No. 350282

how the fuck would this be caused by his ex who "abused" him? he's treating you like an idiot.

No. 350287

>it's habit from his ex wife who abused him
The fuck?? Obsessively saving random pictures of women in both a sexual and non sexual setting is just weird. My high school ex did the same and even though I was a massive coomer at that period myself I was so freaked out by this strange habit. Like why even save that shit when porn is just a click away anyway? He's probably sharing the porny pictures in some random discord server that has a nsfw porn channel or something.

No. 350294

This is extremely disturbing, like potential serial rapist disturbing. Please find somewhere to stay for awhile while you get on your feet, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Also “muh abusive ex wife” yeah sure. Said every creep freak abuser moid ever. Run far away, nonna. This is really really disturbing.

No. 350297

>his ex wife who abused him
Only manipulative, abusive men say shit like that.

No. 350298

people backed him up, apparently his ex wife cheated on him to do a lot of bdsm porn. There is proof of this and it does look genuine he was abused.
truthfully i feel alot

i agree. it always felt disturbing. although i can appreciate he doesnt look at anything too odd or violent

No. 350301

he's being manipulative, don't fall for it, tell him to cut this shit and get therapy or get lost

No. 350308

no offense but you're a fucking idiot jesus CHRIST break up immediately

No. 350316

nona… his ex wife doing bdsm porn behind his back in no way whatsoever justifies this, that's crazy-logic.

No. 350317

how can i even bring it up to him?
ill be homeless if i leave him, im not sure what to do. i also wanna hold onto the idea he loves me, he seems to have done a lot for me. Im not a retard im just ignoring the rational side of me that says run.

No. 350318

i don't think you're retarded, you're the expert on your own life and it's not always as easy as "just leave." but you need to make a recording of this somehow so you can remember it and start entertaining the idea of leaving at least. i don't think this is something that can be fixed especially because he isn't going to stop and doesn't care that it hurts you. i'm sure you already know but this is one of the creepiest things i've ever seen, like there is something seriously psychologically wrong with a guy who does this. he also seems to be a pathological liar with the ridiculous things he's telling you. i wouldn't even bother bringing it up to him. just start planning how you'll get out safely.

No. 350326

You’ll need to get him to recognize what he’s doing is abnormal, hurtful, and disrespectful. He needs therapy regardless if you stay together to figure out the cause of his creepy behavior.
If you want to leave start looking for new place. Plan your exit, and if possible, place yourself in an advantageous position. You deserve better and I hope you’ll make the right decision for yourself.
I dated coomer who did similar things and left him for a better man. You can always find love again

No. 350339

From the sound of your post I thought he was just saving instagram thots but this is just full blown porn. And you're stupid enough to believe his bullshit that he doesn't jerk off to it? Dump him pls, you deserve better.

No. 350340

Find a job and a house before leaving him then.

No. 350341

dont be silly. its not easy.

No. 350353

You're staying with a man(older and divorced) who's admitted to saving pictures of women from dating apps therefore already using dating apps to cheat or attempt to do so at least.
You're probably retarded enough to sign up for disability paychecks. There's a reason his wife left and it's not because she's abusive, it's because of his creepy behavior.
You unfortunately will put up with because you're fine being a literal at home prostitute while during sex he imagines fucking other women that leftswiped him on dating apps, kek. Imagine having someone admit they not only use dating apps but also save pictures of women from there to fantasize about. He knows he couldn't get those women so he settles for you because he knows you can't leave while he tries his luck with other women.

No. 350355

Tbh you're spot on. Without me even mentioning what you have said. I'm embarrassed to let this happen.

I was being trafficked since 16 and he let me believe he saved me. He knows that the first time I was comfortable with sex was with him.
Truthfully the belief I was actually safe and loved was amazing and brand-new. I was too happy. I dont want to deal with that being fake. I truly loved him

No. 350378

My sex addict ex did this same shit, please try to find his location history, clearly he's a Windows 11 user so this opsec is terrible. He could be having sex with escorts.

No. 350389

agree. he doesn't seem too clever. if she quietly looks for proof of where he's been she could find a lot.
Look up lists like this for more step-by-step solutions:
This may not be what you personally consider an abusive relationship but if you don't have the resources to leave him you are trapped in a way and you'll need to follow the same advice an abuse victim would. Reading your whole story you could definitely use the resources of a shelter or similar, please don't feel like you're not allowed.
Sorry you fell into this guy's clutches at a vulnerable time. It's scary to leave but you deserve a better life. It's confusing when you were a victim of previous serious abuse and some kindness feels like love but this guy is no good please believe us. He's taking advantage of your mental state from being abused and he's manipulating you about this whole creepy situation, he's got you believing 2+2=5. Like the other anon said he probably uses escorts, wouldn't be surprising (how did he find you?)

No. 350390

Don't be embarrassed, most people get abused to certain degrees, although your situation is much more serious than you believe it is and that's why I typed it out like that. He can pass you stds if he visits sex workers and he can turn violent when you try to leave since he seems mentally unstable. Learn about the resources you can use and if there are any shelters for women, you can stay at if he ends up abusive. Until then, try to search for a job that earns enough so that you can leave.

No. 350392

[samefag] redtext fucked up the link sorry but just look up "how to leave an abusive relationship" and you'll find lists and helplines. The advice about planning secretly and collecting your personal documents and leaving while they're not home and NOT contacting them is very important. You have to make peace with it in your own mind and have confidence in your decision as well. I know this guy is not hitting you (I hope!) but he is so manipulative I would not try to have a regular break-up conversation with him, he will lie out his ass.
Honestly I hope you leave ASAP but it's also okay to just have this information in your mind while you save money if you can tolerate living with him longer (please keep your financial information secure from him and do not open a joint account or give him access or let him know your passwords.)

No. 350394

Don't let him see this thread, make sure he's not tracking your browser history through your google account or something like that (google logs all webpages you visit if you're signed in in Chrome and that can be accessed from your account separate from your regular browser history and would need to be cleared separately, also keeps a log of all your youtube searches/history in your google account fyi). If you have a shared computer make sure you don't leave a digital trail of your financials or plans to leave. Don't save passwords on a shared computer because most browsers have an option to reveal all saved password using only the computer login to access (you can use that to look in his accounts if you need to though).
You should be snooping on him constantly and secretly since you need to be able to form your own opinion about what he's doing, he's delusional and making excuses for himself or just a liar so you can't trust him.

No. 350430

Be honest nonnas, when your man is being grumpy or is in one of those moods where he hasn't yet considered you because he's in bad mood mode, what are your ways of making him soften? I know you're out there…

Disclaimer: I'm genuinely curious.

No. 350431

I used to get sexy or ask him about [topic of internet to him] but now I just berate him. Same result honestly.

No. 350432

Interest not internet (although it’s almost the same thing)

No. 350434

usually leave him alone to sort his shit out, I'm not his therapist and if he wants me to help him he can use his adult words and ask. any adult should know how to sort out themselves emotionally.

No. 350436

yeah basically. if you're not teenagers it's the normal thing to do.

No. 350440

Nothing, I've never really seen my partner grumpy/in a bad mood. He is like, perpetually happy go lucky. Only time was when his wallet got stolen, and then he was just directing his anger at that, and normal/sweet towards me at the same time.

No. 350556

What should I do if my boyfriend never initiates sex or making out? We have been together for years now and we are still affectionate and touch each other often, but I am ALWAYS the one that has to initiate anything more intimate than a peck on the lips. I've talked to him about this multiple times and he said that it's because he's usually horny in the morning while I prefer to get it on in the evening, but even when I told him I'm fine with doing it during the day, he still never starts anything. Another excuse is that he feels awkward about doing it because I'm usually the one who does it.
It drives me fucking insane. It's not like I have a particularly high libido and need to get off every single day, I just want to have sex once or twice a week at the very least.
One time I told him we would only have sex if he initiates because I'm sick of it and he needs to get used to doing it, and in the end I gave up after 2 weeks and once again was the one to get the ball rolling. It doesn't help that he sometimes even rejects my advances because he isn't in the mood or too tired. It makes me feel undesired and ugly. The relationship is healthy and great otherwise, but at this point I'm honestly starting to think about breaking things off to find someone who actually desires me enough to want to fuck me on a regular basis lol.

No. 350558

That’s because he’s wasting all his coom energy on porn. I hope you know that. Your moid is so broken he’d rather coom to a screen than a living human woman. Unfortunately not that unusual. Leave him.

No. 350559

I know for a fact that he's not a hypercoomer who cooms to porn all day long because we live together and sometimes spend every waking hour with each other. When I initiate, he's really into it and we have nice vanilla sex that doesn't show any kind of pornsickness either. He's just autistic as shit.

No. 350560

Ah anon, I'm autistic as shit and so is my partner of four years but we're electrically intimate together. Just sit on him and softly infodump about whatever interests you share, then look at him and tell him but you're more interested in him. If he's still unable to get the ball rolling, then I don't know, because you truly deserve someone who desires you and would get you through the door for that passionate sex you deserve.

No. 350561

Our sex is great and very loving when we have it, I just hate that I'm the one who always has to start it. I don't know what the hell I can do to make him initiate more. I left it out in my OP but I also have some sexual trauma he knows of which makes him even more nervous to "push himself" on me, even though that's literally what I'm begging him for kek it's so stupid.

No. 350564

I feel for you nonna and I see you. Fellow SA survivor here, but I can tell you've voiced to him that you're comfortable with him and you want him to go harder. Maybe this really needs a proper discussion with him, like a proper sit down, as he might be oblivious to your frustrations. Men are dweebs a lot of the time.

No. 350566

Thank you anon, I'll try to talk about it with him again when I feel less frustrated and have a clearer head. My first long term boyfriend used to give me ultimatums like "either we have sex right now or it means you don't love me" so it's very difficult for me to wrap my head around how passive my current boyfriend is.

No. 350567

Sending you all the luck and hugs, nonna. Definitely give yourself some rest and come to him with clearer words and head when you are ready. You are absolutely not coming across how your first ex did- what he did was manipulative, controlling and downright atrocious and I am so sorry that you have ever experienced such a horrible thing and sexual trauma. I know it takes years to recover, and separating the imposter syndrome of "but what if I sound like my ex or abuser" takes time, but please take it from another nonna, you approaching your boyfriend about your frustrations with initiating sex and always feeling like it lands on you is a completely different thing alltogether to "have sex with me or else you don't love me".

I wish you so much peace nonna.

No. 350570

Love you anon, you're the absolute sweetest and you have no idea how much it means to read this. I'll do my best to take your words to heart and continue to grow and heal.

No. 350581

Awww nonna, says you, I'm really glad to have helped a bit and I lurk loads but my heart always goes out hard when I see other nonnas who have gone through a lot and they're still learning how to have faith in themselves that the boundaries they're setting or feelings they are voicing are totally valid and aren't like an abusive ex or someone in the past, you're doing your best and I'm proud of you. Let's go for all we deserve in life, we've got this.

No. 350691

Also posted this in the vent thread but no one replied so who cares. I was at my boyfriends' parents house, we get along well and I love talking with them. My boyfriend gets bored with it and I understand that but he straight up told me 'if you want to spend time with them so bad take the bus here while I'm at work'. I feel so hurt, I feel welcomed there by everyone except him. I don't know why he is acting like this, we spend a lot of time together to begin with so it's not like we never have time to ourselves, can't he just be happy we all get along? If you're bored join in on the conversation. I just find it so rude, he knows I enjoy spending time there and his parents enjoy seeing me too. If he's bored I understand that but think of someone that's not you for a second would you? It's not such a big deal but 'go there yourself' is one of the rudest things I've ever heard. He said he's in it for the long haul, why does he not want me to have a good relationship with his family? I'm just so angry.

No. 350708

Is it possible he secretly feels excluded or ignored when you spend time with his parents? Or perhaps even as if his parents like you better than him? (Not saying those feelings are or aren't justified if that's the case).

No. 350713

I'm not sure, I'm calling him tonight so I can hear his side and ask why he would say something like that. He was a bit stressed so I'm not going to be so harsh but I'm not going to just keep quiet about things like this, it really bothers me.

No. 350843

I'm bored with my relationship and we've had many problems in the past three years. I started talking to an online friend I've known for about a year but only a few weeks ago we started talking in dms. We quickly started bonding over our relationship problems and it feels good to have someone in a similar situation. Now we talk all night at the weekend and I'm crushing hard. I know it's not realistic to ever be in a relationship with him and I don't even want to because we don't really fit together and he has a child but I still can't stop thinking about him.
I know this means that my relationship is probably over and I should do something about it. I don't really want any advice, I just needed to get it out somehow.

No. 350887

I feel so repulsed having sex and kissing my boyfriend. I'm not attracted to him at all. Sex hurts so much for days after because he just puts it in right away and I'm not wet enough. It just feels so gross when he rubs my clit and tries to make me wet.

I feel bad he's a nice guy and feels very lucky to have me. But I'm a little ashamed to show any affection in public I don't let him hold my hand. He talks about our future, marriage, kids and I ache inside. I don't want to be so shallow and I feel like I have dragged it on too long we've been together over a year. I got asked out by a really cute guy like 8 months ago and I still think about him and hurt.

No. 350888

Lol dump his ugly ass. If you’re less than 35 don’t waste your time with ugly scrotes. All men are the same anyways

No. 350897

Why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing it to him?

This is the depressing consequence of women being socially pressured into choosing 'nice guys', men with wives who don't wanna fuck them then going and complaining about their dead bedroom. It's not meant to be, a year is NOTHING so don't let sunk cost fallacy ruin your life.

No. 350903

It's hard all his friends are also my friends.We live in the same town, Go to college together. I tried to break up once before and he cried and pleaded. Regrettably I cheated on him by letting another guy kiss me, he forgave me, said it wasn't my fault even though it was. I hate myself for not having the strength, I wish he could have more self respect. I could do the worst things and he would allow me to.

No. 350914

You’re in college together? Yeah you should dump him but life will tear you apart soon enough.

No. 350917

Damn girl send him my way

No. 350918

Stfu. Anon doesn't owe an uggo anything

No. 350925

I like pathetic men

No. 350926

>It's hard all his friends are also my friends.We live in the same town, Go to college together.
No offense but that's all the more reason to break up right now. I know it's not easy but if you're not careful you'll énd up graduating in 3 years time and regretting how you've wasted your precious, once in a lifetime student years on dating a guy you actively felt repulsed by. You're going to have to cut him off sooner or later if you want to make the most out of your college years so you might as well pick up the phone and call him right now as you're reading this to avoid wasting anymore time. Do it. Don't end up feeling deep regret over wasting your college years.

No. 350932

>I got asked out by a really cute guy like 8 months ago and I still think about him and hurt.
damn anon you need to break up asap. Also no one should be repulsed by their partner, don't feel bad breaking up. You'll be fine even if you share a friend circle. It doesn't matter in the long run.

No. 350936

More importantly, if it does affect her social circle and connections she won’t have time to rebuild them if she stays with this dude all through college and let’s life break them up when college is over (which happens to like almost all college relationships and this one is definitely doomed). And she won’t be able to properly concentrate on her studies or making connections if she’s always stressed out about this relationship or sexually frustrated.

No. 350948

I have my own friends at college but in my home town all my friends are his friends more than mine. I'm not stressed, I kinda don't care about the relationship. I think he deserves better but he won't let me go because he thinks he'll never do any better. Which is sad.

No. 350957

>I feel bad he's a nice guy
>I tried to break up once before
>he won't let me go because he thinks he'll never do any better
Its the men who act all vulnerable and poor-me and pathetic that are sometimes the biggest controlling dickheads underneath that boo hoo act. Disengage from his sob stories and let him cope with having no gf and no sex for a while if the poor guy can't immediately replace you. He'll survive. Nobody who gives a damn about you will want to emotionally hold you hostage after you've already tried to leave. The totes sad and pathetic b-but don't-leave-me guys.. Can we start seeing through that bs. There's no regard for what you wanted. There's nothing nice about a guy wasting your time all to suit his own fears that oh no he probably can't just easily replace you

No. 350985

I love my nigel so much but he's on the higher end of an overweight BMI and it really sucks that he hasn't lost any weight in months and months. I've repeatedly told him he needs to and he just says "I know". We even openly joke about him being fat. I myself have gone on diets and counted calories when I've put on a couple pounds, and easily lost the weight. And I'm already a normal weight! He could literally lose 50 lbs and be at a normal weight, but he's 10 away from obese and is half-assing dieting. We even have a home gym but he barely goes. I don't know how to get him to lose the weight, because i feel like when I say anything (even politely) he shuts down. He's never rude or anything about it, but i imagine he feels the way I do when my mom tells me to do shit i know i have to do. Except the major difference here is that my attraction to him definitely hinges on this (which i have not said because that seems pretty harsh).

No. 350994

>I don't know how to get him to lose the weight
It's difficult because motivation to lose weight is intrinstic, you can't really force that upon someone. Only once it's there you can support him to keep him going.
>my attraction to him definitely hinges on this (which i have not said because that seems pretty harsh).
It might feel harsh but it's not a mean spirited message. Have you considered that maybe it's only fair for him to know his partner has lost attraction to him over something he can actively change? He likely already suspects it but telling him the truth might just kickstart his motivation.

No. 351034

He already knows my opinions on what fat people look like so I'm sure he knows. I guess I just gotta encourage him and hope for the besf

No. 351042

I didn’t really catch it before but now that I can see you genuinely feel like he believes that… he doesn’t. He manipulated you with his crocodile tears. Dump him. He will probably call you a bitch to all your friends within a month of the dumping and pull some emotional manipulation on them too, you should do preemptive damage control if you want to keep them.

No. 351068

File: 1696318528207.png (10.43 KB, 757x550, FpejPo1aQAUZ0Vn.png)

I've been with my bf for years and it's well established that we want to get married after we sort out some financial/living situation stuff. We've always agreed on most of our values, but starting this year… I guess the simplest way to put it is that we have different religious/spiritual beliefs now, especially as mine are shifting around and I'm seriously questioning what I believe. This isn't the place for a dumb theological argument and the details aren't important, the key point is just that we developed a big rift in one aspect of our values.
I think it only kind of bothers me if he believes very different stuff than me, but it seems to definitely bother him. He doesn't think I'm evil or anything crazy like that, just thinks I'm wrong about stuff and that I'm getting mixed up with dubious ideas. We have a hard time talking about these topics with each other and it feels like neither of us understands each other's perspective, and we keep inadvertently saying things that the other finds offensive when we try to discuss it, which gets everyone frustrated. I doubt this will be solved by one person magically changing the other's mind as if it's a debate to be won.
Recently he gifted me a book that he says he really liked, and it's a book that's like a scathing critique on stuff I believe. I dunno, I think he genuinely means well and is just trying to share something he found interesting (it wasn't presented as a passive aggressive jab), and I want to be open-minded too, but it just makes me feel weird. Like it'd feel awkward if you were considering getting a cat and someone gave you a book called "Why Cats are Stupid Dumbfuck Horrible Beasts" right? But I don't want to get rude or presumptuous about it since he didn't rub it in my face or anything, he just said he got me one of his favorite books and left it without comment. Tbh I have no idea how I'm supposed to respond to this.
I've been feeling really worried about how things will go. We work really well together and have always been on the same page about most other things, but obviously big disagreements on this sort of thing can be a huge problem in a relationship and I understand that if we seriously can't accept each other, then it might be better to break things off. But as it stands we've been together for years and I want to give working through our differences my best shot. I just don't know how to approach this kind of sensitive subject, especially since I have an autistic way with words that exacerbates misunderstandings. We've both kinda been avoiding the subject but both know it needs to be addressed at SOME point.
Does anyone have advice on how to deal with this kind of situation? Maybe this is a dumb question to ask here of all places but I dunno where else to go. A lot of people just want to give their opinion on what belief they think is correct which isn't really the issue here. I just want to know how to talk about big uncomfortable subjects in the least painful way.

No. 351072

Couples who have fundamental disagreements on sensitive subjects like religion or politics mutually agree to not harass each other about it and that’s how they get along. Lay it to rest. Accept as fact you don’t agree on this thing. You don’t talk about it and it’s not your whole personality or life. If you share other important core values that is what keeps you together.
If this is something where you can’t do that, or that’s not how you want to have a relationship be, then you should separate.

No. 351091

so I have a friend who won't take the hint, he's been openly into me for about a year and I've tried everything to ignore all of it and I have done everything to not play into it. A little background info: I used to be a NEET after a very close family member died a few years ago, then I got back into school and made friends again and this is one of them. I hate this situation so much cause he is normally a really good friend, he's just touch starved and horny. I hate how when we meet he lingers on touching me and bumps into me super obiously, I hate hugging him, I hate hanging out alone with him because he makes me so uncomfortable. Thing is I still don't have a lot of friends, none that I talk to so much but maybe I should get better at that. He is not my type at all and he knows it but still won't fucking get it. He just straight up asked me on a date in the middle of a conversation where I literally was talking about how I don't wanna date anyone now. I don't wanna straight up say 'I don't want you and I never will' cause I don't wanna make things weird but also it feels like I'm almost pushed to do this since he is incapable of rubbing two braincells together and realize I've never even acknowledged his flirting.
Today one of my female friends who is autistic made a joke that we should date cause she hasn't done anything romantically or sexually ever and her mom said that we'd be a cool couple, normally I'd just be slightly weirded out and laugh and get over it but now I just have this gross uncomfortable feeling in my entire body. I'll get over what she said cause I know she doesn't mean it weird but I don't get why men have to ruin everything good. I feel weirdly betrayed, I just hope he gets a girlfriend and leaves me alone in that way.
On top of this there is a gamebreaking bug in a vidya I like a lot and I can't progress.

No. 351098

I think you're being too nice. Even my most desperate single friends are never inappropriate with me. They would never touch me out of nowhere and they never make me uncomfortable. I'm sorry that you don't have many options at the moment but you will find better friends who actually care how you feel around them! Anyways make it more clear to him that his behavior is not okay. You don't have to put up with it.

No. 351101

You're right, I'm just such a coward in that way. I don't wanna cause any drama and I just fucking wish he didn't have to make me resort to that but I feel I'm close to boiling over, I'm just so mad he has to ruin a perfectly fine friendship. Thank you nona, you're sweet. I just feel like shit today I'm better tomorrow probably lol.

No. 351116

You say it's not passive aggressive but to me your boyfriend "gifting" you that book seems extremely passive aggressive of him. Unless he's an extreme autist he should know your beliefs by now and how upsetting that book would be for you. I would make it clear to him that you respect him having a different opinion to you, that it's not a dealbreaker, but you won't tolerate being shamed for your beliefs. If he can't respect that you're not going to agree on everything you two don't have a future together. I watched my parents' relationship become more and more toxic and miserable because of my mother's refusal to stop being passive aggressive then full-on aggressive about her religion and trying to forcibly convert my father. Don't let that happen to you, anon.
You're going to have to do the "bitchy" move and be direct with him. If he breaks off the friendship that's his fault and shows how little he really cares about you.

No. 351122

You need to figure out and be relatively sure about your religious/spiritual affiliation first. There's no sense in taking action or wasting negative emotionw if you're gonna be like "wait naw I don't believe in this spiritual crap after all" in 3 months time.

No. 351185

How do you know you should pursue a crush? Everytime I have a crush on someone I always think I'd be such a bad choice for them, which probably stems from a lack of self-esteem. I thought I was asexual for the longest time but it was just me preventing myself from fully loving someone.

No. 351403

My husband’s depression and anxiety is destroying our relationship and I don’t think he has any idea. He’s been to the doctor and is back on antidepressants, but I feel like he’s refusing to return to work. I had to overdraw my personal bank account by $400 this month to pay rent and it feels like he just doesn’t care. In trying to prioritize his health, mine is definitely suffering. I love him, but I am absolutely miserable right now.

No. 351469

He sounds extremely ungrateful and probably just lazy. Even people with depression and anxiety feel guilt for being a burden and at least express it, show gratitude, or try to make up for it in other ways.

No. 351507

I’ve realized I don’t feel anything towards my bf. I’m not attracted to him, romantically, physically, or personality wise. I know I need to break up with him because it’s getting so stressful and tiresome to fake it all the time, but his family are dead and I’m the only person he has in his life, and he has a fear of abandonment. I’m literally only with him because I feel guilty and responsible for him in a way, but it’s affecting my own happiness and mental health, he’s also pretty unattractive and I don’t think he could get another gf, or at least will probably struggle a lot, as harsh as it sounds, so I also feel guilty about that. I don’t know what to do nonas. I can’t keep living a lie.

No. 351520

Usually I try to distinguish where this crush is coming from. Sometimes I have crushes because I just think a guy is really, really cute or I barely know him and am just romanticizing him in my head. I don’t really pursue these crushes because it’s really intimidating for me to try to pursue someone I barely know. I also think it risks me putting them on a pedestal, which is not how I’d want to start any friendship/relationship. If I like a guy and can pinpoint a good reason for it (ex ‘he’s always there for me,’ ‘I always feel happy after spending time with him’) then I usually go for it.

No. 351556

File: 1696612630906.jpeg (51.17 KB, 668x229, IMG_0026.jpeg)

>relationship going perfectly with brilliant kind smart senseitice caring qt 10/10 bf
>steals my morphine for my miscarriage
>i confront him
>he attempts suicide twice in 48 hours

>his mum and my mum try to guilt trip me to keep dating him

>his antics have caused me grief with my family friends and my job, causing me to be crying hysterical at my professionL job that i studied 6 years to obtain
>constantly put alcohol and benzo's before me time after time after time

why the fuck am i being encouraged to stay in this relationship. if he tries to kill himself again i hope to GOD no one tells me because i need peace and to not be sobbing at work

i received this message from his mother and my mum described me as 'deplorable' for breaking up with him after she encouraged me to

>basically if my son kill's himself it's your fault because you broke up with him

what the fuck ever i'm checking out. This fuck up has cost me my relationship with my mother and my hr manager. Fucks sake.

No. 351557

File: 1696612792161.jpeg (218.54 KB, 828x501, IMG_0027.jpeg)

my mum eneocurging me to stay with my morphine thief druggie bf because he's 'unwell' even though she admitted we're not a good match

No. 351559

Both of those two suck, what the fuck. Anon, you are not at fault for that man’s shitty choices. You deserve freedom from all of this.

No. 351560

fuck his boymom and fuck his mother too. you had a miscarriage and this is how he reacts? breaking up with him was good and i'm proud of you for doing it.

No. 351561

what the fuck, your own mum said this!? jesus that's fucking awful. no wonder you're checking out from this, that's insane. stay away from that guy and his mom forever and stay away from your mom for a while until she apologizes to you.

No. 351562

So you're suffering with the trauma and pain of a miscarriage, and this worthless addict scrote has to make it all about himself? His suicide attempts were probably all for attention anyway. Fuck all these people stupid enough to fall for his male manipulation, you deserve so much better.

No. 351563

I'm sorry you have a pick me mother, anon. Fuck her and fuck that scrote's boymom. If your worthless addict ex ropes himself that's on him and his enablers.

No. 351565


what the fuck why are both our mums trying to gaslight me to give this morphine thief junkie another fucking chance like i gave him chance after chance after chance after chance after chance

his mum asked me to google valium addiction to gain insight and inspire sympathy, she told me i was being very unsympathetic for being pissed that his suicide attempts caused

>paramedics to break down door

>my mum see him naked and off his head
>blood all over mums bathroom


No. 351576

File: 1696620490419.jpeg (65.7 KB, 828x208, IMG_0030.jpeg)

his mum again

fucks sake i want to get away from this

No. 351578

Fuck I'm so sorry, they should be supporting you through your miscarriage not making everything about this junkie. Taking your life is in the end a personal decision, whatever happens, you have nothing to do with that and it's manipulative and abusive to make you warp your life around someone else's threat of offing themselves. Get out and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

No. 351579

Just block them both, whay are they going to do? Send you a letter pigeon telling you to stay with him?

No. 351580

Block them and if they show up at your house call the police immediately. You owe him nothing. Ignore their gaslighting.

No. 351589

I relented and told him i loved him because honestly i do but i have very little faith he is ever ever going to get better

No. 351590

Although i feel it's not right to ask me to message him to tell him i love him etc i do feel compassion for and understand her pov as a worried mother who believes her sons life is in my hands. i genuinely do think he will make another go of it if I don't get back in touch with him

If I give him another chance to stop drinking I know he will fail

No. 351591

This is some insane manipulative shit. I say cloak their asses. Full block and ignore. I cannot believe the selfishness at play here. Wishing you healing, nonna. These are not people you need to interact with ever again my god. And if he does kill himself it’s never going to be your fault. Ever.

No. 351596

File: 1696629386902.jpg (580.4 KB, 2048x2048, EyiM13SUYAI0uXR.jpg)

My boyfriend is a perfect match for me in personality, I never found anyone I clicked with before like this. He's a very nerdy shy guy, I am similar, think the kinda dumpy looking average nerd/con goer. He's very caring, patient and head over heels for me even after years.

I do have some attraction issues though. Even if I consider myself below average, I put effort into my looks (makeup, hair). He, like the average nerdy scrote, does not. At best, he will shave a pedostache if he's not feeling too lazy (asian who can't grow proper facial hair). Dresses like left picrel, shorter and skinnier than me. His hairline is also receeding and I know it will get worse which is what worries me, but tbf this is the case for the average male. Issue is he styles like a 70s dad, it's all just not helping.

He's not ugly, if you remove his "style" he is average with some chiseled features, my problem is that I don't find men very physically attractive and he doesn't put effort into his appearance on top of that. I try to suggest things but I don't want to be too pushy, he doesn't know how to style himself and when he tries will often revert to this default state. He is away on a trip rn and sent me the ugliest close up 'stached photo making a face next to a better looking dude and I recoiled.

I don't know what to think because I've been with other men in the past that looked better than him but with a shittier personality (not even worst case scenarios, just average male annoyances like their usual superiority complex that I can't stand or punching furniture when angry) and nowadays they got huge, let go or changed style and are ugly as hell too kek. Should I just give up on men looking decent and just enjoy that someone treats me so well if I'm not a stacy

No. 351616

>I don't find men very physically attractive and he doesn't put effort into his appearance on top of that
It sounds like hell to be with him then. Even if he’s good to you, if you’re not into him then what the fuck are you doing? Don’t you think you should each be with someone who can appreciate the other fully instead of just settling? These kind of situations usually lead to resentment and regret later on, best to cut your losse