/ot/ - off-topic

Is anyone else unable to feel loved by others, in every sense? It doesn't matter who, I just can't wrap my head around anybody wanting me, caring for me or loving me. It just doesn't click. The logical part of my brain knows it's not true because I do have people around me who would have just left if that were true but I still haven't been able to feel "loved" by them. I don't know how to describe it other then just nothingness. I feel shitty about it and it really gets in the way of my social life as it obviously sows the seeds of doubt and insecurity, I wish I could do something about it but I'm just not equipped to right now. I don't know how to fix something I've never felt before.

Hi fellow BPD nonas, how do you cope with having a developing FP?

>>2595070
kill it early because it will only cause pain

I've gotten attached to one of my coworkers. We're becoming friend-friends instead of work friends, which is exciting. I wanted to take this friendship slow as soon as I felt myself liking her. The only problem with this coworker is she is definitely clusterbee too, so we are mutually rushing the friendship. I can tell we're both obsessed with each other but trying to hide it. I love that we feel comfortable talking to each other about everything, we only met a few months ago but I don't think I've ever met someone where I can take the filter all the way off, and she feels the same way. We really respect each other. But I think we're accidentally over-bonding, like maybe we shouldn't be having such intimate conversations if we're just friends. Lately I've been fantasizing about stepping up as her platonic life partner and living with her and her kids, which is completely insane. I don't want to pull away from her but I know I need to keep my distance or I'm going to start feeling obsessive. I don't know. This sucks. I wish I could feel normal about people who show me kindness.

i have bpd/cptsd (its the same right? i was told by a psych once that i just have cptsd and its not bpd but i don't get the difference) and my boyfriend who is kinda my fp (i feel so stupid saying that) wants to take a break for a month or two. the reason being i self harmed (for the first time in 3 1/2 years) at his house after he left me alone for 12 hours while he hung out with a family he knows. i even told him i didn't want to go there in the morning cuz i wanted to shower but i told him i wanted to come in the evening and i guess he misunderstood me and he had dinner with them while i was starving at home with hardly any options for dinner and in my hungry state (my antipsychotics make me ravenous and hangry) i ended up burning myself. everyone i talked to believe he was in the wrong for what he did, but i can still see why he is upset with me for self harming. he owns guns (for hunting) and knives and i think it just freaks him out that i could be impulsive and do something really bad but like i don't even know how to load a gun i don't think i would ever mess with that shit but i can see why he wouldn't want me around that. he also says he doesn't want to be my only friend, and that i overwhelm him with messages sometimes, but i don't work or go to school so idk how to make friends. i just like texting him about what i do all day, and about political stuff i see, or troon shit that pisses me off. but i guess sometimes i spam him and i can understand why thats too much. i have two workbooks, the dbt workbook and another one i ordered off amazon called the cptsd workbook, but working on them can sometimes be upsetting for me because it brings back feelings of being abused and neglected as a child. but i know i should definitely work on those more while we're on this break, so i can be more stable and he will see me again. i just don't know how to not message him all the time. i try texting friends but they're all online and have jobs and school or are in different timezones so they can't always talk. when he doesn't message me back sometimes i'll be upset all day even though i know he's working or busy and i'll feel like he hates me. i wish i could have a different fp, but the last one i had was a guy i hooked up with while my bf and i were broken up in the past. he was a narc and super toxic and used me for sex basically. he ended up essentially "DENNIS systeming" over time with him "separating entPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I'm adopting a new kitten! He's white, with orange fur on top of his head, and then black fur on other place, he's everything. But he's not calm and I wanted that but it's okay I have to accept is crazy personality. But I can't find a name for him. I want something goofy because he seems to be goofy to me.
The only names I had in mind was Kiwi, or Timmy

>>2592457
Unneutered males aren't always awful. I remember having a really cute boy, similar to the one in your pic, who used to hang out in my yard. He liked to watch my female cat, but never tried to hurt her or do anything to her. Sometimes they would just hang out together, lol, and when she didn't feel like going outside, he would sit out there and wait for her anyway. I always called him "lover boy". I think sometimes they get tired of all the drama of fighting with other cats over territory and envy the indoor cats with a comfy life.

>>2592461
>>2593935
Thank you for this insight anons. I saw the tabby again this morning, he was very excitable and fed him ham from the fridge. I'm pretty sure the people who used to live here kept cat treats or something bc he seems to expect something but that's all we had. I'm going to buy treats for him and the other female tabby who visits today, she looks like picrel but female cats are usually pleasant so I wasn't curious about her
>I think sometimes they get tired of all the drama of fighting with other cats over territory and envy the indoor cats with a comfy life.
This is a very "warrior cats" take on the situation and I appreciate that

>>2591659
I had to let it run it's course. He only goes on one counter top now and I've designated it his. He got bored with the rest of the kitchen. I actually put his water on his favorite counter top because he drinks more when it's in the forbidden place.

i love my cat so much, he came into my house like a garbage angel with a message… and he's been around ever since. he sleeps with me, he pees and poops in places i don't know (so the house never smells), he sometimes wanders but never sleeps outside, sometimes i spend the day just observing him and my dogs interacting because it's so entertaining and fun.

I’m majoring in statistics but I’m also considering adding a math major. I would have to stay an extra year though but I don’t really mind. I don’t even know what I want to do though. I thought about teaching but I worry about how fucked up kids are gonna be from technology and shitty parenting. But also somebody has to do it? I guess I could also do research or work for some company but it might require going to grad school too. Yeah I really don’t know what I want to do with my life.

How do I deal with feeling too old for college? I'm 25 and I'm doing my first degree, I do have peers around my age, but most of them have other graduations and are more stablished in life. I started uni now because I spent my teenage years and early 20s being a depressed suicidal neet. I don't fit in with the young zoomers because despite not working and behaving like a teenager, I don't relate that much to them. But I also don't fit in with the older students who all work and live like functional adults while I seem to be having a late bloomer crisis. They all know how to get around and do extra curriculars and engage in academic stuff while I just go to class and go home and nothing else.

Nonnas I have no desire to revise but my exam is on Thursday. Help me concentrate please. I need to get back on my zoom.

>>2584305
I have classmates that are even 40 nonna. It’s never too late.

I wanted to go to med school, but I have no savings for it, just a small set of savings that would have only been good for the application fees (around $5000, yes, it costs that much)
Because they slashed Grad PLUS, I straight-up think I can't afford it, like a private loan would destroy me. I told people I was giving up and they said I was overreacting. Am I missing something? Because I don't see how med school is possible for me anymore.

So I hate to be the retard asking this but how do we execute github codes….

>>2575542
Better off finding magnet links of database leak torrents and looking through them yourself tbh, it's just a glorified search engine

i want snoopy thread.

>>2579180
Just go through the instructions and download the required prerequisites. What
>>2575542
Haha I’m gatekeeping so hard right now. Github isn’t even that great because they probably keep the good shit to themselves. Until they find a way to access Instagram API again I don’t care. It’s been forever but recently I found 2 great leak search sites and one has extra info like IP and date the account was created, while the other has a wider database & keyword search. I wonder if 0trocks was still better though. Unfortunately one of them posts hashes and the other one you have to pay for uncensored shit (like £1 for 24 hours though) or deduce the plaintexts, but has a wider database. Still works great together, find it if you can, I don’t want it taken down though so you won’t get it from me.

>>2594935
No1curr share your findings or gtfo

>>2571989
Idk if a foreign guy was obsessed with and constantly posting girls from my culture/race I'd be put off too even if he was good looking.
>>2572899
>the most positive interactions I had were always with elderly people
Same for me! Old grandmas were so sweet and tried so hard to communicate, it was adorable

If I want to go to the beach in Kamakura this summer to swim is it safe to go there alone? Will I have to worry for my stuff like my wallet, my phone, etc. when swimming?

>>2572970
I'll third that older people in Japan tended to be the kindest and most friendly with me when I visited a month ago. I think it helped that I was with Japanese family members and in a more rural area too.

>>2582932
You can drop them off in a coin locker at the station if you're that worried or the beach might have some. There are so many options in Japan.

Did it, nonnas. Booked my second trip to Japan! Only doing Osaka and Tokyo.

>>2585880
>>2585885
Here is a document for all the pastebins for the code https://pastebin.com/qpBkDe5A
or get the calendar as a zip here
https://files.catbox.moe/ef67y1.zip

I'm gonna be honest, ChatGPT helped me a lot with the code
I am >>2580785

>>2586041
Youre an Angel in the flesh. Thank you nona

Shower which I have been putting off.. I know I know. Find clothes. Grocery shopping. Conclude my survey. Read my professor’s feedback on my thesis. Write down stuff for class. Figure out how I’m gonna pay for next semester.All of the above would be nice to have finished today but it’s a lot of tasks if you ask me. Feeliing dread.

Does anyone know any apps that are good for “gamifying” tasks? My adhd is pretty bad lately and
>number go up
is a very dopaminergic prospect to me. I especially like ones with exp / cash systems. I tried one time a “skyrim quest log” app and it worked great, but it was buggy at times. I go to check and they’re all paywalled for subscriptions… and getting notion to work with what I want to do is just all over the place. I’m very tempted to just learn to code and/or do what >>2586041 did and ask cgpt to make it for me.

>>2594790
I can’t attest to how well it works since gamifying tasks doesn’t help me, but have you tried Habitica?

Life is sooooo good omg broke up with moid, tried on some outfits for the upcoming days and now I'm drinking cogniac mmmm it's kinda gross but i don't want beer I want it. Can't wait up on my friends to meet up and drink i wanna naw. Cheers I finished my bachlors and i need someone nice to make out with (not a man please god not a man)

>>2584527
The riot what did huh? Nona where are you? Did you go to get a beer in a high risk country? I'm sure there were stores closer to you.

>>2592317
I wish this feeling could last forever omg it feels soo good being single, I'm not chained to a lazy mf who can't even handle me. This should prob be in vent but man I wish I felt something. I'm soo sick of disociateing and not feeling anyhting. Ok I see why I was an alcoholich in highschool.

Is it fucked up if i really wanna kiss a friend of mine? Idk she kissed me randolmy while givving me a haircut, i wish I was more aware. It felt nice thoug.

Drinking wine and getting drank on a Sundayyyyy

>>2592793
Samefag. Sometimes you drink and sometimes it drinks you. Deep wise musings

Took one singular sip of sake and I am drunk now. lightweight getting faded on a Monday..

>>2501536
This is based on a comment I made ages ago but will help you and probably anyone with large amounts of unstructured time. Although I'm not on lc much anymore I look back at the Jill threads and badly want to lock her in a room and force her through this method

>before you even consider 'detoxing,' make a clear list of things you would rather do than doomscroll. Academic/work tasks, maintenance tasks, reading (do you have a stash of physical books you keep meaning to read?), hobbies you have abandoned, new hobbies you want to try, etc.
>for inspiration, look through your bookmarks/saved posts on social media (copy anything useful from there into a text file and it'll be a great start, can even print it if you have a printer)
>reformat the list into a to-do list, with clear time limits and endpoints ('read for 30 minutes' 'draw for 30 minutes')
>put the list into a random number generator and let it generate a task for you
>continue until you've gone all the way through the list
>as you get back into new hobbies, you can be a bit clearer about the actual list items. You can look through instructional books (so like 'finish all tasks in chapter 3'), or look up online 'roadmaps,' or just stay blasé ('I'd like to do 300 hours of drawing this year and see what I've made afterwards' 'I hear it takes 600 hours to become fluent in French, I wonder how true that is')
>always have some kind of timer going, it helps to put things in perspective

Also most spreadsheet software has a 'random' function so you can just make a daily to-do list and it'll assign you a single task on keypress. I always type how I'm feeling into a cell and it feels like it's giving me tasks to do as therapy kek

The key is to NEVER give yourself even a small choice beyond your initial plan/roadmap because your lizard brain will just freak out and default to the easiest thing which is scrolling. You can even turn down a 'random' answer but you'll still be way more inclined to do something else the computer picks for you

The detox mentality is great because you can be terrible at any skill you try and just go 'well at least I wasn'tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I managed to unintentionally cure my phone addiction which is crazy to me. I dropped my phone a couple months ago and it broke the thermal sensor, which basically meant that my phone would restart itself every 2-3 minutes. For two months I lived like this and it was honestly so liberating. If I wanted to use my phone, I only had three minutes to do what I needed - which meant no dilly dallying, no fucking around, and most importantly no mindless scrolling. The only annoying part was I couldn’t make any phone calls longer than two minutes or listen to music when I was outside. But it didn’t really affect me as I work from home, and I started bringing books with me so I could read a few pages while on the bus or whatever. I felt so free and untethered. I was seriously considering getting a landline and an iPod and calling it a day. Unfortunately, I work in tech as a web developer and eventually needed a smartphone to test websites on (I will never be free). However, I’ve had my iPhone 16 for three weeks now and I’ve noticed I have no desire to waste time on it. It was even sitting on my desk in the box for a week before I begrudgingly set it up. It’s strictly utilitarian to me now. It’s like I rewired the circuit in my brain that would crave those easy dopamine hits from scrolling on my phone. That said, I still struggle with this behaviour sometimes when using my laptop but it’s much less severe. Something about having a computer in your pocket makes compulsive scrolling much more appealing. TL;DR Accidentally bricking your phone is based, actually.

I've deleted lots of my SocMed accounts, Instagram, Xitter, Spotify, and even a Reddit account I forgot existed. I'm in the process of getting rid of my YT account too as it's the app I'm most addicted by.

I'm looking at YouTube comments that I've liked and disliked and it was a real eye opener as to how much I was wasting my time with it. Literally everyday in like 2022 for example I was doing nothing but watching videos and liking or disliking comments (and maybe getting into a petty internet slapfight too). It's so depressing that I could've used that time more productively but I was just pissing it away. I'm in the process of deleting them all manually to scrub the embarrassment. I turned off my YouTube history and added an add-on that prevents me from searching videos, so far I have been using it less and less.

Honestly i just wish i could detox from social media and the internet in general, i'm addicted to scrolling and checking up random drama online. I wanna be productive both online and offline but i always get sucked back in the scrolling and searching loop.

internet addiction feels like it never ends. i convince myself i'm satisfied, then i get distracted and keep scrolling. i feel so stupid and hopeless.

Nonnies, how can one tone down their fixiation? This is the first time I've became obssesed with a real person, it's unsettling. Is this my punishment for being isolated for so long?
He's a cute musician from my city. I never actually spoke to him until recently, I just watched him from a distance. My incompetent ass somehow managed to go for coffee with him.
I thought meeting him would make me stop idealizing him but no, I crave him even more. He probably just pretended to be nice to me because that's what people with better social skills do, but still. I can't get that day out of my mind. I want to talk to him again so badly.
Those hazel eyes and long curly blonde hair shining bright under the sun, his gentle voice, I want to appreciate them up close again. I want to be able to hug him when I'm feeling down. I'm not even sure if this is romantic, I just want him to comfort me and spend time with me.

>>2581125
Sage for I can't help you anon, I just I'm really envious (in a good way!)
Good luck, nonita

This will be a long one but I want to tell the full story of what might have led to this obsession of mine. I would like to start by saying I have a really good memory, especially when it comes to random things about random people and that I have effectively socially isolated myself for at least two years which had its effects on me. As a teenager I've had crushes, friends and such but aside from a random girl on facebook whom I'd check the profile of (which I think I mostly did for the funny stuff she would post rather than her personality), I never had something close to an obsession. In highschool I "met" a girl on discord who made me actually confirm that I was a lesbian, she was the only person I've actually romantically liked on that level in my entire life. Unfortunately though, it was never more than an online "friendship" for a couple of years and after getting annoyed at her clearly not showing interest in me (which, even then, was clearly understandable considering she never even heard my voice or knew my exact age) I cut off my contact. After some months actively thinking about her I stopped holding the same interest for her and went my own way. By "went my own way", I mean never finding someone like her again and with the monk-esque life I led, working all day and still thinking about her once in every few nights which actually sounds like some kind of buddhist idealization ritual now that I think about it. In these years I've only really stalked one person online which was mostly a sarcastic thing with me coincidentally getting into the same major and university as someone in a facebook group I was active in and although I've done my fair share of reading through all his posts (I think it was out of boredom) I've never held any feeling commonly attached with obsession towards him (obviously not anything romantic kek). After 4 years have passed since I stopped talking with the girl that keeps reappearing in my head everytime I think about anything related to romance, on a random night I decided to join my old discord servers. This was mainly because I wanted to find old messages of myself but it quickly turned to reading messages from her, I searched my username on a server and immediately saw that she mentioned me even after a year of not talking. Maybe emotionally making a big deal out of nothing, I tried to find older messages to remember if she was actually how I remembered her (and again, I gotta give my memory credit because I rememberePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I've been obsessed with a cosplayer/artist for 3 years. It went from hate to me confessing to her after agonising over her for so long. This ended in rejection last year after on and off ghosting online. I don't know if it's love or me just wanting to be as close to her as possible. I've seen her in real life a few times and she has even come to stay over once because it was convenient for her and she knows my sister. I keep beating myself up for acting like a sperg back then, because I want to know things no one knows about her. It feels special. I feel like there's a layer to her I'm dying to get to but I can't. There is an element of wanting her easy, exciting life but also wanting to be closest to her. I'm fairly certain we would be good friends if she didn't get filtered by me being an ugly retard but I will never know for sure and it kills me. No one else really interests me. If I lived near her it'd be my only goal to create a tricky situation so she would have to meet with me somehow. This makes me feel like a loser or a creep honestly. I've thought about moving there but she will probably move to somewhere else soon. I'm learning to lucid dream so I can eventually dream about us having a life together

>>2594665
Sounds like jealousy and you fixate on her because she's physically nearer than others. Please realize she's not special and put time into working on yourself instead and stop looking her up. She doesn't care about you and never will.

Hola nonitas, como les va?

Que opinan de la mona caballo de Uma Musume que es latina y habla en español? ojala añadan una yegua chilena o argentina.

>>2593753
creo que es forma corta del nombre “Yuridia” no se el español tan bien lo estoy aprendiendo

>>2594596
no sé, me lo recomiendas? solía jugar Bellasara y me encantaba cuidar caballitos bonitos

>>2594626
El juego es mas como Princess Maker, tienes turnos donde tenes que subirles los stats a tus monas y depues ponerlas a correr para ganar carreras y fans. Si perdes las mandas a la fabrica de pegamento.