>>589087>>589087First of all, fuck those moids, you can and will do better, I promise.
>clocked me as fatNot even, I just remember being a virgin. I felt equally ugly and fat at 100 and 140 lbs because there's always something to nitpick, and until you see how someone else reacts, you can't say if you really are as freakish as you think or no big deal. Playing a sport is the only thing that took me from "nobody can ever see my boobs without a bra" to "they are what they are, and I'm happy that I'm a little fit even though I didn't win the genetic lottery" and that's why I say that you should take care of yourself. Not to lose weight specifically but to feel self-respect and in (semi-)control of the image you're putting out.
>its hard to even imagine what id do if i actually found an attractive man.Another reason to work on yourself. My love goal is always someone who'd have fun just going for a walk or staying in bed with me, but that's an advanced bond, and it's easier to spend time together as near-strangers if you have a defined excuse to be together, and I feel like that equally applies to real relationships and time spent with some poly nerd you just want to try sex with. Like maybe you have a goal to find the best Thai restaurant in town and need someone to help you try them or you want to get into rock climbing with another novice.
At the end of the day, I feel like your problem ultimately is: you want to live life to the fullest and experience all of the best things out there like love, good sex, and adventures, and all of that is enhanced by or requires companionship, but you feel like it's impossible to find a good partner either because they don't exist or because you don't deserve it. And I hate to say it because it's cliche and also very hard to do, but I think the two things you need to do are: 1. fall in love with your own life and make a cozy life for yourself because then you are proud to be yourself and proud to invite someone into that life. And 2. put yourself out there and make friends and meet people so you can encounter more guys and see if any click with you. Remember, tinder isn't showing you every kind of man who exists, it's only the ones who would it take literally zero effor
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