/g/ - girl talk

I was doing pretty good at having my own boundaries and understanding how to deal with my family dynamics. My moms mental illness, coldness, stubborness and dependency among other things. But one of my older sisters would always go back and forth from reaching out every year or so, to dissapearing completely again and going through some terrible isolation with bad jobs. She'd shower me with compliments for a night, then, radio silence for weeks or more usually months. but I wouldnt see her for years even.
We were always pit against eachother because of my moms illness, so I figured she wanted to mend things maybe and we would all try and pitch in and heal. I felt like I was making progress getting closer to her, opened up a lot with eachother, I was trying to boost her self esteem, combating the self deprecation and taking her out when she'd agree, nudging her away from dangerous situations, self destructive thinking and mistreatment from moids.
But we were helping our mom out with a difficult part of her life, and something seemed to overflow? She became so vicious to me, I figured she was stressed so I rolled with it. But it got bad so quickly when she was visiting me, started intensly saying kind of bizzare accusations about me and she started saying vicious, unkind and angry things. She then kept trying to fight me and when I resisted she got angry and kept trying to knock me over. Im sturdy so I was fine and didnt need to fight back and just braced when she'd swing, but it was disturbing so I bluff warned her Id get legal intervention if she didnt stop attacking and destroying my things, and this is what crossed her line. Still not sure if I was weird for that. She cut me off not too long after and has disappeared since. Im worried about her and unsure if I should try and find her.
Anyone have something similar happen?

Anyone's social skills just busted because of their parents? Growing up I was never allowed to have friends. I'd talk to people at school obviously but my mother never let me go out with anyone after school or bring any friends home. I never even had a birthday party with friends, they would always just be me and my parents and maybeeee an aunt. She didn't even like hearing about my schoolfriends and called them horrible things like "bitches" and "assholes" even though they never did anything wrong. She always acted like they were going to lead me down a path of drugs and partying even though they were nerds who spent their time reading Harry Potter and watching anime. I don't think any of my friends ever even got a detention in school.
I obviously wasn't allowed to date either, but that didn't stop my mother from being suspicious I was even though I went to an all girls school and never left the house except for school unless she was with me. Once she saw an exercise book that I'd doodled hearts on and went off because that was a sign in her mind that I liked a boy, and she kept interrogating me about who the boy was even though I didn't know any boys.
I find it very hard to make friendships as an adult, and relationships are out of the question as long as I live with her. Unfortunately we have a housing crisis and as inconvenient as it is, I think I'm better off being lonely for a few more years while I save up instead of spending 1k that I can't afford to live in a shoebox with three strangers. My mother isn't against me dating now and even tells me she hopes I find someone, but I just can't bring someone home to my parent's craziness, and I think it would be pretty hard to date if I could never even have them over at my place.

>>444574
Late but holey fuck are you me? Your first paragraph is 100% my parents except my father was a genuine paranoid schizo to add with it. Apart from that they'd try and nitpick all my friends because of their biased negative standards for me. Basically if I was friends with A, they'd be like "A is a terrible person! Why don't you hang out with B? They're good!" but if I hung out with B, their mentality would shift and call B terrible and ask me why I wasn't hanging out with A.

>>421758
Probably homelessness.

>>421910
>your situation is far from unique
Ah yes, the common event of someone prevented from even taking a shit in peace. Get a grip on reality and stop watching true crime. All of your know-it-all advice is also useless. This is a victim in a very kidnapped cultlike situation. Most people in these situations get murdered by the scrote. There's a reason everyone is shocked by this story and others like it. Something to this degree and all the odds falling out of her favor isn't common at all.

>>448691
Its me, the nona in the cultlike situation. Just happened to have the tab open among many, saw your reply. Thank you for reading any or all of those long posts, and for validating what I was thinking in the back of my mind for a while, then second guessing my thoughts as wrong.

Since my last post, I finally got the courage to ask a financial place for a credit card so I can build a credit score. Its not a scam either. This will sound dumb but until very recently, I didnt know that having no credit score meant no way of ever getting my own apartment (extremely high cost of living in my country besides..), and a car, and my own phone (the very old phone I use is under a relatives name, cant change this without a credit check). I was never taught anything about finances, surprise surprise. So still no place of my own, no car, no phone of my own, but its a start.

Youre right, homelessness is a big thing that stops me from just leaving. Homeless women get trafficked, raped, etc. Its getting more dangerous where I live, with random moidery and arson attacks. Have no passport either, the application is being stalled by the moid sibling, long story.

Another update is that someone scared the moid sibling by putting something that looks like rock salt(?) (or he thinks its glass), and building materials like nails near his vehicle. It was cold and there is construction nearby, but its automatically assumed to be malicious. The moid and boymom were hostile and furious upon finding it, threatening "whoever did it", even though nothing happened and no one was hurt. It was so silent for a few days in our home, you could hear a pin drop. I was terrified they would take it out on me, but thankfully things turned out ok so far. I was asked if it was me who did it, I said no and grey rocked to the best of my ability. The moid sibling all of a sudden repaired the fence since he obv didnt care about our safety before, only his vehicles safety. He insisted it was NOT the moidlet neighbor who already broke our window. Now theres a camera in the yard, and only the moid sibling has the footage in his room. Now, cant even walk outside or garden in peace without walking by and getting on his camera. Oddly, since the absolutely horrific discovery, the moid sibling and boymom have been nicer and backed off the bathroom harassment, for now. He also stopped inviting Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>448830
I convinced myself I'm unlovable and I'm "sparing" people the burden of loving me by living in a fantasy instead. I get the benefits of a good relationship without bothering anyone else. Also he can never leave me. He only hurts me when I want him to and I can change the story the moment I don't like it. I'm in complete control and that feels really safe and good.

I enjoy my maladaptive daydreaming tbh. Helps me distract myself from the horrors of reality and it gives me a lot to think autistically about.
I know most people would insist it's unhealthy, but I genuinely prefer keeping to myself and just watching people rather than interacting with them.
The big downside is that my social skills are really shit and I can only open up on anonymous sites like this, but I can do the bare minimum to go shopping, deal with people I have to etc.

Is this what they call as “yume”

>>449107
No, yume is just shipping yourself with a character. You can be attracted to real life people and be a yume.

>>449101
I'm sure you're not unlovable anon. For me I'm kind of the opposite though, schizoid-ish traits say no real love could work for me kek. I feel a loneliness that irl love is supposed to cure but it doesn't, so into my head I go.

>>216598
thank you non… sorry about your situation too… internet hug

My mom has been having all kinds of issues the past few years. She's in her early 50s. arthritis leaving her almost unable to work (she's still working though) at times, she cries from the stress of not being able to type on the computer, she's very forgetful like she's worse than my grandmother when it comes tto being forgetful and mentally confused at times… I worry for her so much nonas. SHe's not in need of a caretaker but with how fast things are getting worse I think I'll have to move back home because I feel bad being away from her

>>275722
You should get her one these microwaveable heated mittens which should help with her arthritis along with a day planner so that she can write down what she should do and dot down important stuff.
>she's very forgetful like she's worse than my grandmother when it comes to being forgetful and mentally confused at times
It could be because she isn't drinking enough as often women that develop weak bladders will avoid drinking to much in case of wetting. She could also maybe have an urinary tract infection which can also explain the confusion dehydration can too I would recommend buying a water bottle that is easy to drink from along with encouraging her to drink cranberry juice too. If she does have history of UTI or would like to prevent it then she could take some estrogen which helps preventing UTI.

>>275722
Sending love to you and your mother anon.

I wanted to bump this thread because it's a good one. I'm wondering if it can also be used for millennials with aging boomer parents who aren't quite caretakers yet but may be dealing with the stress watching your parent slowly lose themselves. My mom is elderly and it's hard to accept what's happening

This knock off version of Harajuku with giant fur boots

>>449048
She's such a cutie though

>>449051
She's pretty I just think her outfits are ugly

>>449048
>>449048
The way how the boots look is strange (almost cheap looking with how the laces sit on the sides), but the rest of the outfit is kinda cute, maybe its because the model is pretty. Wearing a different boot with legwarmers would look better imo.

>>449048
i feel like she has a wonderful personal style. its seeing it copied that makes it obnoxious, it certainly doesnt need a wholeass "core"

>>447668
I used to have really weird sex dreams as a kid (from like 5 to 9) about getting peed on by men and having to suck their dicks. I often wonder if I was raped as a child. I don't know how my brain came up with these things as I wasn't exposed to anything sexual. I asked my mom about it as an adult and she was kinda upset and confused about why I was having such dreams and can't recall any men that could have been suspicious.

>>447668
I used to have weird dreams about my favorite Disney princess characters getting molested by ugly men when I was a little girl- I mean like five years old. I don't know how I came up with something like that. I grew up without internet and I couldn't read by that age. I had family members who were also extremely physically violent in a nonsexual way. I can't help but feel like the two are related.

does anyone know how to make the dreams stop

>>448976
I have no real advice other than maybe getting prescription sleep meds or starting to smoke a shit ton of weed (you eventually stop dreaming while smoking weed regularly but it's not like that for everyone, but it's a common side effect).

>>448976
nope

I recently got back onto swimming as my main exercise after being a slug for the past 7 years, the good thing is that you never forget how to swim (just like biking) so for now I'm just swimming lengths with no real objective set in mind. Do you have any advice on how to improve stamina? I tend to get tired pretty fast since I'm going a bit too hard at the beginning of the session.

>>439237
Are you changing your strokes or just doing freestyle? Doing different strokes can help increase your stamina. Are you using any props, like a kickboard or flippers? Incorporating a kickboard to train legs and flippers can increase intensity for speed and power. Do you take breaks between sets? Even short rests can help.
You might need more of a regiment than just swimming laps in the pool if you want to train for stamina. Here's a short, basic workout I've done that got me back into a swimming routine:
>6 x 100 freestyle - odd numbered laps easy, even laps moderate effort. 10-30 seconds rest between sets
You can switch or add other strokes, increase the distance, or add props to give it some variety. Congrats on getting back in the pool and have fun!

I really enjoy swimming. I’ve always done it for fun and it’s only been since this summer that I’ve started making a concerted effort to swim laps for exercise - apparently I can swim half a mile at a leisurely pace without getting exhausted? I’m not sure how much is a good amount of laps to strive for with each session, or what strokes I should be focusing on, or what sort of stretches I should do before or after I swim, so any advice would be appreciated.

>>439316
Swimming half a mile is awesome! Way to go, nonnie. How long does it take you? Imo I don't think you need to swim that much every time you get in a pool. Adding a short high-intensity swim into your regimen twice a week can be helpful. It depends on your goals, really. Are you looking for endurance, speed, or overall fitness?
If I were a beginner, I would focus on freestyle for endurance, adding back and breast for strengthening other muscles. Butterfly is high intensity and difficult, so if you want that challenge, go for it. Otherwise, I think the other strokes will help your overall fitness and toning. I add a mix of crawl, back, and breast to my workouts as well as some drills with a kickboard.
As far as stretches go, pre-swim I do some torso twists, arm circles, and leg swings to warm up. Post-swim, I do more actual stretches focusing on lats, hamstrings, and quads. I'm sure there's some videos on YT out there. Also, I like to do yoga on days when I'm not in the pool. Yoga with Kassandra has a good video for swimmers. I also like her yin yoga series for deep stretching and relaxation.

i recently reached half a mile too! i picked up swimming again at the start of last month and had been going near daily, my gym membership includes outdoor/indoor pool use so i figured i'd get back into it. i've taken a break but its so hot here atm i can't wait to get back. literally the calmest and most focused I've been in a long time

>>447983
Oh fuck you nonna

>>447985
Not my fault that you are deserving of happiness and love in this life nonita

THE MAN WHO KILLED BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND. THE MAN WHO KILLED CEO BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND. THE MAN WHO KILLED CEO BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND.

>>448793
You know what hell yeah
THE MAN WHO KILLED BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND. THE MAN WHO KILLED CEO BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND. THE MAN WHO KILLED CEO BRIAN THOMPSON WAS NEVER FOUND.

>>72074
>>72052

i like to listen to podcasts or full albums while cleaning my house

>>447020
>What is your favorite thing to clean? Least favorite?
My favorite thing to clean is my desk! Putting everything back in order and being able to use my keyboard without grief is always a plus.
My least favorite thing to clean is GREASE. I don't know why people have an issue with getting grease everywhere when they cook but getting it off the stove and walls is MISERABLE. They never wipe it down themselves so by the time I see the mess, it is congealed and sticky and awful to clean. Does any nonna have tips for this??
>Do you judge the cleanliness of other people’s homes when you visit?
No! I'm kind of a lazy pig, so the only thing I judge is how clean your dishes in the cabinets are.
>What cleaning device or product do you use the most?
Clorox wipes. I know they probably aren't the best. But they are so easy to use and then I don't have to wash anything later. I'm always nervous the rags I wash aren't really clean.

>>447035
I also like listening to podcasts while cleaning! I get bored too easily, and if you're watching TV you aren't working. I've always had trouble motivating myself to start cleaning, so I listen to comedy podcasts to make my brain think we're having so much fun KEK
Are there any podcasts you would recommend?

I am about to move on a flat with no roommates and I am so relieved I won’t need to clean after others’ people messes and finally keep my space clean and tidy.
That being sad, it’s been years I’ve taken care of a home by my own (I used to live alone when my mom went back to our country leaving me at her place by my own but I was a teenager and didn’t have many cleaning skills).

What are good routine practices to keep the space clean and don’t end up building chores to do on my only day off from work? I’m talking daily dusting, bathroom checks, how should I split chores and how often should I mop the floors?
I also have lots of books, is there a way to keep from gathering too much dust or should I suck it up and clean often?

>>447161
>My least favorite thing to clean is GREASE. Does any nonna have tips for this??
Not super helpful but using a splatter guard like picrel when cooking messy things cuts down quite a bit on the grease. Otherwise try a grease cleaner with a scrub daddy. I’ve heard good things about Tangerine Clean and the Pink Stuff. In a pinch glass cleaner works too because of the ammonia. Do recommend a scrub daddy though for scrubbing, I swear they’re not a psyop but actually amazing scrubbers.
>Clorox wipes. I know they probably aren't the best. I'm always nervous the rags I wash aren't really clean.
I use these all the time too. They’re so convenient for a quick wipe down. I’m the same way with reusable rags. I might use them for things like cleaning mirrors or shining stainless steel appliances, but definitely not for wiping down the toilet or anything.

>>447163
>how should I split chores and how often should I mop the floors?
First congrats on living on your own! That’s super exciting and a big step. Each person’s routine is different depending on their lifestyle. I have a cat so I mop my floors more often than you might have to for instance. In general I break it down like this:

>Kitchen: Wipe down countertops and appliances after cooking. Always wash my dishes or load the dishwasher before I go to bed. Spray down sink with disinfectant. Sweep every other day. Swiffer mop once a week and actually mop about once a month.
>Bathroom: Wipe down sink every day. Put away any styling, makeup, or skincare products when done. Clean toilet bowl and wipe down with disinfectant + bleach once a week. Do the same with my counter, making sure to move anything and clean under it. I use Method’s daily shower cleaner to spray down the shower after I use it. Because of this I only have to scrub the shower once every two weeks. Swiffer mop once a week. Actually mop every three weeks.
>Bedroom: Vacuum and change sheets once a week. I try to put stuff away after using it but my nightstand tends to become cluttered quickly. I try to tidy up once a month, including dusting.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Has anyone tried incorporating feng shui into their interior design? Some of it is a bit out there, but I kinda like learning about it.

>>446070
finding good friends is as hard as finding a good bf/gf. I feel for you. it really sucks, because it's harder to justify distancing yourself from shitty friends. which is what I would do in your position, personally. just start becoming "busy" a little more often.
>>445871
as someone who was kind of a bully towards my friends at that age, it could be abuse. my mother was an alcoholic who would demean me every day, and I took it out on anyone I felt like I could get away with doing it to. it just felt normal. idk what was going on in her life, but kids at that age really only follow by example.

we were close friends up until recently. she basically dumped me, like i got broken up with lol. it hurt a lot bc i loved hanging out with her, but she told me that she had felt distant from me and wanted to move on. embarrassing for me. she pulled the same exact move before and i forgave her for it too when she came back for round 2. it makes me so angry and so sad thinking about all the time and effort i put into the friendship and imagining her just placating me like i was some sort of nuisance. and it makes me so angry that she did it again to me, that she felt she had the power to do it again to me. to be used like a toy like that really makes you feel broken. its a horrible feeling.

every so often ill see art or play a new game or listen to new music and think about how much i want to tell her about it bc we would talk about such things together, and it would be so fun. but now i cant anymore, and it makes me feel so sad and empty. i wonder if she regrets it too. but it doesnt matter if she does. doesnt change anything.

>>446133
if she dumps people then expects them to come back to her like nothing happened only to do it again then it sounds like she's got some kind of personality disorder. as painful as the dissolution of your friendship is for you right now it's honestly for the best that it happened. people like that aren't capable of maintaining positive, mutually beneficial friendships and you deserve better than that

Sorry for reposting from the vent thread, I think I'd receive more advice in this thread
>have friend I'm close with and have been friends for years
>she calls me the online friend she's known the longest
>starts treating me bad, ignoring and excluding me
>apparently it's because I was mean to her when I was 13
>it gets to the point her behavior causes me a mental breakdown
>finally we talk and I apologize for what I said and she promises she'll improve
>she goes back to ghosting me after like 3 days so I block her
I still miss her so much after all this time. I regret doing it because it's been fucking years on end and I still can't get over her at all. I wish she could just reach out again and talk to me. I don't know why this particular friend affected my mental state this badly, can any nona help me out with finally getting over her?

one of my best friends just blocked me on everything this week. I've been friends with her for around 10 years and literally watched her daughter grow up. I forgot her birthday (it's right around thanksgiving but my stupid brain holds onto the time it was ON thanksgiving and I always get the date wrong), so I texted her on Thanksgiving. no answer. still no answer since then even to my last text telling her to keep an eye out for the package I sent. last night I randomly checked instagram and see she's no longer following me and has blocked me from following her. I checked the tracking on something I'd ordered for her before I realized we were apparently no longer friends and she received the box like a week ago.
I definitely do feel like a huge piece of shit for pretty much always fucking up her birthday, but we're in our 30s living in different states. I had ordered her like >$200 worth of gifts (and shipped them) before I realized she had essentially decided to just end our friendship. part of me isn't surprised because I've seen her cut people off over less, but as a literal adult it feels ridiculous to lose a 10 year friendship over something like this. especially because I've seen her endlessly and desperately try to win back moids who had actually fucked her over. I don't know. I guess it's for the best, but it always sucks to lose someone who knows all of your secrets.