>>1938225If you have BPD then you're going to view intimacy as threatening and abuse as a form of intimacy and intimacy as a form of abuse.
BPD's have an extremely predictable pattern of behavior when it comes to their partners called approach/avoidance repetition compulsion. You should definitely Google it.
It's quite complex but the reason you stayed with your
abusive partner is very likely because he was
abusive, and this behavior helps keep BPD's from slipping into an overt state of idealization. The two biggest fears of BPD's are abandonment and "engulfment." If a healthy partner tries to get to know you, express intimacy with you, love you in a healthy way them you'll feel as if they're "disappearing" or "dying." This is because intimacy with your fucked up parents was highly dangerous and involved the risk of psychological disintegration, so you become panicked and
abusive towards your partners as a means of putting emotional distance between you and them. However, this causes your fear of abandonment to flare up, and you'll begin exhibiting the classic BPD behaviors of acting childlike, asking for emotional regulation, being submissive, etc. This then causes the partner to attempt intimacy again, and the loop starts over.
An
abusive or emotionally dead partner, like a narcissist, is ideal for a BPD because he doesn't actually love you and is incapable of intimacy and is also very likely to use
abusive techniques on you yo control you. This actually helps alleviate certain types of anxiety because it gets rid of the fear of "engulfment" or becoming too dependent on them to help guide your thoughts and regulate your sense of self.