This will be a long one but I want to tell the full story of what might have led to this obsession of mine. I would like to start by saying I have a really good memory, especially when it comes to random things about random people and that I have effectively socially isolated myself for at least two years which had its effects on me. As a teenager I've had crushes, friends and such but aside from a random girl on facebook whom I'd check the profile of (which I think I mostly did for the funny stuff she would post rather than her personality), I never had something close to an obsession. In highschool I "met" a girl on discord who made me actually confirm that I was a lesbian, she was the only person I've actually romantically liked on that level in my entire life. Unfortunately though, it was never more than an online "friendship" for a couple of years and after getting annoyed at her clearly not showing interest in me (which, even then, was clearly understandable considering she never even heard my voice or knew my exact age) I cut off my contact. After some months actively thinking about her I stopped holding the same interest for her and went my own way. By "went my own way", I mean never finding someone like her again and with the monk-esque life I led, working all day and still thinking about her once in every few nights which actually sounds like some kind of buddhist idealization ritual now that I think about it. In these years I've only really stalked one person online which was mostly a sarcastic thing with me coincidentally getting into the same major and university as someone in a facebook group I was active in and although I've done my fair share of reading through all his posts (I think it was out of boredom) I've never held any feeling commonly attached with obsession towards him (obviously not anything romantic kek). After 4 years have passed since I stopped talking with the girl that keeps reappearing in my head everytime I think about anything related to romance, on a random night I decided to join my old discord servers. This was mainly because I wanted to find old messages of myself but it quickly turned to reading messages from her, I searched my username on a server and immediately saw that she mentioned me even after a year of not talking. Maybe emotionally making a big deal out of nothing, I tried to find older messages to remember if she was actually how I remembered her (and again, I gotta give my memory credit because I remembere
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