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Vent, ask for relationship advice in this tidy little thread.
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I am online dating and I want to have a long term relationship from it. Can you guys give me advice on what I should be doing and expecting to find someone I'm compatible with?
So typically I go on 1-3 days with a guy to decide if we get along. Usually we do not so in-text them that I had a nice time but I'm not interested. So far so good. But I've finally found two guys that I vaguely like and are not like obviously wrong for me. I've been on 3 dates with one and 2 dates with the other (both were long, his work schedule is weird so we have texted alot).
3 date guy is soft in a nice way, anxious personality type, and kind of sexless. We get along very well and have alot of the same interests. He is in a stable place in life. I like 3 date guy and he is easy to talk to, but my main worry is that our anxieties (I am anxious) might cause problems and I don't think he will be up for the amount of right sex I want in the future (sorry gross TMI).
2 date guy is more reserved. He is definitely hiding that he has depression and feels lonely. We have more sexual chemistry. We also have similar interests and work in similar career fields so we can talk to eachother about technical things easily, but he is not as easy for me to talk to. I feel shy around him. Main problem with 2 date guy is that he lives 1 hr from me, has a work schedule that cuts into our ability to hang out or talk sometimes, and he might be moving away to get a PhD in a year. I also don't fully get the sense that he is up for a serious long term relationship, but I think it's because he hasn't had a girlfriend since HS and doesn't know what to do.
I like both but I'm not fully sure that either are "the one". I kissed both on the last dates, though, and I feel dishonest pursuing both at the same time. I feel like I ought to decide before we get more intimate.
So. My question is essentially how do you pick someone to date long term? What are the most important things/reasons to decide on,besides just liking them as a person? How much time do I need to decide that sort of thing?
Most of my interest in 2date guy is lust, I'll admit, so maybe I should end it with him? Is it wrong to date 3date guy if I suspect that sex will be really unsatisfying for me? I dated my ex for 6+ years and the sex was so terrible I don't think I can do that again.
If I was you I would pick neither. Keep the 2 date guy as a fwb and if you eventually fall in love date him.
You don't have to date someone to be happy.