I've always struggled to study and pay attention in class, was absent minded, impulsive etc but was lucky enough to not have to work hard to get good marks so my ADHD slipped by until the age of 25 when I started to have to cope with housekeeping, doing a masters thesis and looking after my pets. Was diagnosed this week and started slow release 28 mg methylphenidate/Concerta generic and I'm just kind of baffled with how it been working. I've read people say that if you don't have ADHD stimulants make you hyperactive etc and don't have that effect on people with ADHD, which I thought was bullshit. But my constant fidgeting has decreased and I just feel kind of chilled out, my mind is quieter and I have to only do a minute or do of hyping myself up to do a task instead of fucking hours or days. I had to write a final assignment/exam this week which was the best work I've ever produced and I'm pissed that it took so long for me to get help. My impulsivity has gone down a bit too. Downsides are that the Concerta has given me skin flushes when wearing off, a bit of anxiety, some light headedness, completely gotten rid of my appetite and made me work for hours without remembering to take any breaks. It also takes me a longer time to fall asleep. That's a considerable list and I hope some of these symptoms subside after a week or two when my body gets used to it, especially because the anxiety may be from the massive exam. Otherwise I'll have to consider low dose Rit only for when I need to work.
In any case its nice to feel validated that my ADHD is actually a thing, because I've always just felt like I'm a lazy useless fuck who only reaches 60% of their potential. Years of my teachers and parents telling me I need to just apply myself and pay attention, not be so careless etc.
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After getting told by a doctor when I was 6 that girls don't get autism, years of shame and denial, a year and a half on a wait-list, and about a years worth of meetings I am FINALLY diagnosed!
It feels bittersweet, I wanna be happy but I'm not going to tell anyone except my partner, and its not like I'm going to magically stop being autistic now. Thanks to the autism I never finished school, and have to re-take so much, but at the same time, thanks to this diagnosis I can get support while I retake everything. I also now have a nice therapist who is helping me understand why I am the way I am and wants to help me navigate the world.
When I first sought help years ago I wrote some pathetic letter to my doctor about wanting to be able to go outside without feeling like shit, wanting to be able to talk to others (especially other women) without feeling like a freak compared to them, and just wanting to be able to be normal.
While in the process of getting my diagnosis I've accepted that I will probably never be normal, but I can at least learn to manage the world. Things might actually get better!